A
female
age
41-50,
*cared to love
writes:I have been with this man for 14 years now, we have a 9 year old son. We have had our ups and downs, but have remained strong. I have had a problem feeling insecure due to a weight gain. I never wanted to go anywhere because I felt that I was so fat and he is so physically fit. I shy away from sex because I am embarrassed. He never put me down about my weight only encouraged me to work out. Lately it's becoming a problem that we don't spend time together..he says when he goes out he's always by himself. He says he wants his old girl back. He says I have become comfortable and he thinks that we have grown apart..that we are living in the house like roommates.He says he wants to get married, but he doesn't want a boring life. He love life and wants a partner that enjoys life. He says he is unhappy and wants to leave.He says that we have changed, have grown apart. We don't have anything in common anymore. I honestly don't see it but I know I have sheltered myself. I asked to give us a second chance, but he said he doesn't know. He says I start out good and then just go back into my shell. I honestly didn't think that me not spending time with him or going out meant that much. I though I was being good and not crowding him. I have since begun working out again and have gotten on a weight loss program...not for him..but for myself because my weight really makes me upset and makes me become antisocial. Now he sees that I am serious and trying to make an effort to get back to the happy and secure person I used to be. I am wondering now where we stand..I am scared to ask if he is still leaving for fear of hearing yes..but it is killing me not knowing where we stand. Should I just leave it alone or ask him whats up?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 February 2009):
 I'd ask him. You don't need to be waiting around and wondering what might be going on. Sometimes we make changes, or mentally withdraw due to circumstances. Many of us have experienced a person fall, and it's easier to fall than it is to get back up.
If your relationship is strong, he'll be there during this struggle. It can be difficult, but not everything in a relationship is meant to run smooth.
I hope it all works out for you. Take care.
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