A
female
age
51-59,
*amhims
writes:My boyfriend is 27 and I am 36. I want sex about 5 x a week, but he says he just can't do that. I found, however, that he looks at porn about every other day. I could do it more than we do, and he knows how his choice of porn over me makes me feel. I have made that very clear. But not only has he told me he was going to stop due to the disrespect, but he is now paying for it by the minute (which I found by accident). He swears he loves me. But i can't help but feel he's truly not attracted to me. So on top of, in my eyes, his cheating, he's now lying about it and spending money we don't even have for gas and food. How should I take this. We have been together for almost a year now and I love him, But I love me too. What should I do hear?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 Glad that you are enlightened and gave that relationship another go. Relationship need to work at. You cannot get it on a platter. There is a cost to maintaining any relationship. It calls for sacrifice from both parties. If you are willing to work for the better there is always hope.
A
female
reader, iamhims +, writes (22 January 2008):
iamhims is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well we talked about it one last time because he bought time on my paypal account. Of course I got and email confirmation. Right now things are ok money wise, but the oppertunity arrose to make one final appeal. I have had trouble thinking long into the future for mare than one reason. But I love him very much and I want to. Anyway we had a really honest but peaceful talk and he proclaimed that he was an addict. I never even went close to saying that. We talked about alot. I was alot less chastising than he expected, but a bit less emotional too. He knew I was leaving my emotional woman shoes and stepping into my suvival boots. I stayed non aggressive and that threw him. By about the middle of the conversation, I told him I new for a while now that it was someithing I would just have to lean to accept but that I loved him more that I hated that.
He is a very closed and anti-social person by nature. Going to class everyday with 2500 other people is enough to bring him down some days. But, He is less and less like that as we go along. I am very social so I do bust him out of his shell every now and then. He is truly surprised that he has fun.
Anyway the purpose for the backgroud is that he said he thought it was time to get some help because I shouldn't have to learn to deal with anything that makes me question his love for me. That's not what a loving relationship is about. Then after talking some more, I found out that what he like is so completely normal. We decided to make some videos. Not only that I didn't have to throw away an otherwise good man, but I made a new best friend. We'll see what really happens but, until then I am going to give this relationship everything it needs and make it fun.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (15 January 2008):
 I agree with Butterflykisses. Buying sexy outfits, and acting out fantasys can be exciting for the BOTH of you. Explore, and have fun!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): I would dump him. I too used to have a bf who looked at porn and never wanted sex. It made me feel unattractive and I developed a low self esteem. I dumped him and I am sooo much happier now. In fact, my current bf is 36 and we have sex sometimes 3x times a day. So I now know that it is not because I am or ever was unattractive. It was just because my ex had a problem.
Its unacceptable and obviously he has a problem. You shouldn't have to be treated that way. Yours is a very new relationship, this is the honeymoon period, and there are plenty of guys out there who will rip your clothes off every chance they get. Don't settle for this any longer. Its just going to drive you mad. And I know from experience he is not going to change. So do both of yourselves a favor and leave him. He can then spend his nights away on porn and you can spend your nights with a real man.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (15 January 2008):
You have a very strong sexual drive and your partner cannot keep up with your punishing pace. Sometimes we need to compromise .Is it because he could not satisfy you fully in bed , you may think you are not attractive enough?
Looking at porn is not a sign that he loves you less and prefer those porns.It is just a man thing .
Spending money on porn is wrong if there is no money for food or gas. You may have to talk to him over that.
A man have many vices like smoking, drinking, looking at porns etc.You will have to tolerate those bad habits because everyone have vices .We are not perfect.
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A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses +, writes (15 January 2008):
First of all, I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I would probably stop voicing your opinion about the pornography. He knows how you feel, and it only adds fuel to the fire each time you remind him. In fact, I would stop asking for sex, too. Again, he knows how much you want it. Doing more of the same (i.e. asking him to stop looking at porn and wanting sex 5 times a week) isn't producing different results. He gets defensive and irritated (probably) and you get nothing.
I'm not anti-porn or a "porn-whore," but perhaps you can incorporate some porn into your sex life. Buy an outfit, buy a couple's porn DVD. Ask and learn what he likes. What is he watching? Maybe he would like to see the live version - YOU!! I think communication is KEY...KEY...KEY to a great sex life.
If he does open up to you, PLEASE, don't shut him down, let him talk (even if you think his fantasies are weird, unless they're abusive).
Maybe you can make your own porn DVD and download it on his computer. OMG - what would he do with that? I know my DH would LOVE that.
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