A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone i was just wondering what to do about this situation. i met a man at the beggining of the year, i really like him he has been very hurt before and says he,s not ready for another relationship yet. should i wait for him until he is ready and do you think this is the real reason or do you think he is just using it as a excuse? thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): He's not ready for a relationship = don't fuck him.
You can be friends with him, go on dates with him, talk to him about deep stuff, etc. But don't fuck him if he won't call you his GF.
It's that easy.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 I agree with CindyCares.
do not wait for him...
any time someone gives you a 'generic' excuse for why they can't be in a relationship they are leaving off the "with you" part. it's to be kind.
do not wait....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): I actually agree with Cindycares, i mean if he was intersted in you but just doesn't want to rush things then he would say just that..
We need a little more background to get the whole picture though.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 No, don't wait.
The " I am not ready for a relationship " is the oldest excuse ever, some times it's not even an excuse, they are in good faith and they believe it.
But in practice it always translates in " I am not ready for a relationship WITH YOU ", if he finds someone whom he really really likes, as opposed to just a bit, you'll see he'd become magically ready ,regardless of his past relationship woes.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 July 2011):
 I think we need a little more information here.
The big question is, you met him, but have you had sex with him? That changes everything about your question.
If you simply met him and was interested in him, yet he made no moves and told you that he's not ready for a relationship, he could be telling the truth. It could also mean that he's not interested in you, yet doesn't want to directly hurt your feelings.
However, if you and he have gotten physical, then his desire not to have a relationship simply means that he viewed you as sex material and not relationship material. The business of being hurt and not being ready was all a smokescreen for "I want to be single and engage in no-strings-attached sex".
Either way, the answer to your other question is the same.
Do not wait for him. Don't second-guess his answer. If he changes his mind and you're still available, he'll let you know. Until then, do not pine for him or hold out any sort of hope, because you will be disappointed.
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