A
female
age
36-40,
*oethuzaraye
writes:Hi dear-cupid. I need your help. Me and my bf been together for 4 years. We live in state of arizona. We both have job, apartment for living and car. He said he want to move to another state. This state have a lot of bad memory of him. We had one time domestic violience and he was in the jail for one night. He said that's make him to move to another state. for me is not make a sence. He said if I don't moving with him we have to break up. I don't wanna break up with him and I don't wanna move to another state too. I don't know what to do. He give me 6 months to think. He said he will wait for till 6 months and if I don't change my mind he will go by himself and our relationship will be the end. I cry like a crazy. I have my parents live here. I don't wanna leave them either. I don't know what to do. If you were me what would you do? I can't think to break up with him. Its will be hurt me a lot. I love him so much. so much.. Please please help me! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): The domestic violence is a big red flag. Were there other times where he hurt you or threatened you but it just didn't seem bad enough to report? Is he usually controlling and wanting things his way only?
I agree with fishdish about not being alone with him in a new place away from your family and friends. Do you think he might be trying to isolate you from them, and that this is a reason he wants to move?
What if he accumulates more "bad memories" in the new state? Will he uproot you again?
A lot of things can change in 6 months. See if he will be willing to consider other ways of actually dealing with his bad memories while staying in AZ.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (28 April 2011):
 If the only bad memory he has is being locked up after hitting you then that's not a super reasonable desire to leave. states don't change people, people change themselves. even if he's changed to the point of not abusing you, this seems borderline, this kind of ultimatum. I would also not want to move to a different state, in a new place, without any kind of social[friend or family]support network in case things did get out of hand. How long ago was this incident and how long have you been together?
If you two both love each other, there's no reason you can't try a long distance relationship until you DO feel ready about leaving AZ. You're still pretty young you shouldn't feel pressure to move with him if you're not sure.
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