A
male
age
26-29,
*herno
writes:Hi. I am a 16 year old guy. The truth is...I don't know how to be myself...I am paranoid, truly suffering from paranoia. I do not think there is anyone who is like me on this planet. I am scared and nervous of life in general..as crazy as it seems...here is my story. I have social anxiety, i feel insecure in social situations, especially with girls. I have never had a girlfriend in my life..because I am scared of girls or (intimidated). I cannot talk to them the same way i talk to guys, i cannot work with them in a group and it has been bothering me ever since I turned 14. I feel like i have to act a certain way just to impress people. At school, everyone is pathetic. Barely anybody talks to me and quite frankly, people have stopped talking to me. I have been told that I am s very shallow person, I am not outgoing or confident in myself. I have no confidence in myself 0%. Damit...i hate going on the bus because all people do is stare and also crossing the street, in malls, at school, etc. I do not feel comfortable working in a people environment as oppose to working at home peacefully. Part of the reasons why I have been slow in getting projects done and everything in school is because I cannot work under pressure and the atmosphere of people. I sweat when a girl looks at me or whatever. I am clearly not a social person..i think this could lead to the reason for a lack of communication. People don't give a shit about other people and I feel like im lacking friends, i dont have any real and true friends who i can have consistent friendships with. This is a big issue and it is really getting the best of me in a negative way, please...give me answers. Do I need to get a doctor? or Phsychologist? I feel warm blooded in other words and my god... i sweat when im around people. Im scared of being outgoing and making new friends which is ironic but i want to. Girls scare the crap out of me...heh heh, im pretty sure im the only one in the world who would write something like this...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): If you feel depressed on a daily basis then it might be a good idea to visit your doctor for a chat. Because you dont find it easy to mix with others and i get the feeling you prefer to spend time alone, you are isolating yourself. That can increase any feelings of anxiety and depression, so do go and see your doctor for a chat, i think he/she will be able to help.
A
male
reader, Cherno +, writes (30 April 2011):
Cherno is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers...but....i still feel depressed...every single day...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Lots of people are shy, some learn how to hide it, others get over it, while some never do and spend their lives living with it. Do some research on the subject and you can learn ways to overcome it. Sometimes people will see a reluctance to interact as snobbery or rudeness. But once they realise you are shy, they will make allowances. So the first thing you have to do is explain how you feel. My partner was very shy when we met. But he explained and apologised in advance if he seemed rude. During our first date, he barely spoke to me but it was ok because i knew he must have liked me to have the courage to ask me out in the first place, so i chatted for us both. That was 5 years ago and hes fine now. So be honest with folk and let them know you dont mean to be stuck up, its just shyness.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 At 16 I felt very much the same way.
Its a time when you're figuring out who you are and where you fit in the world. Its tough. First thing I have to say is that there is nobody on the planet exactly like you- obviously. In no way is that a bad thing! You're not a freak- you're just unique. Embrace that.
Hating to go all "life-story" on you, but I couldn't talk to girls for a long time. I even got a bit bitter about my situation as well when I look back on those uncertain times. I'd never seek out social interactions, I'd just tolerate them when the school forced us all together. I was incredibly shy, utterly self-conscious, low self-esteem, low confidence, the only thing I had an abundance of was pimples and paranoia.
After school I decided to ease up on the computer games and hiding away in my room. It's the perfect time to re-invent yourself if you're not happy with who you are, or work on your fears, issues, try new things, meet new people etc. etc. All the things I didn't like about myself, all the bad things people said or did to me only served as a massive rack of ammunition to motivate me to become who I wanted to be as a person.
I wanted a better body- so I hit the gym. I wanted to get over my fear of girls- so I forced myself to talk to girls. I wanted to be more sociable- so I coached a soccer team, then traveled to the states to work as a camp counselor, (officially voted "most shy" out of 150 counselors). Read endless books, got a job in a nightclub and that really forced me to learn social skills- especially around attractive girls. Yeah, I made a fool out of myself countless times and endured some of the most incredibly awkward social moments imaginable. But who the hell cares? Its called "social skills" because its exactly that... a skill. How do you acquire a skill? With practice, making mistakes and learning from them.
