A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How do i deal with a fiancé who just wants to ignore problems and never talk about anything? My boyfriend and i just recently got engaged and for about the last month i've felt ignored. I've tried talking to him about it but whenever i bring it up he says i'm being stupid making a big deal out of nothing, and says hes ignoring it. Hello? How do i deal with this??.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 June 2015):
 Make him an ex-fiancee! Is he the guy who is hooked on a video game and likes getting high? The one who called you high maintenance?
If he is, girl, lose him like TODAY. He's a waste of your time and attention and energy. Seriously. Break up, give the ring back, whatever.
You would be absolutely out of your mind to continue to date this person, let alone MARRY the dude.
You deal with it by making him the EX and moving on to find the guy who does care about your feelings and wants to be with you.
Come on, you can do so so much better than this guy.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2015):
 Give him the ring back. I absolutely agree wit that advice. NEITHER of you are ready for marriage or mature enough for the commitment and work it requires.
If you are in the 18-21 age range WHAT is the hurry to marry? Specially a guy who doesn't SEE you as a priority in his life.
How is it OK for a partner to call the other one stupid? To not validate your concerns? To disrespect them? (name calling is disrespect). WHY on EARTH would you want to marry him? Why "sell" yourself short?
MARRIAGE doesn't make everything OK. A ring on your finger doesn't CHANGE who he is and how he acts, how he treats you. In fact if you ALLOW him to treat you this way - (and I mean ALLOW by going forward with the engagement and marriage) he will ONLY see that as YOU being OK with the disrespect, the disregard and dismissal of YOUR feelings, and it WILL escalate.
Don't be so desperate for a wedding or marriage that you are willing to SETTLE for a guy who REALLY doesn't WANT the same things. In my honest opinion THIS is exactly why divorce rates are so high. People presume that being married fixes everything, when it doesn't. If there are problems in the relationship they NEED to be resolved before marriage, in order to BE resolved they NEED to be discussed, NOT dismissed.
Auntie So_Very_Confused uses the expression - "STOP rowing the relationship boat". Which means YOU for a while pull back, you STOP being the ONLY one to make efforts to make things work, to spend time together, talk, see each other, go out together... IF HE notices and starts doing HIS part and step up, then MAYBE you two have a chance, if he ignores it (like he does other issues) - then at least you will KNOW that marriage is NOT a good idea.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2015): "How do i deal with this??."
By making him your ex-fiance.
You do not want to marry a guy who is disrespectful of you that he responds to your concerns by belittling you and calling you names.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (12 June 2015):
 I wouldn't recommend marrying a man that calls you stupid, ignores you and doesn't want to discuss problems. Its setting up the marriage to fail. Try talking to him one last time and explain your feelings and concerns. If he refuses to talk, I'd give the ring back. This isn't a man that you want to spend your life with. Communication is a MUST in a relationship! Calling your SO stupid is disrespectful and heading down a path that you don't want to go. It starts out being called stupid and slowly leads to other names...never let a person disrespect you.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (12 June 2015):
By giving the ring back.
Seriously. If he's too withdrawn and unresponsive to engage with your emotional well being now, that's not going to improve when you exchange vows.
If he told you you're being stupid because you feel ignored, and then told you he's going to ignore that - he's maneuvering you in to a place of emotional subjugation. This is the beginning of a very painful pattern of emotional abuse. He may not even know he's doing it, but that's the ONLY place this can go.
Cut him loose. If he learns from this, and becomes more attentive, it's possible the two of you can get back together, but not until he really and truly learns that you are a whole person, worthy of his respect and consideration.
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