A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and Uncles. I have posted here before and got some helpful advice so I'm back again! I'm really confused about the behviour of my ex. We split up about a year ago but stayed in touch. During arguments he has threatened to change his phone number and never speak to me again etc but has never actually done this. He came round to see me at Christmas and brought presents for myself and the family then phoned up just after Christmas and asked if he could come round etc .. He seemed ok when he was here and was talking about coming back with some treats for our dogs etc. He has had some psychological prolems and a nasty divorce in the last few years (I was with him for 5 yrs and supported him through the last part of his divorce - he was estranged from his ex wife when we met and she was seeing a new guy). I am just getting mixed messages from him. When he was here he stood hugging me for ages and I interpreted this as affection (as opposed to him just trying to get me into bed etc, which he didn't and in any case the house was full of people). He seems up and down as to whether he wants cnotact and wants to get back together again. I would like us to try again as I do love him despite his issues and we spent nearly 6 yrs together in total and were friends for a year before that and since we split we have stayed in touch and even met up a lot, although less so in the last few months. Can anyone make sense of this behaviour?? It's like hs is in two minds or something. Does the hugging and coming for Christmas with presents and asking if he could come again show that he might still have feelings for me? He seems to sway between being affectionate and friendly to getting angry about our old arguments. Help! It's driving me nuts and I'm not sure how to proceed to sort this out. Thank you.
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christmas, divorce, ex-wife, get back together, his ex, mixed messages, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, gmoney  +, writes (3 January 2010):
Hello
Sometimes when people break up its best to stay apart... he probably does still luv you, which is why he is so affectionet. On the other hand he was probably hurt by whatever old arguments he keeps bringin up... I would suggest that you talk it over with him and demand that if he cant get over your previous arguments to just move on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 January 2010):
There is a saying, it goes like this. If you want to know a man, speak to his first wife. She has said he was controlling, but at the same time she remained closed to him. So it's safe to say there were serious problems on both sides. That's a warning. And to be fair, he still refers to he as a bitch, which would suggest there are problems with him letting go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Hi CG, thanks for your reply. Yes he is a bit of a mess unfortunatel! He is quite bitter about life and about his ex wife getting half their house in his divorce (he calls her a 'bitch' etc and seems generally angry - she had affairs but she says he drove her to it!). I think he does care but he seems to be in a bit of a world of his own. I do love him and would support him through counselling and i do feel his behaviour is not normal. He seemed to so happy and relaxed when he was here and even my family noticed it, then he came back again a couple of days later (his idea/suggestion) and now he seems to have gone 'on the turn' again .. i think old slights are still in his mind and when they crop up he gets angry again .. i have told him we cannot carry on like this forever but it has to come within him, ie HE has to decide if he can get over the prolems and arguments and move forwards ... it's hard when you love somsone though and have spent many years with them & everyone says I am a bit of a 'soft hearted type' which probably doesn't help! :( I have a good job, good education and I am independent etc so he knows I want him for him, not just for someone to support me (he always felt his ex wife was on a bit of a 'meal ticket' as they had one child and she never really worked, even when the child was older and when she did do some work she still made him pay for everything and refused to tell him how much she earned ... but then again he is a control freak so maybe she felt claustrophic with him .. who knows!) Thanks again. :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 January 2010):
If you want the truth, I think he's a mess and I don't think it's advisable for you to have a relationship with him again at the moment. I'm not even sure if he really knows what he wants out of it all. Perhaps he hasn't really got over his nasty divorce and has problems committing. I think he has feelings for you, but if he has problems he must sort them out before you take him back.
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