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female
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anonymous
writes:Been seeing my boyfriend a year and wanna say i love you, but he has said to me in the past he thinks the words are overused. Now I don't know if I should say it. When is the best time to say something like that? I'm finding it a big deal because I've never said it to someone before.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): The phrase I love you could never be overused. What he is really saying is that he has been hurt, betrayed and does not feel safe to utter the words let alone believe in them as he is protecting himself from further pain.
Trust in your heart, if it tells you, you feel compelled to say it-say it.
Saying I love you is about giving and not about expecting it back.
Dude could also be saying, I may feel it but won't say it for fear of jinxing our relationship or I may never feel worthy of someone's love let alone reciprocate.
Patience and love will help him feel safe and have the courage to love completely without fear.
Best Wishes.
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 I think the truth is he's afraid that you really mean it, and may be getting a little commitment phobic...
Dv1
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female
reader, Manya +, writes (4 June 2007):
Although it was good to read Childof1981"s answer, I think i would go with what the other Aunts have said, and tell him that you love him.I like Stina's idea of leading up to it with telling him how you feel, would add that depending on what he's like, and what you're like as a couple, you should figure out the best way. Don't hold back the words if they are bursting from your heart!!In my experience, guys don't like to have these precious words repeated over and over again, but to say it once would be MARVELOUS. He didn't say they should be NEVER used, but rather not OVERused. Best of luck 'n LOVE! MANYA
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 You trust him right?
If you love him and trust him, then tell him.
I know... not as simple as that!
But, I suggest that you sit him down, maybe after a romantic date and say " I'm not asking you to say it back, and I know that you may not believe me, but my heart is screaming out for me to say it... I love you" Maybe something like that?
Maybe write him a letter?
Maybe write it in candles outside? I dunno! I suppose that's for the extreme, but you could!... Just make sure you don't burn anything!
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female
reader, stina +, writes (4 June 2007):
 If you really want to tell him that you are in love with him, I would not just straight out tell him "I love you." I would tell him how he makes you feel, particular things he does that you think are cute, how he treats you, why you want to treat him so well, etc - and then at the end of what you say, I would say "I love you." You might also consider writing him a love letter and ending it with those words, as well.
If he doesn't tell you that he loves you back, it will be disappointing, but the fact is that you wanted to let him know your feelings, right? You didn't tell him *because* you wanted to hear him say it back. You told him because that's how you feel about him and you wanted him to know how important he is to you.
When I told my boyfriend (now husband) that I loved him, he didn't tell me that he loved me back until months later. Sure, it bothered me to an extent - but I'm glad that he was honest and I was happy that I felt comfortable enough to tell him. And I was happy that he knew how I felt. Maybe you are/would be the same way?
Take care.
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male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (4 June 2007):
 You don't for the time being. I am like this guy in that I feel you can't really say you love somebody until you have known them for several years about 3 to 5. I know it probably burns to not say "I love you" to him, but thats exactly the reason he does not want it said to him.
Love is whats left when the passion fades, the fireworks are over, and you are left with two people that deeply care about each other. So tell him that you care about him a lot, and emphasize the good things you like about him. Also, keep in mind that they day he tells you he loves you he will mean it completly. (Would you rather be a poster here saying "He told me he loved me and then had sex with her!")
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