A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:My husband and I are both 34 and have a 8 year old and a 6 month year old. We had our 8 year old early on in the relationship. I didn’t know how controlling the in laws were going to get. We lived with them. They eventually pushed us out when my daughter was small. We had an agreement to increase the days with my daughter. My husband was working long hours and I was left to deal with them on my own. We kept having money troubles. My parents said they’d help, then reneged and gaslighted us. They inherited and went on massive holidays. I tried to talk to my husband but he was resentful and would just tell me where to shove it. The in laws then went for custody and won.please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2021): Your post is short, but one thread is obvious: you don't seem to be making decisions. Life seems to just happen to you.
I don't know what your situation is like, what degree of education you have, if you've worked or not...
You MUST for your own and your kids sake become an financially independent person.
I have no idea what might have happen so that you and your husband lose the kids. I empathize, but you and your husband had the kids NOT your parents and NOT your in-laws, who have won the custody of them from what I gather.
You need to be able to provide for them ad that's hard. have you tried career counseling? Local groups and associations?
Do what's best for you and your kids.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2021): I gather that you lost custody of your children to your in-laws? They'd have to have a rather good case, and a decent attorney; in order to convince a judge to hand your children over to their grandparents. They'd have to prove to a court they could offer the children a more stable and healthy environment.
You have to establish your financial-situation; and fight to get your kids back. You need to find a pro bono attorney who is willing to donate legal services to help you fight for your kids. As for your husband, do you see reason to keep him? It is likely he'll fight you for child-custody as well. Seems he didn't team-up with you to fight to keep your kids!
You first have to get a steady job, a decent affordable place to live and raise children, and a lawyer. All of that will take time and determination. There is no easy solution to your problems. I see no reason your in-laws would take your children away; just because they could. I think they'd have to prove they have their best interest at heart. Courts don't snatch children from their parents willy-nilly. You have to prove the children are in danger, neglected, and/or not properly provided for. You have to prove the parents unfit.
You should also pray to God for help and answers. Faith is a powerful tool and weapon; if you believe. Some churches, charitable organizations, and women's groups will provide you with legal-assistance, referrals for social services, and counseling.
Start searching! May God provide you guidance and help you get your babies back!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2021): It's hard to give you any advice without having full details about the background, but if the Court gave custody to the child's grandparents over her biological parents,it must have deemed that you, the parente, were not able to provide adequately , moneywise or from other points of view ,for your child.You mention recurring money troubles, and if this is the case, frankly as a mother I would be just grateful that there is someone else in the world who is able and willing (which should never be taken for granted) to provide for my daughter instead of myself. As for your own parents, maybe they were not generous with you, but,guess what, they did not have to be, and you were not entitled to count on their financial help. You and your husband are fully adult, it should not matter if your parents are millionaires or pennyless- anyway, whatever they have got is theirs to spend it as they see fit, you and your husband cannot and should not get by in life based on the promise,and the premise, that some parent is going to help you out of your monetary troubles.Because you must make your own money, and the responsibility of taking care of yourselves ,and of your children, belongs to you ,not your parents or in laws.So the only ,(very generic,I admit ) advise that I I think fits your situation is that you and your husband work as hard as you can and save as much as possibile and try your very best to straighten up your financial position, and to get out of money troubles and /or debts if you have any.I know that's easier said than done and I am sure there are reasons for your inability to provide for your daughter, then again I feel sure that as a mother you realize that the Court has the duty to protect the weaker part, i.e. the child, whatever it takes to do so , and that ,although you miss not having your child with you full time, you appreciate that her material needs are duly taken care of ,no matter what.
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