| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: hey! i'm just wanting some advice coz there's this situation that is doing my head in big time!! To cut a long story short..before i went out with my boyfriend which is like 5 years ago there was this other bloke that i had a fling with and basically i was totally in love with him, but i didn't know that he was seeing someone else when i was having a bit of fun with him because otherwise i wouldn't have done anything but it totally broke my heart. Years on we keep seeing each other out and although i try to ignore him i get butterflies and get all nervous and shy coz i can't fight the feeling that i'm still in love with him but i don't act all desperate or anything and try not to look at him..but i can always tell that he keeps looking over at me the whole time if we're in the same bar or anything and we've ended up kissing loads of times on seperate occasions, although i always kick myself afterwards for being such an idiot! The trouble with him is that he's always got girlfriends yet he's been coming on to me for like years now and gets really jealous if he sees me even talking to another guy. I just don't know what is going on coz if he's not interested then why can't he just leave me alone? i know that he likes to make out like hes really rich exaggerating about jobs he does and he loves to spend money on playboy things like cars and gambling and the girls he goes out with are usually rich and have their own houses so he ends up moving in with them, whilst i don't have much money at all - i don't know whether thats why he goes really hot on me but doesn't want commitment or what - or maybe he just likes the whole excitement thing of flirting with me when where out, but this has been going on for years now. Last week we went for a walk together coz we'd bumped into each other in a club and he told me he was seeing someone and when i asked if it was serious he denied it, but the next day i found out he was engaged!Can anyone tell me at all whats going on?Lex x
View related questions:
engaged, flirt, gambling, jealous, kissing, money, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (16 March 2006):
 I think I can tell you what's going on, but I don't think you'll like it; sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind, so I hope you appreciate that what I'm about to say isn't a deliberate attempt to hurt you, but rather an objective view of the situation you describe.
From what you write, here's what I interpret: several years ago, you had a fling with a guy who was seeing someone else. Over the past few years, you've bumped into him on numerous occasions and let him use you for a bit of fun, despite the fact that he's been seeing (several) other girls. Recently, the same has happened yet again, and this time he directly lied to you about the particular other girl in question, and it turns out he's deeply committed to her.
Lex, this man is playing you for a fool. I'm sorry, but he's never once shown the least sign of wanting to build a meaningful relationship with you. He's working on his emotional life with someone else, making plans to marry her, but every now and then he runs into a girl who he *knows* will be available to him for temporary fun, so he takes full advantage. This has nothing to do with money or love for him - it's all about having his cake and eating it. You're letting your own feelings colour your interpretation, assuming that just because this has been going on for years, there 'must be something there', but if there really was anything more than a drunken attraction, he'd have acted on it by now. I think deep down you know this stuff already - you've summed it up pretty neatly when you say "maybe he just likes the whole excitement thing of flirting with me when we're out".
It's time to move on from this guy, Lex - he has nothing to offer you other than a soul-destroying series of fumbles in nightclubs. Find a man who has the basic decency to respect you as a person. Consider the fact that this man you think you love is willing to cheat on his girlfriend and lie to you about his engagement. This is not a man who's worth wasting your time on.
|
