A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am having several problems with my fiance. Distance lying and now porn. When we first got together we would watch it every now and then as a couple and we have done that for almost 4 years. Well in the last 2 weeks since I have discovered all the other problems instead of having sexual incounters with why watching it he sneaks in the living room after I'm supposedly asleep and watches it.Can you please explain what's going on with him?
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male
reader, Ginoman +, writes (23 March 2009):
 Yes, he's addicted if he's sneaking and jeopardizing his relationship with you.And, the lying and sneaking doesn't sound like it has too much to do with you, other than the fact that he doesn't feel comfortable showing his true self to you.He's probably ashamed of himself, and his habits, which could very likely be having sex with other women; which I suspect you were already wondering about, but it doesn't sound like he's trying to work on his problems, only conceal them.I'm sure he values your relationship, but he values his own need to womanize more than your need to be respected.Don't internalize his issues, they only reflect his character.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 March 2009):
The only person who can answer this is him.
Talk to him, say you know what he is doing and want to know why. Stay calm, don't let it turn into a row. Make him talk till he opens up and have it out.
If you are having all these problems, is this really the man you want to marry?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Jason means Healer +, writes (23 March 2009):
Well, unfortunately, by your own admission this problem is linked to the other problems which you describe as "distance lying."
The only thing I can suppose from that is that your fiancé is lying about his proximity to you, or where he's at.
It sounds as though he's getting a kick out of relinquishing his responsibility to you.
Did you do something, or scorn him to cause him for to disrespect you so?
You should name him and shame him, I suspect secretly he wants to get caught.
I hope it's just a naughty streak in him and may you have great make-up sex because of it.
But, your ability to quiz him up over his faithfulness will depend upon his pride and some people even resent anybody even so much as questioning their integrity.
Still others can be drawn out with indirect questioning such as; "you would tell me if you'd made a mistake with someone, wouldn't you darling?"
But, alas; for others, even the mention of it can bring down a barrage of abuse.
Start by asking him "why?" but do not allow him to answer because his first response is likely to be as deceitful as the act was itself.
Just a few thoughts...
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