A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The man I have been dating seems to constantly talk about a woman he works closely with. Although she is married with small children, he seems interested but doesn't persue becaus she's married. He seems to find every opportunity to talk about her when he can even to me. He ignores me at work when they are together and says its because he doesn't want his colleagues to know he's dating me. Am I just insecure?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): sounds like he's infatuated. tread lightly. it may be a passing phase. but what will it pass onto? what is next for him? another woman may turn up again. get ready!
A
female
reader, maruechant  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 I believe you are not insecure, just normal to feel that way. In fact, I can't see the reason why he doesn't want to let others know that he is dating you. In the first place, more rumors can build up if he constantly sees a married woman instead of an uncommitted single woman like you. Honestly, if I were you, I would think that I'm not getting into a serious dating because the one im conversing with is "always" describing to me another woman whom he finds more appealing than me. If he is really into you, why does he keep on clinging with this married woman whom he seems to "extremely" like and even ignoring you when he's with her? This is absurd and definitely, unacceptable excuses.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we do work together but he is in a high level position that requires confidentiality so he doesn't feel comfortable with peopel knowing at work.
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (27 February 2007):
 He dos`nt want his colleagues to know he`s dating you? No, you are not being insecure. What is this man up to? I have no idea, but it`s Not Good. You haven`t said whether you work with him, but I presume you do from what you`ve said. If I were you, I`d go up to him when he`s with her, and ask "What are we doing tonight/ Did you enjoy the meal I cooked for you at the weekend/ Is the car running better after it slow started last Tuesday", or Whatever. See what his reaction is. As you are dating him, and being very patient (I wouldn`t be!), you deserve to know where you stand. There might be a logical expanation for his strange behaviour, but I doubt it. Please let me know how you get on, Kind Regards, Heather.
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A
male
reader, Unconditional  +, writes (27 February 2007):
I had a less complicated problem once...But now I think I see things clearer. Firstly, of course you're insecure. You do not feel secure about what he says. Please don't mix this up with being neurotic. I don't think you're neurotic. Let's start at the root of the problem... He talks about another woman, (potentially a rival for your love). It's normal to talk about other people, to gossip even. But when does it get too much, or ABnormal?Answer: When the people he is talking to are offended...You seem offended. Being offended causes internal dilemmas in yourself. It also seems that you cannot sort out these dilemmas in yourself, so perhaps (two heads better than one) you had better talk to someone in person about it. the best person would be the one most actively involved in the dilemma - HIM!!!Pick a moment (it may be hard) when he is not talking about her and ask him: 'Do you love her?' nonchalantly. Keep cool. Then you will find the ood words which descride how you feel at heart... Don't disguise your instinct with too much diplomacy, and listen to what you say. Any other problems that you brushed away will break loose, and you can comfront them together (if he still loves you)... Best wishes :-/
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