A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for a few month we are friends and he knows i like him more than that. He said he doesnt want to hurt me and would stop the fun we are having. I dont want to stop the fun and it wont be more than what we have but a few times he asks me how do i feel about him i said even if i tell him his feelings wont change and then he says he doesnt know. He doesnt actually know what he wants. Its like he sees the advantages of being with me but then stops himself because he wants easy life no stress of a girlfriend. Why do men say their feelings might change after asking how a woman feels about them but then stop themselves from trying things ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 April 2019):
 So he wants the GF-experience but NOT the GF.
THAT isn't going to change. He is ACTUALLY fine being single and mingle with whomever and when that "whomever" gets to attached he ends it and moves on.
WHICH is what he is trying to do with you, but you REFUSE to accept that fact. Instead you PRESUME he might change, that YOU can change him.
Honey, you can't. Because he doesn't WANT to change.
Keep banging your head against this brick wall (him) if you wish, it's your life and your time to waste.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 April 2019):
 He won’t change and you’re kidding yourself if you think he will.
He ‘would’ end things but you don’t want to? Lol is he supposed to be doing you a favour there by continuing to string you along because you haven’t come to the realisation yet that you’re wasting your time?
It really doesn’t take a long time to pick up vibes whether you want to pursue something romantically with someone. If he needs to convince himself that you are ‘right’ for him then it’s clear you’re not a good match. It should be a natural transition into something serious which this is not heading for.
How long do you need to see if there’s a ‘chance’? You’ve already been speaking to each other for a few months. If you were going to get together, you already would be. I hope you’re not sleeping with the guy or you’re very obviously being used for sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2019): OP. here . He has said he would end it but i am the one who doesnt want to. In my head i think he might change, maybe he wont but i like to see if theres a chance. I wont wait forever. For the first month he was all for seeing if there could be a relationship get to know each other but it was hard to see each other more than a couple of times a month. I know i should end it but right now im struggling to. I know he slips up sometimes saying things because then he changes his mind to what hes said. He is always inviting me to do things and acts like a boyfriend without the commitment
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 April 2019):
 A couple of possibilities come to mind here (and I am sure you have already considered these yourself, given your age):
1. He is getting a kick out of playing with you. Have you ever watched a cat play with a mouse it has caught? It will pounce on it, then let it go. As soon as the mouse moves far enough away to think it is free, the cat will pounce again. The game ends when the mouse either manages to escape or the cat gets bored with the game and kills the mouse. He is being the cat to your mouse. He will dangle the possibility of having feelings for you, asking what your feelings are for him so you get your hopes up, then he will dash them. Like the cat and mouse game, there are two possible outcomes. You can hang in there until he gets bored and dumps you, or you can walk away and find someone who believes you are worth more.
2. If by "fun" you mean sex (I assume you are saying you have sex), then why should he commit to more when he already has all he wants from you? As one of my friends used to say, why buy a book when you can go to the library? You obviously DO want more. Are you going to settle for just providing him with his "fun" or do you, like me, think you are worth more?
Sweetheart, if a man tells you he doesn't know how he feels about you, this is the coward's way of saying he does not have deep feelings for you but doesn't want to admit it for fear you will deprive him of his sex on demand. You have the option to settle for this or to walk away and find someone who sees your worth.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 April 2019):
People (read, GUYS) who tell you they don't KNOW what they want... well, they DO NOT want you.
It's really THAT simple. Sure, it doesn't FEEL that great that someone will mess around with you, hook up with you but otherwise wants nothing REALLY serious to do with you, BUT you ARE really the one in charge. you can either ALLOW this guy to USE you until he finds a girl he DOES want to date or you can wish him well and MOVE ON, finding a guy who WANTS to be with you as much as YOU want to be with him.
He knows you like him. He knows he can USE that fact.
If you are BOTH in your 40's - you really should know better. A guy will not be "undecided" and then change his mind and be totally into you.
You probably know this.
I get that you can see this going somewhere "if only" he could figure out what he wants.... But reality is, OP you can't build a relationship on hope and change alone.
Someone either SEES potential IN you as a partner, or they don't.
If you stick around HOPING his feeling will CHANGE, you are only going to be WAY more emotionally invested in this guy and YOU are the one who will get hurt when he finds another woman that HE doesn't have doubts about.
Don't hang your hopes on a guy who is "meeeh" interested in you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2019): He wants the sex with no strings attached. It's not that complicated. He tests you by asking you how much you like him; to exploit your feelings for him. As long as you hang-on even though you know he will never commit to a relationship; he will use you.
That's how a player gets-over. He plays you against yourself.
It's beneath your dignity to let-on to any player how desperate you are. He takes advantage of your weakness and he considers you pitiful and stupid.
Don't throw all men in with that pile of feces you're messing-around with. He's YOUR choice! You've lowered your standards; because you want him so bad. If all the men you've met are like him, then perhaps it's the "type" you seem most attracted to.
"Why do men say their feelings might change after asking how a woman feels about them but then stop themselves from trying things?"
Sorry, but...NO! That isn't true about "men." It's about YOUR man!
I know why you wrote this post. You know better!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 April 2019):
Why? Because it strokes his ego.
He knows you like him, he enjoys knowing that you want something serious with him so he can dangle a carrot in front of you and snatch it away whenever he sees fit.
You need to ask yourself is this worth it? If it was going to develop, it would of when you shared your feelings. The longer you stick around him, the more you’ll get hurt when shit hits the fan.
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