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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm 24year plus and my guy is 30 plus we both love eachother despite i was aware that he had a child out of wedlock and he is a contractor by proffession and im a pertime student and working as a secretary in a small studio where i earn little income as salary and i have some outstanding payment in school before this monthv rounds up each time i asked my man for assistance he gives excuses like i have to settle my daughgter school fees and that of his family and that there is no need for him to spend on me till after i got married to him please i need your advice because i felt he doesnt love each time he make such statement what can i do please i need ur advice thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (9 June 2015):
 hi
You've asked him a few times and he's refused you each time. So he's made his position clear.
Has he set a date for your marriage? Or is it far into the future with no date set yet?
Is the marriage, the things you need for the wedding, going to be a bone of contention too, in the future, or will your parents be helping to fund the wedding?
Or will you have to fund everything the bride's family usually provide?
Have you both sat down to discuss how you both see money, budgets, savings and spending?
Are you aware of how much he pays towards his daughter's maintenance and expenses?
Perhaps his financial position is more precarious than you think and that once you are married you may find that once again there is little left in the kitty to pay for much more than week to week basic expenses.
I am also wondering if your own parents are not in a position to help much with your school fees.
If you are looking forward to building a career after you finish school then you will be able to build some reserves of your own. And that will ease the pressure on you financially.
But money, income, finances and budgets, saving for the future looks to be looming as a pressure point in the future. Your, his, and the two of you together in the future.
Some people hate discussing money and sometimes the issue is because it is because it bothers them to have to reveal that the cupbard is bare and their finances limp from week to week, due to lack of income, too many outgoings, and no budget to speak of and no savings.
Or worse than that are those few who cannot control their gambling
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 June 2015):
 Seeing that you posted about this already, that means , I guess, that you are on of those posters who keep reposting until they get the answer THEY wanted all along.
Sure, if you keep asking, maybe sooner or later you'll find someone who'll answer : oh absolutely, men should always give money to their Gfs , or, men should put their girlfriend's needs before their own daughters' .
Waiting for that to happen, though, I'll just reiterate my previous answer : you should not even ASK.
Obviously , his daughter's needs come before yours, and his daughter's school fees come before yours ! What did you expect , if he is a just barely decent person ??
And, he is right, you are not married, and ,excepting the occasional present , he is not supposed to shell out money for your upkeep or studies. It's YOU who have to learn to live within your means and budget.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2015): This man will always put his child ahead of you and he is a good father for doing that. Apparently he is not financially successful enough to help you as well. Even if you marry him and have a child with him, the other child will probably still come first. You need to support yourself and look for someone who will put your first and who is in a position to help you financially if you need that.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (5 June 2015):
I'm guessing this is also you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-wants-to-be-friends-and-he-wants.html
I'm going to reiterate the advice I gave then. Your boyfriend's daughter must come first and he doesn't owe you any financial assistance. How much money he is willing to spend on you is not an indicator of how much he loves you, and I think you're being unfair to be testing him in this way. If you can't afford to study on your own, then you shouldn't be doing it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 June 2015):
 I have to agree with CMMP
He doesn't OWE you to pay for your bills. Of course his daughter school fees are MORE important. YOU can EARN a living and pay for your school fees.. his daughter CAN'T.
Love has nothing to do with WHAT or how MUCH he is willing to pay for you.
Does he show love in other ways? Does he treat you well? Does he listen to you, talk to you, spend time with you?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 June 2015):
 Basically what you are saying is that the only way you can tell if your boyfriend loves you is if he gives you money?
If he gave you an engagement ring would you know he loves you?
Perhaps you need to define for yourself how you define love.
check out http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ take the test to determine how you define love. IF you can get your boyfriend to do it then do so. Figure out how he defines love and then you can determine if he loves you.
My husband does not use words to define love. I used to. He uses "acts of service" to define love, so that by the time he actually said "I love you" (at our wedding) I knew that how he behaves towards me and for me is how he says he loves me and that he loves me more than anyone.
But that's not really what you are asking. You asked for help. I am going to bet the farm that the help you want is for us to tell you how to get your bf to pay your bills. I doubt anyone here will do that.
If you cannot meet your expenses then it's incumbent on you to a. find another job AND b. cut back on your spending.
if neither of those are options, then I suggest you ask family for a loan vs asking your bf for a loan.
He is correct your expenses are yours not his. AND I suggest that should you consider marrying him the two of you sit down and CLEARLY define how you both view and handle money.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 June 2015):
He's not your sugar daddy, so while I understand you wanting him to support you, it has nothing to do with love. He's got his bills, you have yours.
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