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female
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anonymous
writes: ....firstly i went on a date with him, which he was late for, i liked him so much, but he didnt call the next day like he said he would. When i text him, he said hed been shopping! He then rang me and asked to meet him again and we briefly met severel times following and kissed in nightclubs etc.I started to get to know his mates and dated a few of them just to get close to him. Whenever i see him around he always hugs me and talks to me. I have had 2 one night stands with him, last time i slept with him, he said he wanted to 'get serious with him' then he never rang me and when i saw him a week later he said 'i cant believe you just used me for sex!'he texts me and says stuff like 'please meet me 2morrow, i cant get you out of me head.i love u' Then he doesnt turn up!a while back he said that he didnt want to settle down till he was older, but hed love kids with me???What the hell is he playing at??what does he want from me?is he using me for sex or is he scared of me hurting him cos iv messed him about in the past?I just cant get him out of my head.I know he fancies me but is there anything more.plzplz help.i dnt no wat to do???
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (23 March 2006):
 To tell you the truth I think you are onto a lost cause here hun. I don't see this going anywhere. This 'relationship' has turned sour before it has even started!
I was quite shocked to read that you dated his mates to get close to him! How does that work? Surely you should've dated HIM to get close to him!? This is one reason for sure why I don't think you stand a good chance (I'm only giving it to you how it is, no offence meant) Blokes like their friends to approve of their girlfriends, it like the seal of approval. They don't however like their friends to be able to say "Oh I went on a date with her" and then another friend to say "yeah me two!" I'm not trying to be mean, but do you see where I'm coming from?
I think the best thing for you to do would be to cut your losses, accept that you went about trying to get to know him completely the wrong way and start to move on. You are starting to make yourself anxious over this lad, and I really don't think the rewards are going to be worth it.
Another big reason to move on is that from what you have said about him, he seems pretty unstable at the moment. Throwing accusations at you then saying he loves you. This is not on and if you get into a relationship with him it will carry on, it stands a very good chance of becoming an emotionally abusive / blackmail kind of relationship, which I guarantee you, you will be better off without. He will be more attractive when he's got control of himself and right now, it doesn't seem as though he has.
Good luck, Sexybum x
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