A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has been sending texts to his "friend" at work that says things like - only if you caddy for me while topless and nice ass! He says that she is just a friend and that he's sorry and didn't mean to disrespect me, but what should I think?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Tell Him. Tell him what you have just told us, tell him how it makes you feel to never have him compliment you or make you feel attractive and how you feel knowing he is the complete opposite with a work friend who you have never met.
He needs to know how demeaning it is for you. He needs to know that you deserve to be told you are loved and lovely. He needs to let you know that YOU are the number one person in his life.
I hope you can both work your way through this, it sounds like the marriage can still be okay, but if I were you I would somehow get to meet the work "friend", maybe invite her and her partner around for a weekend BBQ or something. Invite her into your territory so she can see he is already a taken man.
Good luck with it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice. I keep believing him when he says that he's so sorry and he never meant to hurt me. He said that he never thought about how it would hurt me and he hates to see me cry.
The sad thing is, that he never makes me feel attractive, yet he's doing it with his work friend that I don't even know or haven't even met.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Now, every guy fantasizes about nearly every good looking girl he sees, but if this girl isn't a lifelong friend, that guy has given some serious thought about taking that "friend" in a far different direction (If he hasn't already).
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Texts of that nature don't usually take place between people that are just friends with no interest in one another. He's definitely interested in her, and being a married man, has no business acting that way towards anyone other than you.
He may not have meant to disrespect you, but he did. I'm guessing he didn't think of it as being disrespectful while it was taking place, and now feels sorry he was caught because to him, it was harmless fun. The best thing to do is talk to him about it calmly, and let him know this sort of behaviour won't be tolerated if it continues.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (28 September 2010):
Have you met his "friend"? Dont husbands and wives usually meet their spouse's friends?
This aint no friend and he is acting very inappropriately. Keep an eye on him, and his 'friend'. You may need to spell out to him what is acceptable and what isnt, sometimes partners, both men and women, are just blind to the facts.
If he still tries to make excuses start protecting yourself and your family's assets.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Yeah!! Thats nonsense...the fact he wont admit he's attracted to her and says shes just a friend is a clear indication of dishonesty. Sit, talk, sort it out, and perhaps compromise with him about boundaries. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 KICK HIS ASS!!!
No shit, Hun. You need to have a big old fight about this. He is wrong. No kidding. Swearing and all.
Texting with sexual innuendos is WAY off the normal range of what a husband should be doing. These kind of texts are open flirting and that's what sparks intimacy, attraction and DATING. WTF! Dating is for single men.
You need to kick his sorry behind. Sometimes wives need to tell their husband s when they are doing things that are morally wrong. Sorry ain't good enough.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 He should have known that such things would have been disrespectful anyway. I would not believe him when he says "I didn't mean to disrespect you". It sounds more like a pathetic lie. Those are not the sort of things I would text to my friends unless they know it is a joke but then again, "nice ass" seems rather sordid even for a joke. I know this may be painful but the truth is you cannot trust him.
I hope that helps.
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