A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for over 7 months now, and lately we've been having a few problems. He says there's no 'spark' in our relationship anymore. when i asked him what he meant he said that he doesn't miss me as much as he used to when i wasn't with him. Is this normal? he told me he still loves me and is willing to work on our relationship, but im a bit unsure where to go from here. he also says we've been drifting apart, how do i fix this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe told me his wanted to stay together when i asked him
A
female
reader, CH-ANT  +, writes (2 June 2010):
This must of been a hard thing to take in when your boyfriend said this but stop and think! What was you relationship like when you first got together? Did you used to enjoy kissing him but now it feels like a chore/habit. To get your relationship back on track you need to talk about what you like and what you dont like about eachother, also the relationship to improve. If you dont talk then you will both have tension in you that one day needs to come out, which will cause to an argument and maybe even a break up. Also go on a couple of dates again, by this i mean meals, cinema or even a walk and a picnic. If it is really that bad then maybe you may need a romantic holiday. One further thing i could suggest is if you and your boyfriend are in a sexual relationship. Try not be itimate for a little while, this will make him want you more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Hello,
Oh the dilemmas of new relationships when were not sure how they're going to pan out. Firstly, you are so young 16-17, is that right? Yet I KNOW what you feel right now it's as real as can be, and it IS! All you feel towards your boyfriend must be taken seriously, and not seen as some silly teenage infatuation. Without sounding a know it all, who sees the younger person, their relationship as somewhat trivial..I actually understand how much you care, how important this boy is to you. True feelings regardless of age should never be trivialised or passed off. Yet I hope with the some of life's experiences I may be able to give you some guidance - NOT meant in any way patronizing.
FACT: it is highly unlikely that you and your boyfriend will make 50 years of wedded bliss, or walking off into the sunset. NOT because there is anything wrong with what you feel, or aim for, but purely because Mother Nature will determine IF this is right for you. Which again is not likely to be. At such a young age we ALL experience what it's like to be in-love, what we like, what we don't like, which in latter years will form our template of the kind of person we will love and be with long-term.
Don't try to make this boy your final commitment, NOT for any other reason than you should KNOW who YOU are first, work, travel, friends. Your boyfriend demonstrates kindness, as in he's asking you to work at things - Missing you not so much, is human, normal...like most relationships, it has to pass the honeymoon stage where you miss each other ALL the time. I'm afraid REAL LIFE relationships are about routine, little romance,and the highs of the early days. These wonderful interactions between males and females only happen initially to get us together.
So perhaps go with your boyfriends thoughts on working at it, but IF it doesn't work out, please don't feel bad, don't think you have failed, you haven't - YOU have been VERY human and will eventually find that person to LOVE, and LOVE you when it's right!
Jilly X
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Marieclaire hit it right on the head, and I agree 100%.It takes two to generate "spark" and your boyfriend has to know that he's 50% of the spark problem. I'd tell him that it was over, and that he's free to pursue the spark. However, that means that you too are free to pursue someone else who feels mega-sparks around you. Sometimes, people in a relationship take it for granted, which leads to complacency. There is the possibility that when you break up with him and then pursue your dreams and life with passion, he'll go from "eh" to "OMG what have I done?!??!" Tell him you don't want to tie him down so that he has to "work" at it, because you are totally not and never will be a drudge. Then wish him luck, go have a night out with your BFF's, and then you'll be free to catch another guy's eye if you want to!Trust me - he will miss you BIG time, especially if he thinks you're open season for another hot guy!
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (1 June 2010):
 de ja vu. I was with my girlfriend for 7 months, told her i felt the spark was gone, she didnt know what i meant.2 weeks later i decided maybe we should take a break.so a week ago, we broke up, still as friends and with plans to date again in the future, because i still love her.Even though we're just friends, our relationship has become better by so many times. we're much happier with each other now, and while i still dont miss her the way i used to, cutting out the unecissary"i love you's" and all the other stuff couples tend to overdo, and saving it for when we really mean it now has brought me closer to her.The only thing i want to warn you about: We are so comfortable with each other as friends now, we're not sure if we want to start dating again. We've hit the dreaded friend zone, but its working for us. We rarely saw each other when we were dating so taking the physical stuff out didnt really hurt us. It could be different for you, especially since our situation was unique, but bringing the spark back may not fix everything.My advice? just go with the flow. If you're drifting apart, let it happen. If once he's been away for a while he realizes he wants to be with you, and you want to be with him, then thats the real fix. After all if you're meant to be together forever then you will be. If you weren't, you'll find somebody else.best of luckxnickx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionahh ok thankyou. i did wonder if it was something like that, but wasn't sure. he still says we are drifting apart though, any advice for that?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 I believe there was a study once that claimed the infatuation period usually last no longer than 6 months. It appears to be correct. After that the rosy glasses come off.
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