A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know I asked a similar question a few months ago but, since then, things haven't changed a whole lot with this guy I really like. I recently turned 18 and I am almost certain that I am gay. I am not out of the closet yet. If I ever do come out soon, I would want only my future boyfriend to know. I have never been in a relationship before with another person of the same sex, but I have had one girlfriend about a year ago as well as hooked up with a few other girls. This relationship and these hook-ups have merely been cover-ups so as to make others less suspicious of my real sexual orientation. But I need a change in my life. I am tired of doing things that are quite frankly meaningless to me, and I want to be involved in another guy's life.There is this one guy who I'm basically in love with! He is also my age (18) and is a good friend of mine as of a few years ago. Him and I are both somewhat masculine, as we are very involved in competitive swimming and don't fall into that gay "stereotype." At first, I didn't question his sexuality, and he is percieved by others as straight, I believe. Yet, especially in the past few months, I have been wondering if he is gay, or at least bicurious. I have also had this growing desire for him (both romantically and sexually) which has only grown much stronger as of late. I really do care a lot about him. The signs that his has been giving me tell me that he is also gay and is into me. I am just trying to convince myself, "Yes, he is gay for me," because I simply want him to be gay, or is he actually gay?He will often do things like slap my a** in a joking manner when we are in our speedos. He even does this a lot in front of others as a joke. Note that this particular action he does sometimes to other (most likely straight) guys on the team as well. I am well aware that there are some straight guys that will slap guy friends on the a** as a joke and act gay and are immature like that, but would a straight guy really say and do all of the following things to another guy friend without being interested in him at the least? He occasionally says things to me like, "I want (you) to f**k (me) you so hard" and, "I want your c**k in my mouth." It seems that he says these things in a joking manner, but at times I wonder if these are more than just jokes. He also occasionally tries to show me his d**k (but other straight guy have done that to other guys too). He calls me gay at times, but has even more recently said, "I'm gay" with a straight face and even repeats it 2-3 times as if waiting for a response from me. Do you think he actually wants me to take him seriously here or just "laugh it off." He has also asked if I would go out or get with him if I was a girl or gay. One time he asked if I would rahter f**k him than this girl and he was like, "Yeah you know you'd f**k me."Yet he occasionally talks to me about girls that he thinks are hot and even tells me about sexual things he would like to do to some of them. He even knew the names of a few (female) porn stars! What's up with that!?!? He can be a real jokester too though. He talks very openly about sex (straight and gay) with people, including myself. He's not just a straight guy that is so comfortable with his sexuality that he feels he can act like this, right? Has he really gone above the limit of the straight guy just trying to be funny?He has been very touchy at practice (including earlier today), grabbing onto my feet and pulling me back, and I would often reciprocate that act. He seems to be having a lot of fun, laughing and all, when we do mess around like that. When we went to the beach together back in december, we would wrestle on the bed and kind've mess with each other. He would put his arm around my shoulders and even lean his head on my shoulder in the car one time. He has also asked me a few times when we were alone in the locker room if I could rub this lotion all over his back...obviously I did and my hormones were raging here. We were also really quiet during those times, and I wonder if he also gets turned on by that? He occasionally tells me that he LOVES me and then just laughs. He also gave me a short lap dance in just his speedo once at this big swim meet about a few months ago. I want to get with him soooo bad!Is he gay or bicurious?If so, is he into me as I am really into him?Advice on what I should do to get the ball rolling would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
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male
reader, aaringurl  +, writes (11 April 2011):
For me though, it doesn't really matter if he's gay/bicurious or whatever. He probably is the type who's okay with it. There are people who see and interpret things differently. In his case, saying stuff as such, slapping the @**, or showing off might just be the norms for him, and probably he wants you to get used to it. Yea, I think you're really into him. And it's not a bad thing actually, just be cautious. Be careful, because, if he's really bicurious and truly harbors some affection for you, and confesses it to you,then you're lucky. -- Don't ever turn him down he he seriously does.And if he doesn't see you as someone beyond a friend, then you'd just have to go on with life. Don't do anything like confessing and such, it might ruin or make things awkward between you two. Just be you, okie? ~.~p.s. - I'm so curious of how you see him -- do you see him as a top or as a bottom? ^,^ i'm so addicted of seeing and labeling things that way..
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Oh I'd also like to note that just because he knows who jenna jameson is, or whichever pornstar doesn't mean much, I mean, you were aware of them too, so take that with a grain of salt, people can explore hetero and homosexual porns without necessarily being the same orientation as what they're watching.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (10 April 2011):
This is a little tough, because you're in a team setting where homosexual behavior is to an extent accepted (the ass slapping as you mention) but I DO think he's crossed the line from making homophobic jokes or suggestive jokes into an interest in you. If it all HAS been to get you to come out, he's kind of going above and beyond that mission...I don't think any straight man would really put his head on your shoulder if he wasn't interested. thats really just not accepted physical interaction between straight males in our culture.
I think it's time for you to at least reciprocate jokes back. maybe next time you are alone with him, try asking him why all his jokes with you are centered around gay sex, or say something like, you sure have a particular fascination with gays, seeing as you aren't one. maybe he'll again say he's gay, in which case I think you SHOULD try to make a move.
Another tough consideration we have here is the team aspect, in that if you two become an item, it'll be hard for your teammates not to notice (although your behavior during practice is already apparent..). the only advice on this front I say is to maybe wait til it's the summer so you don't have the team breathing down your neck watching your every moves with this guy. try to make an effort this summer to hang out with him more, see movies do dude stuff or whatnot, I think it should work out.
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