A
male
age
41-50,
*manning6
writes:I was wondering if i was handling this all wrong. I went online the other day and pulled the history on the computer from one day last week I was looking for a paper for college. I thought i found it and low and behold it was his profile for this dating site. he did put he was married looking for casual sex. listed fantasies the whole nine yards. i really started snooping then and he beongs to a ton of them. he did list he was married but has no sex life with me. we have 4 kids 2 are autistic. my dad has dementia and stays with us plus is hospice now. i go to grad school. i am drained probably not a good excuse but right now i can't think straight let alone want to have sex. i confronted him told him he should have told me he wanted to date or sleep around. i said i wanted to separate. he advised me he was not planning on doing anything just likes the compliments of a woman.i said ok i understood. but he is still on this one atleast several times an evening.how would you handle this?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Well, you're right to be angry. I think what he wanted was to sleep with someone on the side. It seems to me that he's having trouble with the situation you're in and he is beginning to give signs of it. You have to talk to him and see where you stand, and be on the alert to prevent any surprises.
A
male
reader, amanning6 +, writes (14 June 2009):
amanning6 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe other thing i don't understand is he actually lists himself as married wanting casual discreet sex. and woman actually respond 5 pages worth and counting. i'm disgusted with him and them.him for not understanding them for even wanting to mess with a married man.i wanted to reply back to the one hello he has 4 kids 9 and under are you insane?do you really want to be a homewrecker or add to it. sorry i'm just angry today.
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A
male
reader, amanning6 +, writes (14 June 2009):
amanning6 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry,i'm actually a woman.Not real sure how came up a man must have hit the wrong button. Thank you for your adviice. Does anyone know how I change my status as female?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (14 June 2009):
Your profile says you're a man. So this seems to be a same-sex relationship. Not that it is my business, but I mention it because, if that is the case, I wouldn't understand his wanting to hear compliments from women.
If there's a mistake in your profile and you're a woman, then I would say that he might be having trouble coping with everything, so he wanted an escape. This is a sign of trouble. Stay alert and talk to him about this.
I think he should be supportive, instead of just trying to find an escape. I do understand that he might be overwhelmed, yet I would worry about what he does.
By the way, all I have written would still make sense. Even if it were compliments from a woman he wanted, him being gay, I would worry.
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A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (14 June 2009):
 It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now, and I completely understand that you would be exhausted. But, I don't think it's a justification for him putting ads on dating sites. That's a bit much, don't you think? I mean, maybe you're more modern than I am and don't have a problem with your guy f---ing around with other women online or otherwise. BUT, I would have a serious problem with it.
There are a few deal-breakers for me and disloyalty is one of them. It may not be the case for you, and if it's not, then I guess I'd let it slide. The thing is: If you let it slide, will you be all right when he starts hooking up with other women?
Best of luck. xo
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