Fast forward to today and I've gotta say, I'm a completely different person. I've got plenty of friends, I can talk to girls even better than guys, I'm no longer "shy" and none of my mates believe me when I tell them I used to be really shy. I've met many students from my year in high school when they've come in to my work and its truly satisfying when these people that never talked to me, even made fun of me- tell me I've changed so much, invited me out for a beer and in a few cases flirted outrageously with me.
My points in a nutshell... Don't stress. This is growing up... and yeah, it can really suck at times. But you've got all the time in the world to find where you fit in it. School is not real life. Push yourself to do things that scare you whenever you can. Also consider this... you say that "People don't give a shit about other people"... so why be self conscious about what they think about you if they don't give a shit? Trust me when I say that nobody at school will judge you anywhere near as much as you're already judging yourself... they're all too busy thinking about how others are judging them.
I've bored you enough, but if anything sinks in from what I've written, let it be that you are far from alone.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 Not really. There are many boys like you. One thing I think you should know is that this sort of awkwardness is typical around your age. Things will get better but it will help if you just fight your fears. You can talk to other guys so why is talking to a girl so intimidating? The answer is, you just don't know. So start by looking at yourself in the mirror and asking yourself, what do you have to be proud of? Surely you cannot be as lowly as you see yourself. That is not possible. Confidence is easily mustered when you focus on it because, then you realize, you are not nearly as bad as you think.
All I can give you as advice is, make it a goal to talk to a girl. Know that it doesn't really matter what you talk about. If she's a classmate, talk about the class. Just talk to her, start with hey when you see her, when you are paired up with her, a casual "hey" is always a good start. The point is to get you comfortable with talking to girls. Just push yourself to be more outgoing, whatever fears you have about these things, they will gnaw at you relentlessly until you actually try it and you will feel relieved when you find that those fears suddenly disappear once you get going. Just go against your fears, once you push yourself hard enough, it's easy.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): No you're not the only one who feels this way and what you wrote sounds pretty familiar to me. It probably won't make you feel any better to hear this, but I think a lot of teenagers feel the way you do. Being your age is hard...in fact I would have to say it probably was the hardest part of my life to date.
It's the first time in your life where you're expected to be an individual and act more mature than a kid, but you have no real background or experience in what the means. It’s a bit of an epic challenge when you think about it. Some kids approach this challenge by acting out and making mistakes... repeatedly...even for the wrong reasons...for instance getting attention. Some people like you are just terrified of the challenge in general.
I am a bit of a shy person today, but when I was your age I was a mute. I was terrified of most people, particularly boys. I had trouble forming a sentence in the presence of other human beings. There was a time I literally ate my lunch in the bathroom stalls because I was afraid of being around other people.
I took other people's comments far too seriously. In all honesty, the fact that you are surrounded by peers who are all going through variations of this maturation process doesn't help either...Their perception of you isn't necessarily accurate or to be trusted. In middle school, seeking advice from your peers can be a bit of a futile thing because it's a little like the blind trying to help out the blind. I was accused of being "stuck up" because I was so scared of people. It was so frustrating because I wanted friends as well, but couldn't get over my fears. That’s why I think it’s important to realize that it IS hard for other people. They might not be reacting the same way as you do, but they likely have the same exact doubts and fears. I wouldn’t be so quick to write them off.
I guess the shorter answer to your question is that no, you're not the only one with these feelings, but yes, you might have larger problems if it's interfering with your school work and you leading a normal life. Again, I'm going to say something that probably won't make you feel better, but there is an end to these sorts of feelings and they do go away as you get older. When you go out into the world to form your identity, you will inevitably make mistakes. I think you have to learn how to be brave enough to make them and smart enough to learn from them.
I was prescribed medication at 17 for social anxiety. I would say that it helped a lot initially...for the first year or so. It made me less inhibited, but I still had to make an effort to challenge myself and engage with other people. Medications also wear off. I changed mine 3 times in 4 years. I stopped taking them completely in my early 20s when I got sick of the side effects. I got into therapy and have never considered taking them again. I would say they gave me a wider window into being myself at an important time in my life...but they weren't magic by any means.
I don't know how your parents feel about medication. Mine hated the idea of it and I had to have an episode before they even considered taking me to a psychologist. If your parents are more open, I would try talking to them about it.
Good luck. I know it's a rough time.
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