A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i had previously gotten some advice bcuz my bf cant get over my past which i cheated on my ex husband he says i will always b a cheater and at times puts me down.. he is hurt at the fact that i wuz not the girl he expected me to be... but i think he judges me to harshly for something i did almost 10 yrs ago.here is somethings i am questioning and need advice in.. he use to tell me his every move where he would b at etc... now he dosent do it at all he dosent take the initiative to txt me neither he trys but am the one lookn for him.. he says he truly deeply loves me which i beleive cuz he wuz the one always lookn for me until he gets his head full of these images of my past its been 2 weeks that he has stop nearly txtn me or telln me wht he does.. he says that i changed him to think negative about me that am the one who caused us to b so distant.so i have been the one lookn for him txtn him and shown him that i would never cheat on him.. how long should i keep lookn for him or as they say kiss his ass and show him i really love him? he says he will never trust me again is that just his hurt speakn.. can someone tell me how long i should keep this up cuz i dont wanna b the kind of girl thats seems all clingy... but he also says he wont let go he luvs me to much and thats y he is here... am so confused?????????
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male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 I think "OLD MAN" is SPOT ON! ^^
A
male
reader, Boy Blue  +, writes (2 October 2010):
I could be far off, but I think he's cheating on you...seems like he is using your past to constantly blame you for his own guilt. If he can't trust you because of your past and he seems certain of it then I don't even see the point of being with him. Now I don't know everything going on, ,maybe the both of you are looking for attention from each other but I just see this as a waste of time of a relationship. He can complain about your past as much as he wants but it doesn't change it. No one should be bringing you down about your past except you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): I think you burst his bubble when you told him you cheated because you cheated on a husband too. Someone you made a vow to, a sacred promise to never do that and you broke it.
It can be very hard to look past that. Because in his mind there are certain circumstances where you have and perhaps will cheat again. I know the others have a point that it was 10 years ago, a very long time and you're a different person now. But you can't get rid of the fact that in his mind it makes you the kind of person that not only is capable of doing the most hurtful thing you can to another within a relationship (we're all capable of it) but that you actually have done it.
"Once a cheater always a cheater" is a popular saying with good reason but for me it only applies to people that have cheated on me. (Hasn't happened yet thankfully)
The thing is these days most people have cheated on someone, or been the person someone cheated with at least once in their lives. We just have to accept that, my last 3 ex girlfriends had cheated and my girlfriend now has also cheated on people in the past but it wasn't me so I trust/ed them.
I bet at least 2 of the last 3 posters have cheated before, and/or been cheated on. It's just a fact of life these days, it's just the norm. So despite all of his feelings he should trust you because it wasn't him you cheated on and it was a long time ago, plus if he can't live with the fact that someone has cheated in their past he's going to be a very lonely person because most people have.
There is nothing you can do to make him trust you, unless you can build a time machine. You need to let this one go, if he's gone all cold and stopped contacting you and stuff you need to do the same. This could just be a temporary shock thing and he needs a bit time to get his head together. So give him that time and if he doesn't realize after a little while he has nothing to be upset about and no reason not to trust you then you're better off without him. I have to say though, if he can't trust you 100% then this relationship has no future.
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A
female
reader, Vanilla5 +, writes (2 October 2010):
Well girl why are you with him he does not trust you he think you are going to do it to him well then leave him ma get somebody that cares and that they trust you ma ok
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2010):
I just don't see the point in staying with a guy who is judging you for something you did with someone else, then saying he can 'never trust you again', but wont' leave. I don't see the point. I think you're with a controlling drama queen to be honest. When you cheated, it was 10 years ago and you were young. This is 10 years later and you're more mature now. He says you changed him, then you caused all this. No you didn't. He did it to himself.
You should just walk away now. He wont' trust you, he won't let this go, he will just be distant and he will just continue to use this against you. Just walk away.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Oooooh boy...
Good news and bad news.
Yes, he does love you. Letting go of you is very hard for him to do. It's that love/ hate thing. Not that he hates YOU, but he hates that part of you.
He's never going to trust you no matter what you do. That's not his hurt, but reality. Things may get better, and he's all well and good, but somewhere along the line you will do the slightest little thing, and his distrust will be right there, stronger than ever.
You texting him and kissing his ass is hardly a band aid for what is going on with him.
There is the saying of once a cheat, always a cheat. I don't know you, nor am I going to judge you. I will say that from what I have seen,it is a pretty accurate statement... Some people learn their lesson and never do it again, while others save it until they are unhappy for one reason or another, or use it as a tool of private revenge.
Also, being that this bothers him so badly, he may cheat or be cheating on you. I understand it wasn't he that you cheated on, but you say that he told you that you aren't the girl he expected you to be. Going back to the top (hard to let go) He is in love with the girl he expected you to be, not the girl that he now sees you as. He held you at such high expectations and found out that you are human and made a mistake. I could understand if he were to cheat, in his mind he would be trying to make the two of you even.
I hope this makes sense....
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