A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need major help. I have been with my Boyfriend For 4 years. And well a few weeks ago I lost my bestfriend. He died by drowing. "theres a Reason for this". The day b4 he died he told my bf"Treat her right, She's a good Girl". He laughed. And well now i got told that he cheated on me the night when my bestfriend died. :-((.. my B/f wasnt here at that time. He was out hanging out with his friend. Who he always spend time with. Actually more then me and his kids. I dont know what to day anymore. He ignores me. He doesnt want me to do anything with him. He barely calls. YEs he says that he loves me very much. But why dont he show it???. Why does he make me feel like im the guilty one???... I dont know what to do anymore. I cry every night lately. I get Severe panic attacks. I cant eat.. What does this mean???... And also he gets mad if i hang out with friends. But yet its okay for him??He calls me a bitch when im not being one.And obtw. when my bestfriend died he barely was near me. During the Awake he asked if i was going to my boyfriend A.. Which i dont think so. Coz he is the one who drugged me...:-(( i found that out a few days ago... Doesnt make any scence...
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Hi, I read your posts and want to extend my condolences. It's so difficult to lose a good friend, I know because I went through the same thing awhile back... So having said that, I want to offer the best advice I can here. We need to divide up the issues you're facing at the moment.
One is the loss of your best friend. You're going to grieving this for a long time, and you never really get over it, you just learn strategies of coping with it. It's true that time is a healer, but acute grief can make it difficult to think clearly. Here's a link which may help you.
http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/grief-and-bereavement/coping-with-loss
Don't be afraid to ask for more help from your family, good friends or professionals; it's a sign of good mental health to recognize when you need more support to cope with things. Okay?
Second, the thing with Steve. It may be a good idea for the time being to just give your relationship some time off, some distance, until you feel a little steadier and able to cope. He clearly is not going to be the support you need, much as you would like him to be. I'm not encouraged by the he said/she said things, and I'm really worried about his lack of support here...
Third, your post was really hard to understand and quite confusing. I know you're in a lot of turmoil, and I know that you're doing your best to get the ideas across, but I am a bit concerned about that. At this point, you should be avoiding alcohol (and drugs) entirely, as alcohol is a depressant and will NOT help in the slightest, it will only make you feel worse. This means that you should avoid people who are drinking right now too. It will not help, at all, really. Sorry if I have misread the situation, but as I said, your post was a bit confusing and maybe I got it wrong...
As far as being drugged and having unwanted sex with someone else, whoa! What happened? Have you been the victim of something here? This important... you seem to have a lot of trauma going on and being drugged and sexually assaulted is a serious thing. So let's start to think clearly here.
Plan of action:
A, stop drinking, and do not have anything to do with people who are encouraging it...
B, get some help if you need it to help you cope with the loss of your best friend.
C, put anything to do with Steve on hold until you do A and B above. And do not count on him for support, don't call him, just let him go for now. He's not helping you through this at all.
Sorry to hear you're in such pain...please post back again for more help, I'm sure you'll get some more advice and answers! All the best to you at this difficult time.
A
female
reader, Ember13 +, writes (5 May 2008):
I'm still don't really get the drug part but the rest is a little clearer.
He sounds like a jerk to me. He's not being nice or respectful. If you really want to try to work things out, what I would do would be first to make a list of things you don't like about this relationship, how it's been affecting you and what you NEED to be changed in order for this relationship to work. Then sit him down and tell him straight out what you have on that list. If he really cares about you then he'll make an effort to change. I do know there are people, myself included, that don't realize that they're hurting other people and need to be told. He might be one of those guys, I don't know. But almost everyone deserve the benefit of doubt right?
If he still acts in the same way, then leave. This isn't a healthy relationship for you. It'll be really hard but can you really continue to live your life like this?
As for the panic attacks and not eating, that makes sense to me. Sometimes when people are experiencing extreme emotions they have physical effects. Like when I've broken up with my exes I normally don't get hungry and have to force myself to eat. The last time I ate maybe a yogurt a day, it's not healthy.
If you're not strong enough to do this yourself, find some support. Your family, your friends (even if he doesn't like it), or a therapist. Right now I think you need someone to look out for you and if he's not, find someone to help you through this.
Good luck and I hope things get better. I'd say either get out of this or tell him straight up and if nothing changes, then get out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI need major help. I have been with my Boyfriend Steve For 4 years. And well a few weeks ago I lost my bestfriend. He died by drowing. "theres a Reason for this". The day b4 he died he told my bf Steve"Treat her right, She's a good Girl".And Steve laughed. And well now i got told that Steve cheated on me the night when my bestfriend died. :-(( He did Not tell me,It was a few of my friends who told me.That got told by the women who he did it with. Steve ofcourse Denia's it. He says that he doesnt want ane other gurl. Only me in his life. ..Steve wasnt here at that time, He was out hanging out with his friend.When my best friend Died. Steve is always with him, Actually more then me and his kids.A few days ago like around Wednesday he wanted to take abreak from us. Because back in March. I slept over a friends house with my cousin who i barely SEE.then as I stayed there. This guy idk his name drugged me...:-((mNext morning i told Steve that i cheated on him.
Then like On WEDNESDAY the day that steve wanted to take a break from us. I got told that i was drugged up Threw my Alcohol.Bummer...
I dont know what to anymore. Steve ignores me. steve doesnt want me to do anything with him,And barely calls.
YEs he says that he loves me very much. But why dont he show it???. Why does he make me feel like im the guilty one???... I dont know what to do anymore. I cry every night lately. I get Severe panic attacks. I cant eat.. What does this mean???... And also he gets mad if i hang out with friends. But yet its okay for him??He calls me a bitch when im not being one.
And obtw. When my bestfriend died Steve was barely near me. During the Awake he asked if i was going to my boyfriend, Which i dont think so. Coz he is the one who drugged me...:-((Finally yesterday "Monday" I finally saw Steve. And we talked. But things are still weird. Like he was more with his bestfriends. While i was just cruising around and going the place where my best friend die... This is all true.. I cried my eyes out begging for help. And well. If it is friends interfering with the relationship why cant he tell them to F,OFF... ???????????
Sorry for the wording i have been a total mess ever since my bestfriend died. And with all of this shit happening.. Kinda hard to think correctly...
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A
female
reader, Ember13 +, writes (5 May 2008):
Your post is a little confusing b/c of the wording. I don't really know what to say but if you could fix up the last paragraph at least please.But the one thing that I will comment on is "he can hang out with his friends but you can't hang out with yours". That's not cool. And he cheated on you? Also, not cool. He sounds possessive. I'd dump him.But if you could rewrite some of your post so it's a bit more coherent, I'm sure people would be able to give you more sound advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNNooo he didnt drug my bf that is... Some guy drugged me so i can cheat on my bf.. So that HE can have me NOT my bf...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): it sounds like your all a group of friends.maybe its best if you call it a day with this guy cause it sounds like its going nowhere.i think he still wants you as a friend but doesnt want any of his friends to have you either.im sorry about your friend who died but maybe thats the connection you both have,you can still have this as friends.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Ok, reality check comming up, this bloke is a bully he is not in love with you at all, he is just using you and keeping you dangling.
Did I read it right that he drugged you, if so run away from him fast this man is dangerouse and nasty and a lot of things besides but what he is not is loyal, dependable, honest or in love with you.
Words are cheap, actions speak louder than words and he is certainly showing you how much he doesnt care with his actions.
Be strong and get this user out of your life before he hurts you physically as well as emotionally and gives you some nasty STD.
Ditch him and move on, dont look back and be strong, you owe it to yourself to have a good life with someone who will look after you, respect you and treat you well.
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