A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend two years and for the first year and a half we would go out at least once a week. For the past several months, we have hardly gone out at all on dates. He owns a business and is very busy building it. The only times I see him lately are when I'm helping him on a job site. We don't live together, we live about 45 min. apart. He says he misses me and wishes he wasn't so busy. He says he hopes in about a year he will have enough work that I can work for him full time so we can be together more(yes he does pay me). He also wants to make enough money to be able to retire in a few years This business has been important to him since before we met and I am happy for him and want him to succeed. My question is, will he ever make time for me again or is he taking me for granted? We have talked it over and he swears he wishes we could be together more often, yet we rarely go out. We talk usually at least an hour on the phone every day, and I have told him that if I take up too much of his time or ask too much of him that he should let me know, and we can be friends, and that I don't want to break up but if he does to be honest and let me know right away. He insists that I am the most down to earth and sincere girlfriend he has ever had, and that our conversations are the best he has ever had with a woman, and that he loves to hang out and go out with me. He has said that he hopes I will wait for him and appreciates my patience,but if I feel like I need more attention right now he would understand if we stopped seeing each other. Last night he said that I seem unhappy (I miss him so much sometimes) and he wants to arrange a weekend away for just the two of us, but I have heard that for the last three months, and it never happens. I think he is being sincere, but things come up. He said that if I feel the need to go out every weekend that maybe I should look for someone else. We get along great in every way except for not getting together often enough, and I can't even think of dating another guy. Am I stupid to wait for him while he pursues his dream? If he says he wants to be with me and we will be together more often when he retires/can afford to hire me/can afford more employees will he pay attention to me again? We used to have so much fun, and he seems sincere when he says he wants me now and in his future, too. Please help me to understand if he really has lost interest or if a guy can really like a girl but not make time to see her because his business is taking off and he went from making a very good living to making millions.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 I was wondering if he actually keeps the times or dates that he makes with you and if he is punctual. He could be driven. He could be sincere and busy. He could be lying. He could be a workaholic. He could have obsessive/compulsive personality disorder and not be able to get anything organized or keep any appointments, ever. If he has that disorder, characterized by the inability to get anything done but his own punch list, you could be in trouble here. There really isn't much hope if that is his problem. All of the other problems have a solution, either by leaving him or giving him an ultimatum. If it's a personality disorder, forget-about-it. Are you sure he's not married or otherwise? Sorry if I am the voice of doom here, just throwing out ideas.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): Absolutely a guy can go from making time for his girl when his business takes off and he is about to make millions, are you kidding? A lot of men see their worth as what they can provide for their woman, their family.On the other hand, your feelings are very valid and your needs are not being met by him....First things, make sure that you are confident and secure in yourself, that you could be happy with him or without him, as if you don't first love yourself then you have little left over to give to him.That said, you need to talk to him directly about how you are feeling, come up with a solution for him, how could he be your hero in this, would it be a celebratory dinner once a week, or something else....he needs to make time for your relationship or he will be rolling in those millions and alone without you by his side.Growing a business is hard work, and you absolutely have to be there to succeed, I know, I have run my own business in the past, and for the first time I got to see and feel how it is to be a man, seriously, they have a lot of pressure on them...so try to talk to him in a non threatening way, don't get overly emotional, but help him build a bridge and open up about what he sees in your future.As far as living 45 minutes apart, that sounds kind of ridiculous, you need to move!
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