A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and still a virgin. A bit lame I know but I've been waiting for the right person.Recently I've started kind of seeing a man i think might be the right person, the only problem is i really dont want to tell him i'm a virgin or inexperienced in any way...what i'm worried about is that he'll be able to tell that I am. I know I won't bleed when i eventually have sex because it broke a while ago while i was masturbating, but the fact is I won't really know what to do or what to expect, when he's going to finish etc etc. I know for a fact he is very experienced in that area and I'll probably have a lot to live up to.I'm so freaked out about that i'm seriously thinking about dumping him just so I won't go through with it. Telling him I'm a virgin is not an option for reasons I won't go into.Will he just think I'm bad in bed? What should I expect?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Ummm . . . yeah, this is hard to understand. Yes, you really need to tell him. He'll probably figure out that you don't know much about sex, or much about pleasing guys. If he doesn't know the reason for this it'll probably not improve your standing with him.
How does HE feel about you? What have two two done so far?
If you really love each other, then there's no reason not to tell him. If you can't tell him - then you're probably not in a relationship that will last long.
Even without a hymen your first time will probably be uncomfortable, or even "hurt like hell", as his penis stretches your vaginal muscle and opens you up. If the two of you haven't made a special effort to get you ready it's even more likely to hurt.
It's actually OK if you're not head-over-heals in love with each other. A lot of women think it's best if their first sex partner is a friend, acquaintance, or even a random or anonymous guy. And they want him to be experienced, so they can get sexual experience without the encumbrance of a relationship. But they make sure the guy KNOWS they are a virgin, and that it won't be a long-term thing.
A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Hmmmm. This is a weird situation. Maybe you should be honest with yourself, and ask the obvious question...Do I really love this guy? If the answer is yes, I wouldn't worry too much about the virgin issue. It's not such a big deal. I was a virgin up untill the age of 30. Once you lose it, you will start to think less about the matter. If the answer is no, then why on earth would you want to have sex with him? He might be so busy worrying about his own problems that he won't care too much if you're a virgin. You might be worryng too much. Don't read into these things all the time. Just remember, the first experience is awkward for everyone.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Enthusiasm trumps experience every time. Just be into it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): You say you've been waiting for the right person and you think it's this guy but you CAN'T be honest with him and tell him you're a virgin?!? Look good relationships are built on honesty and communication, you have to tell him because he will still need to be gentle and it will make you less nervous about trying to pretend like you have more experience than you do. Honestly it's not that big of a deal, most guys would love to find a 20 year old virgin. And if he is one of the few who would have a problem with it then he's not the right guy for you to be with. You shouldn't lie or pretend to be something you're not just to keep this guy. If you don't tell him and then have sex with him he may not physically be able to tell you're a virgin but he'll think you aren't enjoying it or that he's doing something wrong because you can't know all the tricks and techniques your first time, that's something that you gain with experience. You're first time may not be great and earth shaking and if he knows you're a virgin he won't expect that, but if he thinks you have experience he may wonder what happened. Bottom line, just tell him it's not a big deal, if you lied and said you weren't a virgin, oh well just come clean, he'll probably like you more for telling the truth and being a virgin.
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female
reader, leaGW  +, writes (25 April 2010):
The advice some people might give to you in this situation would be to watch porn to try and ease the anxiety that you feel. I understand your anxiety and recently I actually watched some porn and it did help to give me a mental ease and you could learn a little from it.
If you don't want to tell him that you're a virgin or inexperienced maybe you could try telling him that you want him to help you please him. But you should talk to him and let him know how you feel so that nerves don't get the best of you.
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A
male
reader, Starlite2k10 +, writes (25 April 2010):
Ok, you've got basically nothing to worry about =)
Because your the female in this situation, you could get through it without even having to move =P
Guys will gladly do all the work for the first few times you have sex. This will allow you time to get comfortable with what your doing, and what he enjoys.
Just ask him to have sex with you in ways such as missionary or doggy, which involve no movement from you =)
And don't be afraid to ask him what he likes, the fact that you will be willing to do it will be a big turn on for him =)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): hey hun, im 20 and also still a virgin, firstly it is nothing to be ashemed about. If you like him dont dumb him, if you ask me he might jus respect you more, many men out there lyk a women like yourself a virgin, so dont stress your going to be fine. Goodluck x
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