Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gypsii  +, writes (28 November 2008):
Here's the way that I see it:
In his thinking you're blowing this situation out of proportion. He doesn't realize that when you're rehashing and discussing with him the details about what happened, you're simply trying to help him understand that you literally felt disrespected and marginalized and were not overreacting.
Like most men, feeling embarrassed or humiliated are emotions that they seldom acknowledge experiencing, so it's easy for them to attribute them to "silly" female behavior. However, if you change your language he's more likely to listen. For example: Instead of trying to get him to the state of recognizing and acknowledging your feelings, simply state directly to him that you will not tolerate him being disrespectful. When he plays the "you're silly" game, then you play back by saying "..and you're changing."
Leave it at that. Let him know in that way that you're on to the fact that he's changing and then get quiet. Your silence will say more than anything. I wouldn't text him nor call...let him make the next move. What you need from him is his undivided attention. However, as long as you're, in their words, "nagging" him it's only going to push him further away. There are times when silence can be golden.
In the future, if someone is trying to get his attention, I wouldn't intervene. Just let him handle it and you ignore it.
A
female
reader, Flower81  +, writes (26 November 2008):
Flower81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasnt sure where to write a new question so i added it on an old one of mine sorry.
Hello everyone. I need advice. TO give you a brief overview. Im married to J for 4 yrs now and been together for a totalof 10 yrs.
We are good together. He is my best friend and we love to hang out together. However im feeling that in the bedroom department things are diminishing.
We havnt had sex for 15 days. Ok 5 of those days i had my period but its like we both dont make an effort anymore.
I dont want sex to be a routine.
I want excitment back.
Any tips ideas?
Also i dont get so horny anymore :(
Is something wrong with me?
Also (sorry forgot to add) - his father is a nice man but he is so placid and like emotionless. After work he sits on sofa and dont move or talk. Im scared my husband will take after him and sometimes i see a resemblence..
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A
female
reader, Flower81 +, writes (14 November 2008):
Flower81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEverything is all fineThanks alot xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): both of you are getting bogged down in arguments which means there is 'resentment' there is something else that's causing problems but you are pressing his buttons. I would let it lie for a couple of days and say 'i'm not in the mood to deal with this right now - I do love you and I want to work this out - can we not discuss it for a few days.' if after a while to cool down he is not genuinely contrite I would be worried.
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A
female
reader, helpjayne  +, writes (13 November 2008):
 i havnt masterd watever yet thats all i ever get aswell just ignore him for a bit relax read take a bath but don't obsess cause if you do it will go round and round your head so much when he comes home you'l blurt something out and a huge fight will errupt text him saying see you later and just relax until he gets home then talk hes obviously took some notice but he's too stuborn to say ok i'm sorry it won't happen again so be all calm and relaxed when he comes in and just say i want you to accept that you were out of order and you won't embarass me again like that and then we can move on.
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A
female
reader, Flower81 +, writes (13 November 2008):
Flower81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe msgd me back saying - what ever!
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A
female
reader, Flower81 +, writes (13 November 2008):
Flower81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont understand him...
i sent a msg saying :-
i caused no atmosphere. I was not moody in garden. you call me silly only coz you want me to shut up. Just dont ever do it again. I dont like to be patronized. u were out of order. ur not a prick but u acted like one yesterday.
His response :-
What ever!
Can someone help me lol...
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A
female
reader, Flower81 +, writes (13 November 2008):
Flower81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes thats true.. i still said i caused an atmosphere which i damn well didnt.. but i know my husband he is very proud and stubborn and hardly takes any fault.. but i accept this apology.
I my frist msg i did say - dont bother comin home if u cant apology..
guess that was a good tactic..
Thanks all xx
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A
female
reader, helpjayne +, writes (13 November 2008):
haha well atleast he said sorry i think now he understands why you were feeling so bad about this, haha maybe now you two can spend a nice evening making up. i think he was probably just confused most men are not quite as deep as women. you and him have a little talk about it when he gets in and then have an early night will do you the world of good!
xx
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A
female
reader, Flower81 +, writes (13 November 2008):
Flower81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis was his reply on text message :-
Im sorry that you took such an offence for wat what i said. i was joking and you made the atmosphere then you try to talk nice to me and look at photos after being moody with me in the garden.
