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writes: I just broke up with my boyfriend and am in process of moving out. Movers come Wednesday. I gave up my apartment the first week in May. We never put any kind of lease in writing and he has me pay him for everything in cash so he does not have to report rental income (several thousand dollars a month). His house is much more than he can afford, he bought it with prior GF who had divorce settlement. I was very reluctant to give up my apartment but did it largely because I knew he really needed the money (far more than he could get from 2 other roomates, and prob more than he could get from 3, which would be very difficult to fit into the house). Before I gave up my apartment, I stayed with him all of the time as he could not stand for me to be away, and I contributed to utilities and bought 90% of groceries and restaurants. (However I only had my clothes and bare essentials there.) I would have preferred a little time to myself at my place but it upset him too much. He wanted rent months before my lease was up but I was firm on this due to insistence of therapist. He wanted to marry me so that the house would be safe because of my family's money and my income. I have a high income but really no savings, so paying him rent and my apt rent is going to wipe me out for at least a month. He has some money and stock, he spends a lot on an expensive hobby.Do I owe him a full months rent as "30 day notice"? For weeks I have told him I would leave if he did not stop his on-lne relationship, I sent him a last change email, he refused, I signed a lease. He doesnt even report the money I give as rental income, but I am supposed to follow all the landlord-tenant rules? I had suggested we move apart but still see each other while we work things out, he said if I moved he would never forgive me. And now he is saying he really really wont forgive me if I dont give him the months rent. (I will at very least pro-rate rent and pay any other expenses, but don't know if he is being fair or taking advantage.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): So he will never forgive you if you don't pay him 30 days rent? Let him go to hell; what do you NEED forgiveness for from a man like him?You would be making yourself short to give him money; whereas he has been piling it up.He can threaten you all he likes: you do not pay him another cent. You flatly refuse to "work out" ANYTHING with this jerk. If he tries to take you to court, you tell the court the circumstances - ugly as they may be. If he has violated the terms of his US residency and gets deported - SO BE IT. If he threatens physical violence, you call the police.He has taken you for much much more than he deserves. He is dishonest.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): He didnt love you. He was using you for money, and using his other g.f. for something else. Maybe this other woman is broke, but he likes her better? maybe he finds her more attractive. I don't know why you even did anything for him. Are you that desperate for affection that you'd willingly be used by a man for money? He is a snake & also a loser. any man who uses a woman for money is a total jackass & a loser. Stop talking to him & then claim your rent on your taxes. You have every right to claim it, you paid it! Just send him a letter before tax time & explain that you're claiming the rent you paid & tell him he better claim that he had a room mate. Don't tell him where you live though b/c he may be crazy. Stay away from him.
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Well i gotta say you're a better person than me! I would of been out that door as soon as i caught him with his gruts down! My pride wouldnt have me even trying to forgive that. Ive not been able to forgive much less so i know i couldnt!
Dont give him another dollar and be strong and stay away from him. He will drag you into the gutter eventually where you will feel like a piece of crap on the bottom of his shoe.
If he tries any funny business, screw him with the tax! I would and i wouldnt feel guilty! I would of probably done it anyway for the whole internet crap! Im a nasty cow if someone takes the piss hehe
Seriously though, good luck hun.
Onwards and upwards!
C xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI There,
Thanks for your quick response. You know how it is when you feel rotten, you can't stop thinking about all of it. Yes, he was having an online affair/cybersex with someone. He gave me the usual excuses, it's not infidelity because we never met, etc. (while he is emailing her with his pants down). He also said he could "tell her things he's never been able to tell anyone else." She's married with a kid. She lives 20 minutes away. I told him he had to knock it off or I was leaving, and then told him I'd read that to regain trust the best is to use the computer where your partner sees you aren't doing it anymore. He flipped and said I wanted to violate his privacy. And then for spite forwarded an email exchange between the 2 of them where he told her how awful I am and she backed him up and said poor baby.
5 days later he begged me not to go, said he's stop the emails and the "local girls who want sex now" website, but I signed the lease and am sleeping at my apartment on the floor. He wanted me to come to dinner last night with a couple invited before our breakup, and then tonight because his father is visiting from halfway around the world. He's told them we broke up but wants me to come to dinner??
I could get really ugly with this if he tried to go to court to get the months rent. I mean ulgy enough to ruin his life, because taxes and US residency are involved here. But I don't think I could live with myself if I did that.
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 It sounds to me like he is just using you as a cash cow and doesnt really give a hoot about YOU. He wants to marry you so that YOUR family money will protect HIS house? And he got the house with his EX's divorce settlement? And you are paying 2 to 3 times what you should? Oh girl! Get out while the gettings good and you dont owe him one cent!!
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female
reader, beautifultrustnlover +, writes (4 September 2007):
 i agree with hlskitten she said it all
but i can add that you shouldnt try to work out anything with this man he is no good and it seems as all you are is a pay check he could careless long as the bills are payed and he gets to keep hes money so leave and feel free from that and have money for your self
who cares if he doesnt forgive you? he doesnt respect you so your better off with a wet mop than that mucher
good luck girl
hes trash now can him where he should be
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 September 2007):
Hes taking the rise!
Has he been speaking to someone else on line then behind your back? I didnt quite get that bit.
If there is no tenancy agreement, i dont know how it works there but here in the Uk the law is definately more in the tenants favour. My ex rented rooms out and 2 of them didnt pay rent for months and stayed well past their eviction notice time and there was nothing my ex could do, and he eventually got them out but STILL had to pay their deposits back or they wouldnt go! And taking them to court was going to take too long and would of cost.
If your bloke is taking rent off you on the sly, there is no way you should be obliged to give him a penny! He hasnt got a leg to stand on in the eyes of the law i bet? And i certainly wouldnt give him a bean if hes been messing around behind your back! No chance! And hes using you for money anyway the cheeky get!
Get the hell outta there and stick 2 fingers up to him and let him sort himself out for once.
Good luck.
Let us know how it goes.
C xxxxx
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