A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a man, exclusively, for over 2 months. He lives in a town about 20kms away. I spend 3 or 4 nights a week at his place. We share his bed, kiss and cuddle, but have discussed the fact that we would wait before we have sex. We are both over 40 and have been married before. He has made space for some of my clothes and toiletries in his cupboard. I have met his children and have spent time with his sister, we get alone like a house on fire. People who see us in public think we are married and I have been labeled as his girlfriend. We talk on the phone everynight, when not together. Because of his work, he is able to be off, more than I am, so he goes with friends to places to fish or camp without me, although I have been on some of these trips when I could go. We have arranged a trip to Cape Town for our holiday in December, but he says that we are not in a relationship. It is breaking my heart, as far as I am concerned, none of the above would happen if we were not! What to do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 September 2014):
 Iguess tefchnically he's correct but that's no reason to bail out of a really special friendship is it. He is being disrespectfull. Next time he wants to cuddle, I'd tell him to go get a teddy bear.
A
female
reader, LourdesM  +, writes (24 September 2014):
Some men seem to be like this because they are afraid of or simply don't want commitment. There are those who seem to want the attention and love from a woman but with no strings attached. I can identify with some of the women who post here but can give advice based on my own experience only. I was drawn in to guy who was giving me a lot of attention by giving me gifts and telling me how he loved me. There were some red flags but silly me, I didn’t take much notice. After solidifying the relationship, I later found out that had been trying with many women so my ultimate feeling was that this was not something significant or special. It was however, already too late for me. I had already fallen in love. It therefore took me a while to leave him realizing that enough was enough. It really is a very heartbreaking experience to find out that the man you've fallen in love with is not the guy you thought he was. I'll add that he demanded to see other women from his job (past co-workers) by meeting up with them for dinners for their birthdays and sending flowers. Looking back, it really wasn't love for him at all but an addiction. What you currently have with this man has all the markings of a relationship. For him to say otherwise is cruel. I really don't think that I would go another step with a guy like that. Two months is a relatively short time and should not be that hard to break away. At the end it's up to you and I do wish you best of luck!
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