A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey im in a little tricky situation and was wondering to get some help... anything.... so here goesIve been hanging around with this guy for about 6 months and we become really close to each other. when i first started chatting to him it was just casual and then suddenly became serius and intense. we were talking to each other like 3 times a day and for hours during the night. we then began to devolpe feelings for each other. we both kinda confessed that we like each other and care about one another. i suggested we got together and sudddenly it felt like it was the end of the wordl for him. he freaked out and was like i do care about you and do really like you but i cant get into a relationship. i dont understand, if two people like each other whats the big deal and whys he fucking with my mind. its simple right be with me or not. is this the right attitude or whati dont understand what i should do or say in order to persuade him that im for real.. help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 The only thing I can think of is that he is a commitment phobe. I think you have the exact right attitude, if you like me date me. Just back off from him. Talk to him when you want but date whomever you want to and don't think of yourself as with this guy. Once he sees you with other guys and if he is really into you, he should change his mind about being in a relationship. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): Oh My God, I am in the exact same situation.
Except me and the guy have known each other for a year!
However 3 weeks ago we had a few to many and slept together, after this I thought it would be weird between us but it was fine, we are so close and he says he really likes me SO WHY THE FUCK WONT HE GET IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME!!
I will give you the same advice a friend gave to me 'move on'. sorry but these guys arnt worth our time.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (6 July 2008):
 He might be the kind of guy who likes the chase, then gets the target and loses interest...Unfortunately you will come across a few guys like this in your time! :o(
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (6 July 2008):
 The "guys who are afraid of commitment" story is as old as the written word, or maybe older. Some guys just will NOT be pinned down. My guess is that you've found one of these.
It's not a comfortable place to be. You can try to stay with this guy for a while longer to see if he changes his mind, but my guess is that he's pretty set in his ways and you're not going to convince him. If the status quo is good enough for you and you haven't got anything else to do, you could stick with him, but if you're interested in finding a relationship my guess is that you're not likely to find it here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): I don't know if that is the "right" attitiude but I certainly agree with you. Its all or nothing. You deserve what you want and if he can't give it to you then oh well for him.
If you want to persuade him tell him exactly what you said here. Say, "I feel a little led on, I thought that we were actually going somewhere with this. And now you tell me that you don't want a relationship but I'm sorry but that's what I want and I figured that is what we both wanted." And see what he says, and if he still doesn't want it, its really simple, just walk out the door.
In fact this just happened to me. The guy I was seeing all of a sudden changed his mind about wanting to be in a relationship. I tried to talk to him but he said that he was sure he didn't want a relationship. So, I walked out of his life. I am not going to be his friend, no way. Cut him out cold turkey. Not in a mean way. We are still civil. But that's what you gotta do.
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