A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there - thank you for reading...So I am a Personal Assistant (Secretary in some countries) and I have a really good working relationship with my boss. My issue is that I have started dreaming about him and have started to develop a bit of a crush on him. Not only is this bad as you can't be dipping your quill in company ink, but we work extremely closely anyway so I do not wish to ruin our professional relationship, and ultimately my job prospects. Not only that, he is already in a relationship with a girl at work half his age. As a side note, this girl is actually a nasty piece of work and I have always thought this even before I started to develop feelings, so it isn't a jealousy thing - no one at work likes her. I do also think that she is jealous of my good working relationship with my boss, which has never been flirty or anything, we just get on well and that is part of being someone's PA.It really is just a crush - there is no way I would see a future with this guy for a multitude of reasons and I am very much doing my upmost to keep things normal and professional as they always have been. My question is - how do I get over it and just restore order!? It is the sort of thing which I think is just a phase but I would like to somehow fast forward to the bit where I am over the crush and can just get on with my job!Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2019): Picture him taking a dump! How about all the nasty little habits he may have that you don't know about? He APPEARS to be Prince Charming at work. He's at his best and on his best behaviour. Aren't we all? Squash the FANTASY OF HIM for the REALITY OF HIM. Agree with last poster. What fuels the fire? What is in our own heads. What we tell ourselves. Tell yourself he has a pot belly under that suit. That he's like any other guy. Not special.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2019): It's difficult because at work he's probably dressed smartly as in wearing a suit, which is very masculine and sexy and he probably behaves in an appealing way too, because he's at work.
Now I'm not saying that he doesn't always behave in such an appealing way and look nice, but, if he's anything like the rest of the human race, he's likely a little different at home than he is in the work place.
SO, imagine him slouching in front of the tele, farting and picking his nose. Imagine that maybe his hygiene isn't great and he's in a shit mood.
You know what it's like when you've been with someone for a while, the shine goes because you've seen all this kind of thing and it's all getting a bit old? Well, put you and him in that place already. Make him human again, because right now all you're seeing is the very appealing side of him. Remember there's another side and employ your imagination in a negative way when you're around him.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (6 April 2019):
 You have already been given great advice so I will just reiterate. Its a job you are there to work get paid and that's it. Its not the place to flirt date and get involved with a worker so you can become the water cooler gossip. Restrain yourself and remember that getting involved with someone you work with rarely works out, people talk, there are usually uncomfortable/bad feelings afterwards, and in some cases someone can be fired if the workplace has a no dating policy. Is this guy worth it? I doubt it.
Be cool, be calm and ALWAYS be professional. Keep contact with him as minimal as possible and remind yourself that he is involved with someone else.
You aren't a teenager you are an adult. I doubt if the guy is worth your job
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (6 April 2019):
You seem sensible about this r/ship i.e the pros and cons to it. Carry on remaining restrained and professional. In time your crush on him will fade but being around him alot at work makes it harder but you will get there.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (6 April 2019):
The key to getting over a crush that you know won't work is finding a new crush. Meet lots of people by going out, or involving other people in your life, and find a crush who actually makes sense. Even dreaming of a movie star is better.
And many crushes have turned into good friendships. The reason why you have a crush is he has attributes you like. I have many lifelong friends who I had a crush on, or they had a crush on me at one point, but it made no sense for us to date.
This too shall pass, if you simply find someone else to daydream about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2019): Self-control. Professionalism. Reining in your sense of entitlement that tells you that you've got to have whatever feels good; or whatever you've convinced yourself you must have.
It's normal and okay, because it's just a crush. You're human. You just don't given-in to your random impulses. You weigh your pros and cons; with the knowledge that messing around with the people you work with, or work for, usually ends-up in a mess. Think about the drama you have to contend with if it goes sour.
Seems the boss has everyone's mind on anything but doing their jobs. As for your feelings about the other female, that could be you. Let her be the example of your worst case scenario. The boss's plaything, or mistress.
Keep your personal-life and your love-life, separate from your professional-life; and you'll fare better without losing jobs. You can avoid being humiliated where you have to earn the rent and bill money. You won't be fodder for workplace gossip; and receiving dirty-looks from disrespecting co-workers. Who will only assume you're trying to sleep your way into gaining favor with the boss. True or not, you lose respect.
Restrain your crush, and it will fade.
What sets us humans above dogs, cats, and lower animals is that we can think using logic; and thereby, control ourselves.
If you were at a jewelry store trying on an exquisite diamond ring; the urge will come over you to run out the door with it. Your common-sense will tell you that the consequences would be too harsh. Same goes for letting your impulses go unmanaged and so out of control that they rule over you; instead of your common-sense and logic taking command of your feelings.
In spite of our sexual-urges and desires; we can analyze a situation, and solve problems using our intellect. We are not at the mercy of our hormones, groins, and animal-instincts.
Bite your lip, distract your thoughts, and focus on what you were hired to do. Be the best at what you do. The best that company has ever had! Win by merit, not through favor! It takes a lot of dedication and hard work to do that; so your mind isn't left idle to be scoping-out the boss! He's heading for a fall, anyway!
If she turns on him, she's got him literally by the testicles! It's a scandal waiting to happen. He's thinking with his little head!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 April 2019):
 You keep romance and work separate.
THAT is how you deal with it. BE professional at work, which means no flirting, nothing to personal shared, keep it to WORK related topics.
Whether his GF is a total both or not, IS irrelevant. No one cares. He can date whomever he wants. And obviously he has CHOSEN to date her.
Go out with friends, meet new people. Who knows maybe you will meet someone you ACTUALLY have a chance to connect with in a romantic way - AWAY from your work place.
Don't be the "cliche" - the girls who ends up screwing her boss thinking he REALLY cares only to find that she can't keep her job or drama out of her work place.
BE PROFESSIONAL. You are in control of yourself, your action and your feelings.
Sure, I get that a guy can be "crush worthy" but YOUR JOB isn't high school or a dating site, it's a place of BUSINESS 0- so act like you are there to work and not swoon over your boss or some other dude.
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