A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm a female student who has yet to reach the age of 18, and I think that something may be wrong with the relationship I currently have with my male science teacher.He's almost 30 and has been married for less than a year. Although I'm reluctant to say this, I've probably had crushes on half of the male teachers who have taught me. But it never, ever lasted more than a week and was just one of those desires that quickly passed. But feelings that I've had for my science teacher have only grown stronger in the last few months.In his class, I have a 99, but I didn't earn that grade just to impress him. Science has just always come easily to me. After school, I often pay him a visit to chat, talk about assignments, help him organize his work, and get in some extra practice on the material taught. He probably asked me to come to his room about six times, but the other times I came to him. My attraction to him was partly why I wanted to see him more often, but I do sometimes stop by at my other teachers' rooms after the school day (mostly the female ones). It's just that him it's much more frequent.The thing is that we've become more friendly. I enjoy being more open with him, and that he likes me as a person and not just a student. However, I can't help but think about the possibility that our relationship will go further. We flirt on a daily basis and I am very, very sure that he finds me attractive. Constantly, he has shown signs. And at least three times a week he'll just sit and watch me when I'm in his classroom. When I see this, I smile back, and he'll follow suit. These incidents are what I enjoy most about seeing him off hours; it's an amazing feeling. But I am well aware of the consequences if he does try to pursue a relationship with me.To be honest, I probably wouldn't be able to resist the temptation if he tried something. But on the other hand, I would never want him to lose anything because of me, and I'd never ask him to sacrifice everything he has worked so hard to achieve just for me. Of course, I never have and never will tempt him. The most I've done has been reciprocating his flirting (but this does happen quite often). Also, I always smile cutely whenever he greets me.If he has to run a quick errand, then he'll always try and prolong my stay by saying things like, 'I'll be back in around 10 minutes if you're still around', and 'I really want to continue our conversation, but I understand if you mind waiting'. There seems to be a perpetually looming romantic tension in the air when we're alone. I think I may be in love - he's on my mind all the time and when I'm with him I'm at my happiest.My main question is: Is this relationship right? He's not cheating on his wife by flirting with me, but then again, he's constantly staring and giving me these dreamy looks of desire in class. I like him so much, and the after school practice/ conversations are beneficial to my education. But I'm just... confused. Not doubtful, but just trying to sort out my thoughts. Other teachers have seen us but said nothing. Is what we're doing wrong? And we have not ever gone farther than flirting.Thank you so much for reading my question, and I apologize if it was a bit too wordy.Thanks again!
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female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Hmm...first time I looked at your age. You're either 13, 14, or 15 - always a difficult age for a girl. I know at least for me it was. The hormones are running wild and you don't know what you're feeling. Oh yeah, every girl fantasizes about running her fingers through an older man's hair (teacher or not), so as long as you don't let that fantasy control you, that's fine. One thing I don't really agree with (but, if again, you can control these urges, then it's no problem) is that you're interested in the woman he married. If you're all about trying to look her up, etc. then that is the beginning of stalking and your teacher, if he would find out, would not like that at all. Again, I say be careful. A guy I was friends with in high school; met fresh. yr. and I started having serious feelings for him sr. year. I told him how I felt; he didn't feel the same way and the friendship fizzled. He is now married. At first I wanted to know everything about this woman, but then stopped myself and said "he's happy, leave him alone."BTW, since we both are going through the same thing with teachers, care to answer mine? I have other questions about him but this is the latest one:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/your-opinions-needed-here--does-he-like.htmlThanks!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you MonksdaBomb.
You're response was very comforting, and I was happy to learn that there's someone else out there who I can relate to. But the thing is that I'm underage (as you can see from the heading), and I really don't want anyone to think that my teacher is perverted or anything.
I'm really confused... I mean, it's so obvious that he likes me personality-wise, and that he finds me attractive. But the little circle of gold on his left ring finger continues to haunt me. He only wed in the summer, yet he's openly flirting with me. And what if this is all in my head? What if he thinks of me as a little sister (therefore showing me more concern) and not in the way I suspect?
Then again, the looks he gives me are not unlike those of the various boys who have had crushes on me. When I leave his classroom, there's a pure look of disappointment plastered on his face. The thought of not being able to see him 'one- on one' pains me greatly.
So I know that I have to be careful. But do you think that he and I could ever be together? I try to push the thoughts away, but sometimes I dream about experiencing more than afternoon conversations and smiling. Please don't judge me, but there are times in his room when our bodies are just an inch apart, and I'm tempted to put my hand in his - to slowly move my face closer and allow our lips to meet. Of course, I stopped myself before instinct could take over. Unfortunately gazing into his deep blue eyes and fantasizing about running my hands through his light brown hair doesn't exactly help. What should I do when I'm feeling like this?
Honestly, this is the first time that I've truly felt in love. For a person to be constantly on your mind; when you wish to learn every detail of their existence; wanting to just be with them and savoring every second you have in their presence. He is the most amazing man I have ever met, but he has a wife. Oddly enough, I am curious to know about the woman he chose to marry and care for. Is this sick? I'm ashamed of the way I feel!
Please tell me what I should do? Even now my heart yearns for him!!
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (26 February 2009):
First of all, I have to tell you I was once (and sort of still am) in your shoes. But it was an art teacher at my college (my major so I saw him often). I loved going to classes - he would flirt (IMO) with me even in class: teasing and calling me names in front of the class so I know I'd blush, smiling at me and sometimes blushing, and sometimes quickly patting me on the back when he'd walk past me. And, yes, just like you I would study or do homework in his classroom. My reason to him was it was always nice and quiet in there when in reality I just wanted to get closer to him; talk and get to know him. Frequently he'd sit next to me and we'd talk. And, yes, just like you, if he had a quick errand to do, he'd say "be back in a minute if you're still here." His flirting escalated over this past summer (I graduated three years ago) - send me a PM if you're really bored and want the details.Secondly, a couple red flags in my head about your situation:1) He's married!! This is just me but I would never, ever flirt with a married man, regardless of how cute or irresistable or how well the two of you get along. Thankfully, my teacher is not married so I don't feel that guilty about flirting back.2) You said "other teachers have seen us but have said nothing." Be very, very careful with this; don't be seen with him all the time. The teachers may be raising some eyebrows as we speak and your teacher could get into serious trouble if caught; even if it is flirting. There is no such thing as "just" flirting - I have come to realize with my teacher that what started out as fun, innocent flirting over the summer has seemed to escalate into deep feelings (at least on my end, but I'd be willing to guess he's getting some feelings for me, too).Just be careful.
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