A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I sent an intimate photo to the guy I’m dating. You can’t see my face and there’s no full nudity, but it’s implied.Anyway, he was at a bar the other night and he told me this woman kept hitting on him. She wouldn’t leave him alone even though he said he was seeing someone, so he showed her the photo of me to tell her to leave him alone.For me, this makes no sense. And I’m quite frustrated about it. I sent it to him in confidence and not to show it to anyone. He doesn’t really see the problem with it and because he told me, he thinks it lets him off the hook. He insists he’ll never do it again but I don’t know what his thought process behind it all. I feel a little betrayed. We haven’t been dating for a long time and we’ve had a few arguments already and it’s very early days. Lastly, he told me while out for dinner so I couldn’t even express myself properly at the time. I don’t know if this was intentional on his behalf but it meant I had to bring it up later, which means I felt like I stewed on it.What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2021): He was chatting her up and thought that if he showed a photo it would get her to believe that he is some super fantastic man who deserves her. Nothing fantastic about a player or a liar. But there again I don't think you are in a real relationship with him. Too many women, especially young ones meet a guy once or sleep with him or sex chat with him and then say he is their partner - it's ridiculous. Far too much far too quick. Then they expect far too much of the man.
Never share intimate things with people. Even if you have known them for years and know them very well they can turn nasty with you and it can backfire.
A
male
reader, Anon21  +, writes (13 October 2021):
How long have you been dating your boyfriend? No one, woman or man should send intimate photos to their boyfriends,girlfriends,partners phone. Not even a husband because if there is a bitter breakup those photos can be used as revenge porn and sent to their friends,placed on porn sites etc.
Once the photos have been sent you lose control over them and it is virtually impossible to have them removed once they are posted to the internet.
Sexting which is what you have done is illegal in some countries and can land you in trouble with the law.
Ask your boyfriend to delete them and talk to him about how it made you feel when he showed your intimate photo to someone else.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (11 October 2021):
 I agree with YCBS, i don't think that any malice was meant in what he did. He obviously was not happy about being hit on by a persistent woman who would not leave him alone, so he showed the photo to get rid of her as he knew he was with you.
I get why you are upset by this, so in future be very careful what you send to people via the internet because you never know where they may end up. If you plan to see him again get him to delete the photo or photo's so you can see him do it, and refrain from sending any more.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 October 2021):
 I'm going to buck the trend here and disagree with the outrage poured out by you and some of the other aunts and uncles. I have a different perspective on this incident.
While what he did was not "classy", and he could have handled the situation much more subtly, his intentions were good (if misguided) and he definitely didn't show the photograph to brag or embarrass you. He showed it to push away the suitor who he was struggling to push away any other way. Would you have rather he had given in to her advances or taken all night to "persuade" her he was not interested?
While I totally understand why you now have trust issues where he is concerned, I really don't think any malice was meant in what he did. Poor judgment possibly. If his actions were such a major issue for you, then learn a lesson and don't send any more "intimate" pictures to guys with whom you don't have a decent history and who you know you can trust completely.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (11 October 2021):
 The internet is forever. That is why your face wasn't in the picture and why the was not full Nudity. You gave him this picture knowing that something like this might happen. You prepared for this by limiting the content of the photo.
Now that you know how you feel about the publication of this level of picture, you can do as you have been advised.
Delete the photo.
Break up with the man.
Enforce your boundaries better next time.
As a side note:
Showing a potential suitor a non intimate photo of your partner has worked wonders for me in the past. Cooled that girl right down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2021): Ask him to hand you his phone and allow you to delete the photo. There should be no reason he would refuse. If he does refuse; then you'll have a big decision to make. That is to breakup with him. If you don't think it's worth breaking-up over; then drop the issue.
Mull it over in your mind how he reacted when you made it abundantly clear he is to show that photo to absolutely no-one. He dismissed you.
Fortunately, there is no face to the photo, so no-one can connect you with that photo. Lest they've seen you naked. All you need is plausible deniability. If anyone asks if it's you? The answer is no!
I hope a lot of women read your post. It's cute and sexy to send people naughty pictures. If you don't want it to come back to bite you in the @$$; think well before sharing intimate photos displaying your lady-parts. Especially if you have tattoos, birthmarks, or other identifying features that are dead-giveaways. Once it's in their possession, it's their property to do with as they please; and to show them to whomever they like. Even worse, post it on the internet.
If he refuses to let you delete the photo. Lesson learned. Some things you giveaway, you can't easily take back. It's not entirely the fault of the person you gave it to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2021): My thoughts are he was using your picture as leverage with this other female. My view would be he was flirting with her and she wasn't that interested so he whips out a picture of his sexy babe aka you .. to say look I can pull this .. I've seen friends being in your situation .
I agree with honeypie. Get him to delete the pictures he has of you pronto. The thing is.. he might not.. you may need a male relative to go with you or the police as he may say no . I think once he starts flashing your pic about you have a right to get them removed from his device .
I would then end this and never again send pictures to bf no matter how much they beg
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2021): Ugh.Gross.And dumb too.When you want to stave off unwanted attentions, there is no need at all to exhibit pics as a physical evidence of your refusal.You just tell them that you are not interested,that's it.And if really this woman at the bar was oh so insistent and annoying, ...worst case scenario he could have turned his back and left.
Probably the only reason behind his strange action was...that he had had too many drinks and his brain was a little foggy.
Not that this makes things better, at least IMO.Some people would say "eh guys will be guys, you can't resent him for a couple drink too many ".That's a point of view; my point of view is that if there is something more obnoxious that an uncouth blunderer, this is a drunk uncouth blunderer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 October 2021):
 Ask him to delete all of the "intimate photos" he has RIGHT in front of you next time you see him in person.
If he can't treat them (and thereby you) with the respect and privacy as they were intended - (and he FRIGGGING knows that) then he doesn't deserve them.
Also, what DUDE whips out nudes of another woman if they get hit on by another woman?
And lastly, LEARN from this. "Intimate photos" are NOT candy. You shouldn't hand them out to someone who IS NOT a trustworthy long-term partner. You don't owe ANY other person pictures like that.
Is this really a guy you can see yourself with? What other things does he do or will he do that shows how little he respects you?
Because THAT is mind-boggling disrespectful and crass to boot.
Ask what he would think if you showed other guys HIS dick pics (because I bet that he has sent you some, right?) if these guys hit on you? Would he think that was great?
Probably not.
I think you need to MAKE darn sure these pictures are deleted and NOT on his cloud either. And then you might want to reconsider him as a partner. How are you to build trust with this knob?
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