A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im an emotional wreck after having a termination 3 months ago. My boyfriend and i planned the pregnancy and he promised me he would step upto the mark, move into my place and that we would get married as soon as i got pregnant. I had no reason to not trust him so i happily went aling with it seeing a bright future ahead- how wrong i was!When i found out i was pregnant he seemed happy at first, so we broke the news to everyone even though i was just 3 weeks. The excitement was too much.Within days things changed so fast. My boyfriend grew distant and finnaly told me he couldnt do it, he wasnt ready and that id be a single mother. I was devastated, cried for days until considering termination. I was terrified of going through the pregnancy alone. Over the next week or so my boyfriend stuck to his guns saying he couldnt step upto the mark. I kept quiet about what i was about to do until the morning at the clinic. I was in the waiting room alone when he rang and i told him were i was. He thought i was calling his bluff and said to stop playing games. Again i balled my eyes out right the way through. My plan was to leave my boyfriend for good once i had had the termination and seek profresional help with my feelings.The very next day my boyfriend turned up and i i showed him the proof of what id done. He burst down in tears and told me he had come round to say sorry and that he wanted to do this afterall, that he wad devastated and truly didnt believe id do it. I didnt take him back until recently but now i feel as though i had an abortion for nothing! Asthough my actions were in vain. I feel trumendous guilt inside for taking him back when i should hate him for what he did. All i want to do is cry and scream one minute, yet i smile and laugh the next, how can i cope with what ive done? My heart years for the baby i gave up.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I am so so sorry for your pain....
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Yes, now you can begin to move on. Talking helps. Time also heals some wounds, and it will get better. You're still young and there is plenty of time to find your happiness, and you will work your way through this. Stay strong and remember that you did right by leaving him. And he was never a good man to begin with, which has been shown even more by him having another woman. You did right by your actions, even though they were hard and you wish you were never put into this position to begin with. But there are good guys out there. Give yourself the time to heal now, talk about this with someone (your gp should find someone professional, they are very comforting to talk to).
You will get through this, and you will feel better. Life will go on and this isn't the end of anything. From here on it can only go upwards.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 May 2011):
 *hugs* i'm so sorry to hear that. i know its no comfort but at least you have found out and you can now move on, knowing what he is really like
best wishes
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou will be pleased to know ive finnally walked- for good. I found the root of why he couldnt settle- he had someone else. Found out on facebook today. Thankyou for all the kind responces. I intend to visit my gp first thing to start counseling.
Thanks again x
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (23 May 2011):
Yeah, get rid of your boyfriend. He's no good. Your relationship will not get over this.
It will take you some time to "get over" the abortion, and you should consider contacting a charity for some help... but things will get easier. A time in your life will come when you will be ready to find a loving stable relationship again, and you will then be ready to have a baby and this time round you'll be an amazing mum.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 May 2011):
 i'm so sorry this happened to you. that's truly a heart-breaking situation. i genuinely hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you leave this guy. because he left you all alone at your most vulnerable state. being scared and expressing hesitations to each other is one thing, but to flat out disappear on you and tell you that you're going to be raising this child alone is unforgivable in my opinion. even if he did freak out, there's absolutely no excuse for how he behaved. unfortunately now, i feel that this relationship is doomed, as it seems to me there will be way too much bitterness.
there's not a soul on this site who can give you the magic remedy to make your pain and longing go away. in all sincerity, it more than likely will never fully go away. the best thing i can suggest is to do what you intended, which is to seek a counselor. and while this will not ever completely take the hurt away, it can help you learn to better cope with it. try and keep your head up!
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A
female
reader, Smileypants +, writes (23 May 2011):
 What an immature asshole!! No hunny, you need to kick this dude to the curb. He has put you through hell, all because of his own immaturity. If he really wanyed that baby, he would've stopped you when you were at that clinic. Why on earth would he think you were bluffing? He just left a 22 year old girl comtemplating single motherhood!!
Do what you thought when you did this...leave him for good and get some counseling for your feelings. Don't despair- you will meet the right guy one day, and have a baby that you (and dad!) are ready for!! Next time make sure you can count on your man, and be his wife first....
Try to keep your head up sweety, you did the best thing you could do at the time. A lot of us women bear the same scar. Take care, and stay strong!! Tell him BUH-BYE
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Leave him. Hes the cause of your pain.he doesnt deserve you
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 May 2011):
get rid of him. he is not worthy of you. he wants you again now that you are not pregnant - and after all he said to you before you got pregnant. he has treated all this like its been some kind of game. every time you see your boyfriends smug face will remind you of what's happened. if it was me i would dump him and explain to him exactly why. get some counselling too, your GP can arrange this
x
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 May 2011):
Leave your boyfriend. Im am very sorry for what you have experienced, and feel for you. And one thing stands very clear: your boyfriend needs to go. He dropped you as soon as things got too tough for him. He is unbelievable. You did right, do not cry so much over your actions. It was terrible that you had to get a termination, but you did right by doing so from what you could see in your future. You saw being alone, a single mother, and your boyfriend no where in sight. He gave up his promises to you, and basically left you on your own.
This was a horrible thing of him to do. Just utterly selfish and horrible. He is not worthy of coming back. I think the only reason you took him back right now is because you are in an emotional turmoil, and you are confused.
But HE is the one who brought this upon you. He lied to you about what his intentions where. He bailed out on you. He told you you had to be alone with the child. He was the one who left. He was the one who made you do what you did. He was the one who didn't believe you when you told him you were at the clinic. HE PUT YOU THROUGH THIS.
So, do not blame yourself. Blame him with all you've got instead, and kick him out. Do not speak to him again. He is amongst the lowest of the low. Not in my wildest imagination would I consider such a man worthy of a second chance. When he said he wanted to have a child with you he should have known what a commitment he was taking on. Well he failed at it. When he left you, he should have KNOWN that he couldn't just come crying and have you back whenever he god damn pleases. He should have also known that when telling you you would be on your own, you having a termination was a risk. What did he expect?
You're not some toy of his! Yet this is how he has treated you. I do not think you will ever be happy with this man, not with so many broken promises, so much pain and hurt, so much deceiving. Some things in life you can not get over, this is one of them. You will always remember this. With time it will not hurt as much, but if you stay with this man it will always be on your mind tormenting you.
Take your time to clear your mind a bit, then do what you must do. Get him out of your life so you can start fresh. You're young, you will find love again, with someone who you can trust, and who will be there for you, and not bail on you like this horrible man did. Remove him from your life, only then can you begin to heal. He betrayed you. It is unforgivable.
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