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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing a guy for about four months, however he still lives with his ex, I wanted to wait till he moved out before we became serious, but he said he didnt want me to throw away what we had.I thought i loved him and things progressed between us. We spoke about things and we are both great friends already and we want to keep that, but he said we should be lovers as well with no strings. He said he wont be able to move out or get a divorce for another two years. He is the first man I have slept with and I feel quite cheapened by his proposition and I dont know whether to take a risk and have fun or play it safe and just be friends as I dont feel 100% percent comfortable with the idea of that kind of relationship. I dont even think i really love him...Please help..
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cheap, divorce, his ex, moved out Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): Dump him he is an idiot. He want to have his cake and eat it. if he was serious about you he would leave his wife immeadiatly.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 You already feel cheapened by his proposition, think how cheap you'll fee down the line say a year from now. You have a right to the number one position not the sloppy seconds. Hold your head up, take a deep breath and walk away. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): hell no!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2006): He's getting his cake and eating it too. If he is lying to her, he is going to lie to you. You may love him, but love can be wrong, which in this case it is! You should feel insulted that a married man is pursuing you! And that is crap that he can't get a divorce for another two years. Dump him because you deserve better. I made the same mistake, when really I was the other girl and found out later (I thought they were broken up). I was made a fool, and he was my first so it was hard to let go of the mess I had gotten myself into. GET OUT!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2006): This man is playing you along! Still lives with his ex, huh, and can't move out for another two years? Or, as someone else has said, is it his WIFE?
You said you feel cheapened, and don't think you really love him. The answer is obvious - dump him and don't even attempt to be friends! There are much better men out there.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (24 August 2006):
It's amazing the guys you meet who claim they live with their "ex" ... I do tend to wonder if the "ex" realises that she is an "ex". Anyway, he didn't want you to throw away .. yeah right. Take the others' advice and stop sleeping with him. in fact, dump him entirely even as a friend. If he can treat you like this, he is no good for you. Sorry. There's much better out there.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 You need to insist on the kind of relationship you want. If he won't give you what you need then you shouldn't sleep with him. Whilst relationships are all about compromise, there are certain fundamentals that no one should compromise: love, respect, equality, care and affection. We are all entitled to these things.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 If you have feelings for him, you shouldn't sleep with him. If you have any self respect, you shouldn't sleep with him. If you question why he is having to stay with his so called "ex" for another 2 years, you shouldn't sleep with him. I'm sorry but this all sounds like it's designed for him to get an easy life from both of you. He's a user. This is unacceptable. Never mind his no strings offer of sex, in fact, never mind choosing between being friends or fun, he doesn't sound like he's worth either. It'd be awful for your first experience was with a man like this.
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A
male
reader, danno75420 +, writes (24 August 2006):
You answered your own question sweetie. If you don't feel 100% comfortable doing something that involves your emotional well being, don't do it! Look, if it's just sex you're looking for, it would be fine. But we all know sex can never be just sex, at least not with someone you actualy know, or care about, or plan on knowing for a while. The no strings thing works when two people go in with the same mind set from the get go. And unless you end it shortly thereafter, you run the risk of developing stronger feelings.
If you don't believe deep down that anything real WILL ever come of this, save yourself the heartache babe...
Find yourself someone good :)
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A
female
reader, layla +, writes (24 August 2006):
 As far as i have heard you will never forget the first time you sleep with some one this will always leave a special feeling inside. But here i think you two should stay freinds and further more not get involved with him. You should be angry at him even if there is a spark in which you may feel sorry for him.
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