A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I handle the fact of the man I have loved for 14 years wants to leave because of some things I did over 10 years ago. Even after him telling me that he love me and we were going to get through this together. Now it's I am inconsiderate, I don't communicate, I am not understanding and I am impatient with him.. I am really confused because one min he loves me and he can't stop living me. The next is out sex life is in satisfying but we got two kids together. His reason is because of a guy I had sex with multiple times that's been dead for over ten years now and this guy was well in doubt. So now my insides feel the same way it did then.. I am really in a state of shock. I am confused, I don't want to jump to conclusions. I want to be sure that my mind is telling me the right thing to do. So viewers out there do you guys think I should follow my heart which is telling me to fight or my mind which is telling me to walk away... I really don't know how to handle my emotions right now!!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2012):
 So he has know for 5 years, if I get this right and NOW he has decided he can't stay because of it?
I would have to say there is something else going on. Unless he has been mulling over it for 5 years.
There is more to the story then he is telling. I'm willing to bet you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo he found out in 2007. I came to realization to tell him about everything I have ever done in this relationship and all of the things I have ever did sexually even when I wasn't with him. He ask about penis sizes and ppl names and I gave him the honest to G truth... I really got tired of be untruthful and unfaithful to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2012):
Did he recently find out about the cheating? Or has he know the last 10 years that you cheated on him? I'm confused.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
 When did he find out about the affair?
If it was recently, can you blame him for being upset? It's all new and none of it's good, really, is it?
If it's been 10 years and he can't move on, perhaps you will need to do the moving on for him?
AT this point, what is best for the kids? Maybe that will help focus the question?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been in a relationship with him for 14yrs I cheated on him over 10 years ago... Did I clarify well enough for you. Sorry about the main question.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 May 2012):
Sorry, could you please clarify. Did you cheat on him 10 years ago, or were you not in a relationship with him at the time? The question as you posed it is a bit difficult to understand. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 I don't think he woke up one morning and then decided he had to go back ten years and dig up past sins and punish you. It's possible that he never got over your cheating and is suffering inside, at the same time feeling stupid that it was 10 years ago. He loved you too much so he continued this relationship with you but he lost his battle to his obsessive mind. He feels that if he couldn't get over it in 10 years then he never would in his life. It would have been fairer if he let you go without marrying you but people stay to try to forgive and forget because for them, to give up is weak, to persevere is strong. At the end both of you are hurting more because you invested too much in this, with kids already. He is trying to see what is fair in his life. I wouldn't fight for it. Rather than following your head and mind, I would stop at a fork road and wait. I would consult a lawyer just to see his advice and your options about your children. I would focus my time with my children. When you make your children happy you feel better too.
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