A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and I have been together a year now. he relies on me for a lot of things, money, lifts, etc but as he is depending on me more frequently we are beginning to argue more.he does work full time but is absolutely useless with money,hence me having to bail him out. he owes me quite a bit now, and I stress about it and end up having a go at him and last night he said that maybe we should split up as we are arguing a lot lately. i really dont want to as i love him to bits and cant imagine life without him. i told him i didnt want to, and asked what he wanted to do and he said he didnt mind either way, hes just fed up of me being so 'moody' and 'uptight'. we decided to stay together in the end but i wonder whether he really wants to seeing as he suggested a break up. what can i do to make it work again? i told him we both need to try but he said he comes as he is and that hes not going to change for anyone.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 Your relationship isn't going well. You say he works full time but relies on you a great deal to give him money, lifts, etc. He's taking advantage of you. Any man worth his salt should learn to manage his money better - or if he finds himself short, do without!
He has made it clear he isn't going to change; so even if you "love him to bits" you have two choices: stay with him and become increasingly dissatisfied and unhappy, or, accept reality and "love yourself to bits" enough to think of your own welfare and break up with him!
Maybe right now you can't imagine life without him - but, you're young and there's plenty more fish in the sea. Doubtless you'll "land" one after you've got over this man.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): He doesn't sound that committed to you. He is using you financially and can't be bothered generally. Really, as much as you love him, or think you love him, he is no good for you. He won't change. I doubt if you will get your money back - so walk away. He is a loser and you are better off without him in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 March 2012):
 Get your money back and then break up with him. He is being honest when he said he isn't going to change for anyone. Why? Because HE doesn't see why he should, after all you keep bailing him out. You need to stop enabling him.
However, I say get your money back first then dump him or you will never see the money he owes you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 You are not breaking up because you are arguing a lot. You are breaking up because he is a loser. He wants to be the one suggesting first because if you suggest it first he will look like a loser. What is your response to his wanting to break up, working things out. See psychology here. He already admitted that he is a user, but that doesn't change that he has to pay you back, and I won't be surprised if he doesn't pay you a penny back. He used you up, you complained too much and therefore this is a reason for a break up, not some BS imcompatability issue here.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 You need to consider the fact he has told you he is not going to change for anyone. At least now you know where you are starting from, and at least now you know what your choices are.
You can accept him as he is, and continue to support him financially because he has told you he is not going to change. Can you accept this, it does sound like he is making no effort to repay any of the money you have given him.
YOu could try asking him if he does intend returning your money, or paying it back, and if he says yes ask him what the minimum amount per fortnight (or pay period, weekly, monthly etc) he could pay and show him how to set up an automatic transfer from his pay until its paid.
If he says no, he isnt willing to pay you need to decide if you will accept this, as he has told you he has no intention of changing. The ball is in your court. From there you need to weigh up the pros and cons of a future without any financial stability or if you would be better off without him and his wasteful ways.
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