A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI have been with my boyfriend for about 5 monthshowever, i am very self-conscious of my body, mostly my stomach. im not exactly fat but i do have red stretch marks on my stomach. he sometimes rubs my stomach but i dnt really like him lifting my shirt up. I am also afraid that when im ready to have sex with him i will be worried about it and it is mainly one of the reason why i dnt want to.How do i get over these self-esteem issues to allow me to be even mor close to him??XxXthankyou for any help you can give me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): I was always really embarassed if my boyfriend lifted my top or looked at my thighs or anything like that - even though he kept on telling me he loved it, that i was sexy, not to change etc. Him saying it doesnt make any difference because its what you think of yourself.This said though, I lost my virginity to him which although i was nervous i have no regrets about. And when you get into the flow of things (the second time is so much better than the first) you completely forget about little things like whether your love handles are a tiny bit bigger than you'd like and enjoy the moment.
A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (19 August 2008):
 If he is rubbing your stomach then I don't think you have anything to worry about. He obviously likes it or he wouldnt keep doing it.
Tell him of your concerns and how you feel about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008):
The way you feel is typical of many people around your age, so do not feel like there is anything wrong with you, because there isn't.
Body confidence comes with time and experience. Over time you become more familiar and accepting of how you look. This can be accelerated by having a good happy life with supportive friends and a secure relationship.
When you are ready to have sex, you will not be afraid of your boyfriend lifting your shirt, or exposing your stomach. Maybe you are a little shy too, and there is nothing wrong with that either, but right now it does seem to me that you just need more time in the relationship, taking things slowly and gradually developing trust and comfortableness with each other.
Also stretch marks are entirely normal. Not everyone has them, but many people do and they can be on people of any size or shape. Some men even find them a turn on because they want their woman to look natural.
Give yourself time, take things slowly and your body issues will become less important to you. All the best.
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A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Don't do anything until you're 100% comfortable with it.
I'm like 100%+ certain that he wouldn't comment at all on the marks on your stomach. He wants to be close to you because he loves you and cares about you, no one notices these little imperfections that we ourselves notice. I have a problem with my eyes and sometimes one of them goes a little funny.. It makes me terribly self concious. My boyfriend of like a year + didn't notice until I told him!
Just try to relax and concentrate on the pleasureable things he's doing to you. ;]
I hope this helped.
xx
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A
female
reader, the cat's pajamas +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Well, firstly I have been in a situation sort of like this when I had a boyfriend who was a bit too touchy and asking to take my top off, so I sympathize that it is hard to object to him when feeling uncomfortable about what he is dong.I'd advice you to mention your insecurities to him about your stomach etc. and that you feel on edge and nervous when he touches your stomach. If you don't like him lifting you shirt up then just say, I am sure he will understand and take your feeling on board :)When you want to progress your relationship, only do so when you feel happy with your body that way you will both enjoy the experience more. I am sure he loves you enough to wait until you are ready.To get over the self-esteem issues, look in the mirror in the morning and just tell yourself that you are beautiful or words to that effect. It might sound a bit corny but trust me it'll make you feel better about yourself :)Also, seeing as you are conscious about your stomach area there is a really great dvd that I use myself that only last 25 minutes a day and within 2 weeks you should not only see but feel a difference :D it's 'gunnar's core secrets' and is a light work out, there is also an accelerated version but the 25 minute full body work out is great, especially if you don't want to spend ages at the gym (y)hope my advice helps, good luck x
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