A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:did my partner spend more money on his ex because he loved her more?He was with her for a short time but furnished her house and paid her rent, got her a car and paid for her boob job.With me, he is not like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): 1. She was more high maintenance and demanding
2. He was probably with a hotter, younger thing and felt the need to lavish her with money to keep her interested and in his bed
I can see why this bothers you. If I found out that my man was way more generous to his exes than he is with me, I would take it as an insult. Why shouldn't you be on the receiving end on gifts and generosity like the others? Is he being cheap with you?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): Picture these discussions: "She did this sexual thing with her ex but she won't do it with me now. Does she love him more than me?"
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (18 August 2011):
 Money is not a sign of love. He had different habits then, maybe he learned from them? After all, look HOW good that relationship turned out! ;)
What would you rather have? Rent? Car? Boobs? or Him?
He isnt trying to buy your affection or maintain you. Maybe he "had" to do those things to keep her in the relationship and she wore out her welcome.
If you mention to him to spoil you in the same way, he might find himself thinking, "Oh here we go again.."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): You should be flattered in a way that he does not work for you through favors and gifts. A man who truly loves, loves from the heart. As someone said, she is an ex. She is an ex for a reason. And all she has now, is stuff and some fake tits.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 August 2011):
Yes, just think - he furnished her flat, paid her rent, got her a car and got her a boob job.
And what did he get?
Nothing - she's an ex.
This is a case of once bitten, twice shy. He had a bad experience with this ex who clearly used him (and he may or may not have allowed that), and he won't be making the same mistake again.
I would not allow yourself start wondering how much he loves you or cares for you based on the fact he spent all that money on his ex. That was a waste, and he won't want to do that again. Instead, focus on his emotional actions towards you.
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A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 NO it doesn't mean he loved her more. It sounds like he didn't know how to connect with her in any other way than to give her what she wanted. And if he was with her for a short time, it must've meant he was insecure and felt that buying her gifts was the only way to win her affections.
With you, he probably feels that he has an honest-to-God connection with someone and doesn't feel the need to shower you with gifts because he knows you love him as he is. Don't beat yourself up over it. She was probably a manipulative bitch who used him because she knew he could. You're better than that.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (17 August 2011):
Don't worry, you'll be in his wallet in no time flat. Just teasing, but it could be how you present yourself. She could be high maintenance and he see's you as an independent woman, therefore, he doesn't need to spend money on superficial things to show you he cares. Some people are just materialist and will always be that way. When you go into a relationship, the times to dig in that past is b4 you get to deeply involved, making sure you compatable. Once youre satified and able to accept his past, you has to let it go, it unfair to be with someone and continue to toss their past up in their face every chance you see it as a chance to get one up on it. The past is the past, so let it go. If you can't then walk away, no sense in being with someone you or your morals cannot accept as a life partner.
My advice to you is for you to sit and talk honestly, if i decide to stay then i would ever bring up past relationship nor compare myself to them. Youre a couple now so only look at how you two treat each other. If you want to involve others in this relationship then it a matter of time for this to end.
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female
reader, tigerfeet +, writes (17 August 2011):
I don't think he loved her more, like the beatles song money can't buy you love.
Maybe she was spoiled and used to getting her own way. She was too high maintenance.
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female
reader, raz72 +, writes (17 August 2011):
Sounds like she was high-maintenance to me, with you he sounds like he can be himself, and he feels that he don't need to shower you with gifts etc...or bigger boobs, I would not look at what his past was like, and just concentrate on what your future is.
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A
female
reader, B123  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Not necessarily. Perhaps this experience left him penniless. After all an ex is an ex for a reason - right? Maybe she used him for his money. Perhaps he doesn't splurge as much on you as he simply doesn't have - but take solace knowing that just cos he hasn't got you all those things that you may also want and like - doesn't mean for a min he loves you less than her. I guess you see what he has done with her as actions..If you tell him this too - he will think you are jealous of his ex so best to keep that one to yourself. You sound to me like you are not sure whether he is as dedicated to you as his ex.
The best thing you can do is let him come to you in his own time. Don't compare your relationship to his previous ones. It will only wreck your head some more and you will then resent him. It sounds to me like you feel he isn't doing enough for you right now. You sound as if you feel unappreciated. Does he take you out on dates? does he care to make you happy? does he put you first??? why don't you look at the little stuff first rather than the big things?? after all what you have described are just material items.
Also if he is to eventually do all that for you too...that comes after a great deal of time. It doesn't just happen instantly. I hope I have been of some help to you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Money does not always equal love... Like Eyeswideopen said maybe he learned his lesson....
what things does he do for you that makes you think he does love you?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 "Money Can't buy you love" as by the Beetles
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I think he must of learned his lesson that's all.
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Well he may be carrying bad feelings and thoughts from the last relationship. If he thought..."hey I spent all of this money on my ex, and look at how it ended up." you may be feeling the effect of that.
But money can't buy love. If he's taking you places, treating you well, and doing all of the things a man should be doing in a relationship, then what difference does it makes what he spent on his ex? Be grateful and happy that you have a loving, caring, and hopefully trusting guy in your life.
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