A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that my boyfriend of seven years has been sleeping with his ex-wife. He says that it was the only way to get her to act right, meaning seeing his children and lowering child support. He actually wants me to accept her and the children spending the weekends in our home, while, I go to my moms house for the weekend. I love him but I can not accept this type of behavior. He thinks that I am not being understanding and that this is what he has to do, even though he say he loves me and does not have feelings for her. Should I just leave him?He seems confused, but he says that he is not. He also says that it is not cheating because it is his ex-wife.
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ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Dear Poster
Please forgive me if I sound harsh; I am not trying to judge you or upset you; I am merely trying to help you to the best of my ability , with the information available.
You need to get out; this man is using you. Go stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself; put your arms around yourself and hug yourself; tell yourself that you love yourself.
This man is taking advantage of you; you are busy giving your power and your self respect to him; STOP, yes indeed, STOP immediately.
You don't have to leave the house for his ex; you don't have to tolerate his excuses of child support; you are not ignorant,you are an intelligent person; you know that those excuses are NOT ACCEPTABLE; you must stop accepting his excuses; you must stop JUSTIFYING his behavior; you need to think about YOURSELF; your FUTURE;
Do you really think you want to live your life like this?
Can you honestly see yourself growing old with this man?
I doubt!
Then dear Poster; I suggest you take a good look at what you want from a man and from a relationship; I am sure you want more then what this guy is offering you; so? You know what to do about this guy, don't you?
There is a new life with lots of guys and great opportunities waiting for you; why are you clinging to this guy that is hurting you; humiliating you?
Do what you have to do! Good luck and keep us posted.
Oh, always remember to keep SMILING. (Ha, even when you hand him over to the ex, because you deserve better, you don't SHARE) lol
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): You bf is a bona fide nutjob! Sheesh...are you saying he was 'boinking' the ex wife to just to get a break on the child support and to see the kids? What a flimsy excuse and does he actually think you will sit there and believe this BS? If he has bio kids with her, he is the father..he has the legal right to see them so if she's using her kids as a pawn to keep him from them, she's breaking the law.. He should be seeing a lawyer, not being her lover boy.
Cheating is so self-involved and this is not love..you have to see that. He has a huge lapse of character based on his own weakness and selfishness. Don't takethe crap he's throwing at you...drop him. I would also have to state, without a doubt....most self-respecting women out there, would never, ever stand for such disrespect and unloving treatment from their husbands. I wouldn't blame you one bit, if you showed him the door and kicked his butt to the curb! Good luck and be strong...you'll need it when dealing with loser!
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A
female
reader, Tamy  +, writes (24 October 2008):
I think you've got get out ...fast! Imagine what it would be like in 5 - ten years time. And if you were to have kids with him....
I think if you stay and accept it it will destroy your self worth, well it would mine.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Drop this loser. If he wants her so much, he should remarry her. Cheating is cheating.
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A
female
reader, Mummy to be  +, writes (24 October 2008):
 I'll start by sending my sympathy for the situation you are in. I know from experience exactly what you're going through. I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years was seeing his ex behind my back and he used the exact same excuse, the fact that it was the only way he could keep her civil about access to his son. I don't know to this day if that was the case but i am pregnant with his baby (he left me for another woman)and i have to say no matter how much i still love him i would never let him sleep with me and let him go home and carry on with his life with his new bit of fluff. She and my ex's ex must be mad.
But you have a chance to get out of this sham of a relationship, sorry to be blunt, and start living a normal life. Think about your own needs and this can't be healthy for anyone, the stress when you think about it must drive you mad. The fact that your partner thinks it's ok for you to leave your home on a weekend while he has his ex live there. Despicable!
It's always hard to end a relationship but i think in this case it is definatley for the best. Good luck, love mummy to be xx
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (24 October 2008):
 I totally agree with the other advice you have been given I have to say.
Talk about have your cake and eat it. He has two women in his bed and he is loving it.
God once a cheater always a cheater I am afraid to say, I wouldn't trust him no further than I could throw him.
Do not put up with this behaviour, why do the kids and his ex wife have to come to where you live with him, if he wants to see the kids then just let the kids come over not his wife. The normal father who wants access to his children will move mountains to see them and agree on alternate weekends when he has them at his place to sleep over, NEVER NEVER would it be to include the ex as well.
Just because he was once married to his ex wife does not say Oh it's OK we used to share a bed and now it is an ex wife with sexual perks plus a girlfriend who agrees to move out so I can have the bed for the ex wife. Whattttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!
Kick him to the kerb sweetheart and tell him that you would never make him choose between you or his children as that would never be fair, but if you are his girlfriend then you remain just that and he has no contact with the ex wife apart from picking up or dropping off his kids.
However, if he has already admitted to sleeping with his ex wife then leave them to it as why should he come from sleeping with her and then go back to you.
You are worth so much more than what this man is giving you, you deserve a man who will put you first regardless of whether he has been married before and has children.
You are right you are not being unreasonable he thinks that by talking you round you are going to let him get away with it, stop it now and tell him NO WAY, you cheating b*****d!!!
You have your whole life ahead of you and why did his marriage fail in the first place, was he being unfaithful to her? She is also the mug to let him get away with it, but she is also in a sense as bad as him if she is using her kids to get what she wants. Sad really.
Keep us posted and stay strong OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Cheating is cheating!!! And hat was a lame excuse he used.."oh well she wouldn't let me see the kids so I slept with her"...what a load of crap..and then making you leave while they are at your house as a family..and trust me they will be sleeping together while you are gone...please leave this asshole...he isn't worth any second.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Sounds to me like he still loves her if she wasnt letting him see his children he could just take her to court. Not having her staying over with the kids, Sound like hes got you both on a string.
Why do you have to leave if he had nothing to hide he wouldnt make you leave while he has her around, Talk to him about this and if things don't change do what you thinks right.
Good luck. x
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