A
female
age
36-40,
*RSMouse
writes:My boyfriends mother hates me. She has no reason to, and if he asks her why, she responds by shouting at him that she doesn't want to talk about it.On wednesday last week she banned me from their family home (she did last year for 4 months). My boyfriends texts were cold after that, even though I had done absolutely nothing wrong. I saw him on Friday, and he said that he had doubts about us, as he couldn't see how it could work with me and his Mum.He lives at home, and has worked for the family since he left school (6 years ago). His car, his clothes, everything is paid for by his family.We have an amazing relationship, when it is just as. We have that spark. On Friday he told me that he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone, but that he didn't want to keep trying. He wanted someone he could take home with him.I have gone out of my way to be nice to her with no luck. And now it seems I am going to lose him to her.He understands that it is entirely not my fault that she hates me. But still, he told me he wants space to 'get his head straight'. He said he wants a break. I said ok, and he said we would still text every day. I said i didnt mind him having space, but that i needed him to be nice to me, as i have done nothing wrong, and i wouldnt cope if he wasnt nice.Then last night, as he had asked earlier, i text him to see what he was doing. and he told me he was down the pub. i was upset he was out when i was at home crying, but i didnt say anything. i told him to have a good night, and to just text me when he got home as i didnt want to disturb him. Come 1AM i'm going to bed, so i text to let him know i am going to bed, that i love him and for him to text me today, and i got no reply. And still all day today, I have heard nothing from him.I have no idea what is going through his head, and the sitting around is awful, but i know i need to give him this time. he disappeared for 2 weeks last summer amidst a commitment freak out, but he came back and we sorted things out. I'm just feeling pretty stupid now as my friends and family told me to watch out as he might do it again, but I insisted things were different, and now it appears history is rewriting itself.I am gutted, as for the two and a half years we have been together, we have had a perfect relationship, his mum aside. He takes me to different places, for dinner, for breakfast, brings me flowers. He tells me i'm the best girlfriend a guy could ask for. We can't keep our hands off each other, but we are best friends too. But still, he just doesn't seem able to make the right choice here for himself and me, which is to fight for us.Any advice on where to go from here greatly appreciated. I don't want to leave him, I truly believe he is the one and I strongly believe that two people should only break apart if they so choose, and not because of interference from others. Me leaving him is not an option, I just want advice on what to do to make sure he comes back to me. Thankyou in advance.
View related questions:
a break, best friend, flowers, lives at home, spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 If you are meant to be together,nothing will ever stop you . It will be a very hard mountain to climb and you will need all the resources you can muster.
Only time will tell if yours will be a true love story.
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 Don't text him. Why give him the comfort of knowing your around if he wants you - make him miss you and have a think about what he lost and if he wants it back.
I would not take him back unless he stands up to his mother tho. No more adult mummy boy crap.
...............................
A
female
reader, KRSMouse +, writes (26 April 2010):
KRSMouse is verified as being by the original poster of the questionleaving him really is not an option, although i understand what you mean, when you say he has chosen. his mothers interference isnt that often. its just that he believe everything in life should be easy, and when a problem occurs, even one as small as this, he burries his head in the sand. i know i cannot force him to be with me. and i won't contact him until he contacts me now. the first day he has not text me all day on since last september. i wish i knew what he was thinking.ive lived with his mother being like this before now. at some point he will need to sit down with me, as he owes me money and we have some of each others things. i just really want advice on what to say when that does happen, and how best to encourage him to understand that this path he is trying to go down is not the right one.we havn't broken up, we are just having some time apart, all the same, i didn't expect no contact all day. i think other family members have told him to stay away from me. it makes me really sad. i am trying to keep busy and have spent the weekend with friends, but nothing seems to fill the void, my mind keeps coming back to him. you dont just stop loving someone, and i know even though he is trying to forget me and have this space, i know he still loves me. maybe he just needs this time to realise how much. maybe he needs to lose me, to fight to get me back.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): If you really cant leave this mummys boy then maybe go round to his house and have a chat with him and his mum so you can ask her exactly what it is that she doesnt like about you or why she has such a problem with her son seeing you.
do you really want to be with somebody who has such a controlling mother anyway?
best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 April 2010):
It seems he's made his choice.
He doesn't want to man up and look after himself. He's choosing to stay at home with mummy.
I say walk away for a while. Stop texting him. Go out and have fun. Let him miss you.
When he realises what he's losing he might grow up and cut the apron strings.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, It's all be okay +, writes (25 April 2010):
I'm sorry that you are hurting so much, but it seems clear that he has made his decision. He obviously gets on well with his family if he works with them and lives at home, and the view of his mother is important to him.Sadly, it is more important to him than you are. You say that you strongly believe that two people should only break apart if they so choose - well, he has chosen. Sadly there is no advice that can be given to make sure that he comes back to you. I would suggest that you do not contact him at all, and you try to move on. If he really wants you, he'll contact you and say he's made a terrible mistake, but don't hold out for that, as it's not very likely, I feel. And find someone who does want you more than they want their mum.
...............................
|
