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female
age
41-50,
*ngel22
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 3 months. He recently has said he needs a lot of space and time to himself. He is trying to figure out what to do. His head is all mixed up. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He says he doesn't want to break up or see other people. He does say he needs to resolve a past issue with another relationship. I don't know. I have been crying because I don;t know if this is going to be it or if I should wait for him. I want to wait for him because for me I know he is the one. 3 years is an awful long time and I am not one to just throw it under the bus. The worst is its Christmas. Don't know if we will be together by then or not.
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female
reader, Angel22 +, writes (14 December 2006):
Angel22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell im still in the same boat its been a week. We decided not to split but see each other once a week. Maybe not even that I don't know what will happen yet. But he did declare his love for me and it would break his heart to break up. I just have to get over the idea of this I have been a worrying wreck this week. Sleeping eating.. digestion all issues. I am afraid to lose him. Although everyone keeps saying this isn't it. He will probably propose when he clears his mind.
A
male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (12 December 2006):
 The agony aunts below have given you great advice. From a guys point of view it's good news, he sees a future with you and wants to sort this out before it affects your relationship. He seems really considerate. Give him the space and time he needs, it's very important.
I know first hand how very difficult it is, but you don't have a choice. But don't worry sweetie, you two are going to be fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): i really dont like when people do that to there partners, i think its totally selfish what he is doing to you, to be honest if i was in your position and that was my bf wanting to have his own space etc... i would just dump him, and i have been with my bf 3 years aswell,if he cant talk to you about problems his having now, then what does that mean for the future? say your together for another 5 years or more and he has some sort of break down again, what? does that mean you get pushed aside again. and really what thinking does he have to do about a past relationship? you have been together 3 years for crying out loud, why is he even thinking of his ex's?. there has been someting going on and his not being honest with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): It sounds like he's doing everything he can to hang on to this relationship. If he says he needs some time and space, that's probably what he needs. 3 yrs is a point where it's often about time to fish or cut bait, and he may just need to clear his head of some old stuff to be ready for decisions going forward, and that's a good thing - you want him to do that - and you should be glad that he realizes it.
it sucks that it's the holidays when this is happening, but really, there's never a time when it doesn't suck. Give him the time and space he needs. Get him a present if you like, and you guys can celebrate a delayed holiday when he's more himself. Meanwhile, take advantage of the fact that it's easy to surround yourself w/ family and friends this time of year, and do your best to leave him alone as much as possible. that's hard when you've grown so used to having someone in your life, but if he's saying he needs space, it's not b/c he doesn't like being w/ you, it's b/c he needs to force himself to deal w/ uncomfortable things that he knows he'll be too comfortable to do when he's w/ you. and the more you insert yourself into his life (even by just calling to say hello), the more you impede that process and drag out the time it will take him to clear his mind. tell yourself you'll call him once a week, or smthg like that, on a particular day, even, and then stick to it-- no more. you can tell him you love him on that day, but be sure not to make the conversation abt how hard this is for you-- he already knows that. just be supportive, or it's not worth doing.
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A
female
reader, beautifulxxbrunette08 +, writes (12 December 2006):
 Well hun...If you have been with him for 3 years and you are willing to wait for him because of the love that you hold for him, then that should be your best bet. i totally agree with you when you say 3 years is a long time to just throw away...because it is. you should just ask him some questions...ask how long he might need, if it it something he can overcome, or if he beleives in his heart that it could be the end. it will set your mind at ease to know answers like these. and you dont H A V E to be apart on Christmas... get him a gift and be the same old person you always have been. if he doesn't think it was necessary then there is something wrong, because you guys aren't
D O N E...so therefore, you should be allowed to make sure he still knows that you love him dearly.
best of luck to you darling...
AsH
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