I dont understand!
I replied :-
it was a rude comment.ur voice wasnt in a jokin tone at all.dats how i felt.it was uncalled 4 & rude james.i didnt make an atmosphere at all.as i spent half d time wi b lookin at baby clothes.i tried 2show u a pic of me when i was 8yr old.it was class pic.i did it 2break d ice,but again u rejected me,it was dat,dat caused d atmospher coz jerry was der,he moved so u sit near & u refused dat aswell & said i cant c anythin.which was hurtful as i was tryin 2make an effort.
It has happened but not very often. infact i hardly remember.
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A
female
reader, helpjayne +, writes (13 November 2008):
he's callling you silly to shut u up, have it out with him tell him you need a serious conversation and tell him to stop patronising you. some guys just arent open though and it will forever be like talking to a brick wall you can either forget about it and carry on all smiles which i personally couldnt do or you can say i want a mature conversation with you this needs sorting out. if you let him get a way with it chances are he'l do it again. if he calls you silly say i'm obviously too silly to be with such a mature person like yourself then and walk away he'l come chasing you back but i think you could benefit from a little you time. stand up for yourself let him know he was out of order sit down and calmly talk to him.
x
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A
female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (13 November 2008):
 I don't think something like that would be enough to end a 9 yr relationship. Sometimes when you're living with someone it gets irritating because they are all you see and you get a little snappy sometimes maybe because you're in need of a break.
Having said that there's no arguing that he was a jerk and he needs to fix it. He should of apologized right there but since he did not, you need to talk to him when he gets home, and no yelling. Yelling at him will start another argument and make things so much worse. Just calmly talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he loves you he'll listen.
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A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo +, writes (13 November 2008):
 If you've been with him for 9 years and hes never acted like this before then he may be unhappy with something in his life, not neccesarily you but maybe he is stressed because of work or something. Ask him if there is something on his mind maybe?
Another thing to keep in mind is that you might only be seeing one side of the story. Whenever I have fallen out with my friends it has been due to a misunderstanding of events. For example me and a good friend fell out once and went to a mutual friend to ask for advice. When I spoke to him he told me that my friend had given a completely different version of events! Sometimes I think we like to presume we are correct when really we are being quite one-sided. I am not implying that you are being one sided but its worth taking into consideration that maybe he thought you were being rude.
Apart from that he may just be in a mood. It happens! See how he is tonight and maybe confront him about it (carefully, try not to make it turn into an argument) and see what he has to say!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): Talk, Talk and talk. Your not being silly at all. Its your man. I got the impression he was showing off infront of friends. I know 9years is a long time but you dont deserve to be treated with such disrespect. when you next see him tell him he was out of line and ask what was the reason? if he speaks to you like a adult then sort it .. if not ditch him good luck x
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A
female
reader, Flower81 +, writes (13 November 2008):
Flower81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your prompt reply.
He is very stubborn and proud. If i told him to apologise to our friends he would have embarresed me even more.
(god he sounds like an awful person). he has his faults. Like we all do i suppose.
He can sweet, caring, does things in our house, he is very trust worthy. BUT he can never say sorry. Usually actions and not words.
Yesterday he truly upset me. With his ignoring me comment and then i said he hurt me and he says im being silly. Im sick and tired of being told im being silly. if i had to speak to him tonight thats all ill get im being silly or ill be like talkin to a brick wall.
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A
female
reader, helpjayne +, writes (13 November 2008):
to be honest your man was just plain rude to your friends you did have the right to say something to him and then to humiliate you infront of them and make a joke about ignoring you was pretty bad of him. your not being silly but perhaps you and him could do with space for one day. it sounds to me like you both get really anoyed at eachother but i don't think your overreacting if my man was ever that rude to my friends id force him to apologise to them. just sit down with him and tell him to listen to you and then get him to tell you what his problems are and both come up with ways you can fix them.
he's a man he's stubborn but he'l come home in the end i don't think one fight is worth throwing 9 years away.
goodluck
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A
female
reader, Flower81 +, writes (13 November 2008):
Flower81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am new here. Any help / advice would be truly appreciated.
Thank you
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