A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hoping for some good advice here.I have been with my boyfriend a year now , and still no words of love have come from him. He’s very loving and affectionate but I don’t think he’s in love with me. He tells me Im beautiful and sexy etc and also that I mean a great deal to him. He’ says he loves our relationship and that fact that its so easy going and there are no issues with my kids ( compared to his last relationship) however he said he had his heart broken by the ex girlfriend and he needed a bit of time ( They split over a year and a half ago). In the beginning he used to joke about living together and say things that made me think he wanted not only long term but to settle with someone, but say those kind of things anymore.5 months later after this conversation and things are still the same although we did seem to be getting a bit closer, and he was talking of introducing my kids to his parents and they have been to stay at his a couple of times now. Having told him recently that I found it hurtful that he’s keeping me at arms length and don’t want us to date for years and then him decide he’s ready for love and Im not the one -as I would be the one that gets really hurt. He said that he should think about what he wants as its not faiir on me. Then proceeded to be even more loving and talking of holiday next year etc. I know he doesn’t want to break up but Im not sure if I should be patient ( as I do come with children and we live an hour apart) or give up as I always tend to think that you should know after a year how you feel about someone. Maybe Im just an easy relationship for him that gives him what he needs but its no deeper than that, but its starting to feel shallow . We are holidaying with my kids next month and I do wonder if he just wants to get that out of the way and then wait to see if I bring it up again and then tell me he cant give anymore and put the ball in my court.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): Thanks for your good advice. Im not sure if I can give it two years. Its on my mind constantly and I hate the fact that I cant trust its a genuiene relationship anymore. maybe thats unfair to him and im being impatient. Think i will seee how the holiday goes and give it till xmas tops, but I cant see myself keeping quite that long and if things dont change or he doesnt bring it up I guess I have my answer already and its just down to me to end it. Thanks all the same xx
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Well, you have tried you best to tell him everything that you are feeling and he hasn't really responded to you in a way that gives you any hope for having a future together. I think that you should set a deadline, in your own mind, for allowing this to happen. How long do you truly feel that it is reasonable to wait for a commitment from him? If you did want one more child, that might change how long you are willing to wait. I would suggest that at your age, two years is long enough for a man to make up his mind, but perhaps another number is what you would feel comfortable with. The point of having an expectation in mind will allow you a set point when you can throw in the towel and move on. There isn't any game playing here. Don't tell him, or hold it over his head. You have an expectation of what you want in your life. He has an idea of what he wants. If they are never going to gel, perhaps setting this deadline will stop your waiting in perpetuity for that life that you want. Good Luck, Dear.
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