A
female
age
41-50,
*indredspirit
writes:I recently broke up with my ex two months ago because I found out he was sleeping with hookers when he was working away. He's now back at home and wants to start over again. I love him dearly but he broke my heart. He says he is still in love with me.I met a new guy two weeks ago and he is lovely but I'm still in love with my ex.Should I give my ex another chance or just be friends?
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 I agree with what the poor annonymous poster wrote who is now married and pregnant to the guy who cheated on her with hookers and girls. You will always be comparing yourself to how he did it with the prostitutes. You can't help it, and you will always wonder if they were better at sex than you and believe me, it does cut into the sexual relationship you have with your partner, and trust is the first thing that is destroyed.
It has already been destroyed by what he has done, but then you start to doubt your skills in the bedroom, etc, to the point that you try to keep them happy the whole time at the expense of your own boundaries.
I went through that with my partner and it took alot to deal with. We are now through that, afterall he was seeing prostitues 17 years ago, long before he met me, but it was finding out after we were together that threw a real spanner in the works for me. God knows why I worked it out with him, but, he really looks back on that time in his life with shame. And he really is the quiet, never get the girl type of guy, which I do know to be a fact so I can SORT of KIND of MAYBE understand why he did it, but ONLY JUST... Which is a very different situation to what you are going through currently, as your ex actually cheated on you to be with prostitutes.
If you think that you can trust him, and I'm thinking that he doesn't look like trustworthy material, bear in mind what you have read and if you can cope with your self-esteem taking a battering when you next have sex. You will always have those questions at the back of your mind, am I exciting enough...?
The other thing that occurs to me is that maybe he has heard that someone else is interested in you, and that is why he is chasing you now? I had a relationship like that and broke it off with the new guy, only to find out that my ex was just 'playing me' and didn't really want to know me once I had broken it off with the new guy. Some guys are real bastards and I worry that your ex may be one of them. Please take care beautiful one, you deserve to be loved, valued and adored. xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): Your ex wants to control you. You are in danger of losing out on a new and fulfilling relationship on the off chance your ex might change his disgusting ways. He wont change because he has no moral backbone. The truth is you will never trust him so dont put yourself through it any more. Enjoy being with a new man who has not treated you in that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): No you can't trust your ex. He has cheated on you with hookers. Whats to trust?If he really loved you, he wouldn't have been paying other women to have sex with him. He has no morals, so don't expect him to be honest about anything, including his 'love' for you. Keeping him as a friend seems strange. Friends don't behave as he has done to you. Who needs a friend who has lied, cheated on you and broken your heart? Seriously, you do not NEED a friend like that, let alone a partner. Do you!?If i were you, i would explain the situation to my new friend. Make sure he understands you have been hurt and need time to recover. If he still wants to hang out with you, that is his choice. I do understand how traumatic the death of a relationship can be. Sometimes it is so unbearable that cobbling the relationship back together seems far more desirable than leaving the person. But in this case you will just prolong your misery by having this ex in your life. He honestly doesn't deserve you. I hope you are able to move on from him because he is toxic. Still in love with you, indeed! The things some come out with! If he had ever loved you, he wouldn't have been paying other women to have sex with him. Stick to your decision and move forward not backwards x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I recently married my bf of 2 years who cheated on me with girls and hookers.. in january we said we would start out new shortly after that i got pregnant and just now i found out that he cheated on me a month before marrieng me .. and guess what i am stucked now i am pregnant in love with my baby and a husband since 2 months who lies and cheats ..stay with the guy u just met trust me the guy will never stop cheating he will tell u i love u and send u flowers and try to winn ur heart over but its all talk as soon as u walk back into the trap and he knows hes in a safe zone he will just do it again..and sex will never be as good as before cuz u will be constantly thinking about the hookers if he tried this and that with them..Men dont change if u were once not enough than u will not be now enough .. it has nothing to do with you but with their sick thoughts..
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A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Leave the ex and go for the new guy. But give yourself time to get over your ex so this guy won't be the rebound. Let the loser see what he's lost and move on. He won't change for you or anyone unless he's willing to change himself, but he won't. Move on.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Neither. Dump the cad. It's not worth your heart or your health - mentally or physically. You are not his Mom, you can't fix what's broken and you are cheating yourself of your own self worth if you waste any more time on him. Sorry to be harsh Hun, but it's time to move on.
Better to concentrate on your new interest - but take it slow enough to suss him and his intentions out - wait at LEAST two months before you decide if he is worth sleeping with. If he is interested - he'll wait.
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