A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I am a married woman but our marriage is struggling. I had a situation over the summer whereby I was speaking frequently with another married man on facebook. I vaguely knew him from the school where our kids go to. I had seen him staring at me but had shrugged it off and didn't feel attracted to him. Then we became facebook friends and chatted most nights for about 3 months. It was all quite innocent really but gradually got a little flirty (but very minor). I started to develop feelings for him and got a crush. We chatted a little bit at school but it was kind of uncomfortable. Then one night we had a live chat and he became much more flirty and suggestive. Then since that night he has blatantly ignored me. Totally ignored me on facebook and sometimes at school, although he will say a polite hello if we come face to face. I sent one message to him which he ignored so never sent another one. So I got the hint big time and have just been grieving abit over the loss. I haven't contacted him but did try and be cool about things hoping to just be normal friends and smiled and wished him a good holiday when I saw him at school. I certainly didn't chase him and instead have just been trying really hard to get over it. He looked uncomfortable when he saw me. Only one really good friend knows who I have confided in - she thinks he is awful and should be avoided too. I think what hurt me was that he didn't say anything to me like ' we shouldn't chat like this or I'm sorry can't do this' instead he just completely vanished. He also became quite flirty and friendly with a friend of mine on facebook too which annoyed me. It's been 2 months now and overall I feel quite angry that he started something and then dumped me cold even though I know we shouldn't have chatted in the first place. My husband is very selfish and neglectful and I guess it was an ego boost that someone was interested in me. I started to fantasise about this man that he was a great bloke. I do think he is genuinely a great bloke but sadly not great to me or his wife. Anyway just tonight after thinking about it for weeks I have unfriended him from facebook as really he isn't a true friend and I also want to keep things more private in my life. It was really hard to do as I do check on him often and I am feeling alot of pain. I also couldn't stand him ignoring me yet commenting on other friends. It's going to be really awkward seeing him if he realises he's been unfriended or am I worrying too much about this? Do you think I've over reacted to everything? Have I done the right thing? How do I deal with this - the guilt, the shame and the loss? BTW I have never ever been unfaithful before and nothing ever happened between me and this man - it was more like the beginning of something. Any advice much appreciated. Thanks.
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crush, facebook, flirt, married man, married woman Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys - your answers are really helpful - it's good to hear objective points of view. I won't be able to check or know anything about him now I have unfriended him on facebook so think that's a good thing and will help with the whole moving on process. Wouldn't advise anyone else to go down this road! Hopefully soon he will just be a bad memory even though it still feels quite raw at the moment. Thanks again, much appreciated.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): his 'cooling" off is a blessing in disguise. he doesnt want to mess up his marriage. he is actually ashamed that your "talks" got out of hand. perhaps u need to learn from this as well. just bec you are unhappy in your marriage, perhaps u need to respect his??at least this MM had the gut to quit while ahead. perhaps u need to do the same as well.'...BTW I have never ever been unfaithful before and nothing ever happened between me and this man - ..." this is bull and u know it. all it takes is one time and u crossed this line. if u are so unhappy then i suggest you get out of your marriage. next time, repsect marriages and boundaries or else you wont just have egg on your face.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 First, I doubt very much if he'll feel any pain because you unfriended him on Facebook. So don't worry about it.
Second, have you considered that he suddenly realized that you being married and him being married as well, he thought it a very bad idea (which it is) to continue flirting with you? In short, he nipped it in the bud. Maybe he WAS attracted but had the good sense to realize there can be no future in it.......even a fling would get him into loads of trouble with his wife - if she ever found out - and ditto for you with your husband, by the way.
Finally, STOP checking on him, period! That will only perpetuate your pain. There is NO need for you to feel guilty, because you didn't actually carry things any further - or more accurately, were not given the chance to. Stop beating yourself up! Its natural to be attracted on occasion to someone even if we're happily married. SO LONG AS we don't ACT on it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): I think he's realised things went too far and is now ashamed of what happened. I think it's time to move on and work on your marriage.
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