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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: He is convinced I've cheated on him. But let me be totally honest here: I HAVEN'T!I can understand why he doesn't trust me. I lied, I admit that. I lied about my past because it didn't make me proud and because I knew he'd react awfully to it. Just the way he did. I lied, but I came clean. And he became terribly judgmental. But he promised me he'd change and that he loved me more than that. Who was the liar? Apparently him!Now he left me, although I'm almost 99% sure he'll come back. It's not the first time he dumped me over this.Well, back to the problem. I lied about my past, it included some guys that he knows, although everything that happened with them, happened before I met him. I guess it's a small town anyway. I never had sex, I was a virgin when we started dating. I had had sexual contact though. With a friend with benefits. He had felt me up and I gave him oral sex for like 10 seconds (to give him credit, no he didn't cum, we were just scared we'd get caught). I also made out with two guys at two different parties while I was drunk. Oh, and then there was this older friend of mine who had a crush on me, and when he told me, he forced a peck on me. And then my ex fwb also forced a peck on me. All of this happened prior to dating my boyfriend.I've never cheated, and I'd never cheat. I truly love him, even though I lied. But he is convinced that I've cheated on him, because he says that if I was easy in the past, and that if I lied, then I must be a cheater. He also told me I have no dignity nor self respect, because I kept talking to both guys who forced kisses on me. I told him that he had a double standard, because he kept talking to the ex who cheated on him. he said it was different because she looked for him, he didn't. And that I have no self respect, because I looked for them.What can I do? I haven't cheated, and I know I've changed. I feel that I do have self-respect and dignity. I understand he doesn't trust me, but just because I lied doesn't make me a cheater. It's different to lie about your past, than go after someone in the present to cheat on your partner. But he just won't see the difference.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Justmealone  +, writes (4 June 2008):
So he's punishing you for having a past? Tell him that he's part of your past now and kick him to the curb ! You don't need this bull crap and it's none of his business what you did and whom you did it with, or two, before he came walking into your life, just as it's none of yours what he did. So since he can't get over your past, it times for you to move into the futher and put him behind you, where he's at anyway- in your past.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Hi ,
One thing you know is for certain - he will come back. You know why? Who on earth would have him apart from you. Who wants a guy who expects to be dating the Virgin Mary to be constantly on their back about their so called loose values. Good grief
The best thing to do is keep as far away from this guy as you can. He already has you thinking that all this is down to you and your promiscuousness.
That is Bull S. Do me a favour and read other posts from girls like yourself on this site. They look like they are written from the same person, the boyfriends are these pathetic whiny insecure little creeps who take out their emotional stuntedness on their loving partners - who for the most part let them.
You have to understand that for the most part these type of men/boys are destructive to people and relationships. Everything revolves around their own selfish interests and insecurities and they drag vulnerable people into their nightmare little worlds. It is a form of control, he reminds you how unworthy you are of him while giving you a little bit of hope that if you are you might just be able to make the grade and be his possession.
Show some courage , when he comes back tell him that you want to meet someone who will respect you not blame you for all his problems.
You are still very young, honestly mate, this is not what the dating game is all about, its fun and you meet lots of wonderful people .
You have just picked the wrong apple from the barrel. Reach in and get another one.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 June 2008):
 How does his past look? Yours does not look bad at all. You were a virgin when you met him, and the little bit of fooling around is not at all his business. It's nothing to be ashamed of and does not at all take away from your sense of self.
Why is his self esteem less than what it should be. I understand being cheated on, can cause beliefs that what happened before will happen again.
I'm worried about you, with his leaving you over and over again over the same issue. This issue is no longer with you, it's with him. If he doesn't change his direction in being with you, it's my belief you won't find a stable relationship with this person. You can't force that change, he has to want it. You also don't deserve to be accused for whatever he decides too at the moment.
Take care.
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