A
female
age
36-40,
*eiLu84
writes:My boyfriend doesn't like my friends because of how they behave when they go out. For example, a friend of mine tells my boyfriend early one night that she is engaged to "john doe." Later that night she tells me, drunk and in the front of my boyfriend and my house that she made out with a friend at the bar on girls night. My friend's dig their own grave, and my boyfriend and I didn't have the easiest first 8 months together because I thought he was still seeing his ex behind my back and it caused me to feel like he wasn't being a boyfriend to me so I played it single until he figured out what he wanted. He even told me at the 8 month mark that he thought he still had feelings for her, but he wants to get mad at me for kissing a dude at the bar in between one of the times we were broken up, and writing a list on MY computer listing pros and cons for why I should be with him. This wasn't a list for his eyes, but he snooped out of not being able to trust me and now feels insecure about the list he was never supposed to see. I love him, but damn! I even got a tattoo around my ankle with both our zodiac signs... it still wasn't enough to prove my love for him cause he still doesn't trust me. He says he does, but his actions say otherwise. HELP! I've been with him for 1.5 years.
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drunk, engaged, his ex, insecure, kissing, tattoo Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (22 August 2011):
 You need to think about self-preservation on both sides of the coin. First off, make sure that you don't do the same things that can bring you down as your friends do.
More importantly, do not date a guy that cheats on you, yet doesn't trust you.
That is the worst thing you can do to yourself, aside from dating an abusive guy.
A
female
reader, marie.possa5  +, writes (4 April 2011):
Well, while you had the drug problem I had one myself with the one that used to be my bff. The difference was that she liked sleeping with different men! So even though she influenced me, I never followed her steps because it could bring me problems, specially with my boyfriend! But he still thought I was just like her! To rebuild the trust, believe me, it has been years and he don't trust me completely! He cheated on me, sooo I'm the one who don't trust him now! He denies it, though!
I understand you completely, but it may sound crazy, try to invite him or something. If your staying in a hotel, ask him to stay with you but at the night of the party try to go alone. It's going to be difficult!! But i think is the only way! or the drama will be awaiting for you hon! Been there, heard that!
I used to make excuses also! It's hard. Try to talk him into trust you. Let him know that he can call you or even visit you while you're away! That way he won't suspect!
Wish you luck! Let me know how it ends!!!
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A
female
reader, LeiLu84 +, writes (3 April 2011):
LeiLu84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. Any suggestions on how I can rebuild the trust? My boyfriend strongly dislikes one of my best friends because she was involved in cocaine abuse, and dragged me into it sometimes when I'd come over to her house. I never bought it myself, or even thought about it to become an addict. Honestly, I didn't care for the stuff. I just did it with her if I spent the night at her house. I'm 26 years old, btw. However she's getting married in Septemeber and has since stopped using cocaine. In my boyfriend's mind (about my BFF), he thinks "once a user, always a user." Which can be true, however, my dilemma is that I'm planning a bachlorette party for her in June which we will be out of town for 2 nights and returning the following day. How do I make him feel comfortable with that?! I don't want drama when I come back home, and I certainly don't want to leave my best friend high and dry on her bachlorette party. She's been there for me through a lot! That's why we remain friends, and everyone changes their ways over time. They won't always be a party animal, or into drugs. My best friend has a GREAT job that pays extremely well. that's why she gave that stuff up... it wasn't worth losing her job over. Here I go with another one of his issues with me... I make excuses for my friends, but its all true! Please help!
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (2 April 2011):
 I think you boyfriend's issue with your friends is beside the point. The real problem is a trust issue between the two of you. You started this relationship on shaky ground. He was giving you reason to believe he still have feelings for his ex and you were giving him reasons to believe you were uncertain about the relationship (the pro and con list, etc.)
If you are to stay together you have to be more honest with each other and stop playing games. If you are serious about each other you need to talk, air your grievances, and settle them. It appears that neither of you feel secure in the knowledge that you love one another. You must straighten this out, otherwise the distrust ans suspicion will continue. That's no way to live.
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A
female
reader, marie.possa5 +, writes (2 April 2011):
Girl, what can I tell you! The thing about the friends, it happened to me to. I started thinking and I realized that if the friends weren't doing any good to my life, I should cut the friendship. It hurt a lot because they were friends of mine since I was little, but in the end it was totally worth it. It also happened to me the part of the time you kissed someone in the in between. But he did not forgive me at all. I mean, we were not together and he was sleeping with another woman!! right now he asked for a break and i'm sooo hurt. I know he is cheating on me, not with one, but with 2. Why am I still with him? Because I am sooo close to get him caught! All I can say is, take it easy, you'll see everythings gonna be alright! If he loves you, he'll come around! Take care!
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