A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so confused with the situation I am in now with my boyfriend. I broke up with him in May because I felt that he was way too overprotective with me..that it always lead to arguments. He kept asking to come back and I always said to give it some time for us to think of what we really both want. I still loved him but it really felt too much to handle specially when it happened during the times I was having another personal problems with other people. Anyways, he was going on vacation to Asia for 6 weeks from mid-June to mid-July. I told him to have those 6 weeks off to think things through and we'll talk about it when he comes back. I gave him hope. I gave myself hope. I deleted him off Facebook and just didn't speak to him until his birthday. I greeted him. Then, went quiet again. Then, he sent me messages towards the last week of his vacation. And I found myself replying. When he got back, we met up (my parents aren't cool with us being together..but, that's a different matter). Then, we decided to get back together in secret. Since he came back, he's asked me if I've kissed or done anything with any guys during the summer. I said I didn't (which is the truth). So, I asked him back..he said he didn't, too. He kept asking me this question for a while and I'd do the same (just to be polite, I guess?) and as before, he said he hadn't. And then, when he came to visit me, we were having one of our general chats..then, out of nowhere he said that he kissed 2 girls when he was on holiday. And slept with one of them! I cried. I was so sad that he lied to me. He said that he didn't know how to tell me. He was scared but told me anyway because he loves me. I told him that I'm not gonna talk to him for a while because I feel sick everytime I think about it. And because he lied. But, that time we weren't together. So, would that be considered as CHEATING? Should I just break up with him for good? Or carry on with the relationship? Please help! Thank you :)
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female
reader, RennieGeek  +, writes (9 October 2010):
Some of these people who have responded sound like they've been hurt by idiots so here is my brief and honest opinion.
It is NOT cheating. You broke up with him, gave him permission more or less to do whatever he wanted. These girls, were most definitely rebounds and had you not jerked him around he woudln't have done it. I mean, you say you gave him hope but you even deleted him off Facebook and wouldn't respond to him. That doesn't sound like hope to me.
At this point you need to either get over it or let him go because you are dragging him along confusing the hell out of him and he will end up leaving you because of it.
A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (9 October 2010):
If the two of you were broken up at the time he was with other girls, no it is not cheating.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 No it isn't cheating. You cant break up with a guy, not talk to him or respond to his messages and still expect to keep him on a short leash. To be honest sleeping with only one other person on a six week holiday in Asia and then making an unforced disclosure of it seems pretty good behavior to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Technically it's not cheating and if he told you the truth the first time it would have remained that way.
But given the fact that he lied to you over and over again, that to me makes it cheating because it means you can't trust him at all. Getting with those girls could have been a rebound, a mistake, but lying about it constantly especially when he asked you about it is too much.
You need to break up with this guy for good.
He said he was scared to tell you because he loves you, but he wasn't too scared of sleeping with this girl, he didn't love you enough to wait for you and keep trying to be faithful only to you. Instead of trying to fix the problems between you and trying to win you back he went off and shagged some other girl and kissed another, he had a great time.
He's no good for you, he's very jealous and very possessive, over protective and over bearing. He'd never speak to you again if he found out you'd been with anyone else during your break but the same doesn't apply to him, he expects you to get over it because he's sorry.
You're 18-21 your parents not liking him IS part of this, you're an adult now, yet you have to meet up in secret. That's not good. That means there's something up with this guy.
The reasons you broke up are still valid, he's still over protective, the fact that the first thing he wanted to know when you got back together was if you'd been with anyone else shows you this.
Enough is enough OP, this isn't going to work out in any kind of nice way.
You've been fighting to fix this relationship all summer and it's october now and it's still making you miserable. That's a long time to be banging your head against a wall.
I really hope you end this and stay away from, cut all contact. But I have a feeling it's just going to be a miserable on/off thing with this guy for a while. You might not see him for a month then start chatting again then give it another shot, realize he's still the same then break up again, then get in contact again. I think this will go on for another few months or years.
I hope for your sake I'm wrong.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (9 October 2010):
 No, it's not considered cheating because you weren't together at the time.
These girls may simply have been rebounds and after them he realises how much he still loves you. However, i know how hard it is when you hear something that you don't want to hear, but maybe he lied to you to try and protect you, but couldn't cope with it and had to come clean. Maybe he just didn't know how to tell you - i've seen plenty of guys posting on here asking how they go about giving their girlfriends bad news, maybe he thought he had the courage to tell you when he asked you if you had done anything with anyone, but bottled it when you asked him...
I mean, at least he was the one to tell you the truth, can you imagine how you would feel if you heard it from someone else???
As long as he's not in contact with these girls then i think you should carry on having your time and space to work out what it is you're going to do. Alot of people find that they can deal with things like this - me included, maybe talk with friends family about your options with this guy.
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