A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!I have been with this guy for 2 months now and he is in the process of getting a divorce. He was very honest to me in the very first time. He told me after he broke up with his ex wife, he only went out with 4 girls and nothing serious. He told me he really liked me. But he can not be ready for a new relationship right now. But he still wants to see me and take thing very slow. I respected that and thought I could do it until hes ready because I really liked hime and thought he would be a great boyfriend.We went out like 2 times a week and most of the time we went out with other friends. I often stayed over his house after we going out but we didnt have sex ( we did only time). But he was very sweet to me, everytime when we came home ( to his house) after the nights, he cooked for me because he knows I always feel hungry late at nights. Sometimes we watched movies and fell asleep together. And in the mornings, he woke me up with his great breakfast he made for me. He never let me pay for everything when we go out together. He always told me that I was a very sweet girl and he liked very much. He told me he hadnt seen anyone else since we met and he didnt want it but he just needed time and space before staring a new relationship. But this morning, I went to a book fair in a park which is right accross his house.When I get out of the park to go home, I saw him and a girl were walking out of the building, he was calling a taxi for her and he kissed her goodbye ( on her mouth). I couldnt believe that was real, my heart was broken. I called him right away and asked him where he was. He told me he wasnt at home and would call me in couple of hours. I told him stop lying to me because i just saw everything. I was really upset and told him I was just right in front of his building. So he showed up and we walked into the park to talk. He explained to me that she was the girl he met a few months ago before he met me, they went out but he wasnt interested in her. But last night, he met her again in a bar, she was very drunk and she asked him if she could stay at his house. He said its very hard to say no because she was drunk. But he said they didnt have sex. Nothing happened at all, she just needed a place to sleep. And he said he had to lie to me because he didnt want to hurt my feeling. He didnt want me to get upset.I was totally pissed, and extremelly disappointed. I always thought he was a great guy. He was nice and honest and I believed he liked me and honest to me. But now, which what I saw this morning, I dont know if he was really the man I thought he was. I still like him so much and I still want to see him and I am willing to take everything slow as he wishes. But now I dont know what to do! he really broke my heart by lying to me!What should I do now! please give some adviceThank you so much
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broke up, divorce, drunk, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Hi! Thank you so much for your honest advice. I really appreciated it!
He emailed me to say sorry again and explained again why he lied to me and hoped at some points I would forgive him. I am still upset and hurt but I do miss him! :(
I know you were right that I should move on and I am trying my best but still I miss him.....:(
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 He is playing you and every other woman, who is allowing it. He doesn't want to be with anyone at the moment. He even told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship. You're not any different than the other 4 girls, or the girl that he recently kissed. He isn't interested in pursuing anything long-term, or serious with any of those girls, including you. None of you are his girlfriend.
The woman that he kissed is probably in the same boat as you. She too is probably being treated nicely and she is hoping something more serious will develop. The thing is, it won't. Not with you, her or any other woman he comes in contact with. He wants action from as many women as possible and he is romancing you all with a final goal in mind - sex.
"He said its very hard to say no because she was drunk. But he said they didnt have sex. Nothing happened at all, she just needed a place to sleep."
Yes, and the part of him KISSING her is nothing at all, right? Say for a second that you're naive enough to believe the whole drunk story. That they somehow met a bar and she stayed over without anything happening, even though he was seeing her longer than you.....say you believe all of that - WHY did they kiss then? Since when do people kiss other people on the mouth if they were just taking care of a drunk person? Get real. This is not even a plausible lie. It's a poorly crafted BS story. Don't be a fool and believe it. When you hear the "I'm not ready to be in a relationship" line, I suggest you run like hell. They rarely ever turn into a real relationship.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (25 March 2012):
This guy has just come out of a marriage, he is starting to feel his feet and enjoy the single life. He feels like a child in a sweet shop, lots of single females to choose from and is going to enjoy as many of those sweets as he possibly can because he hasnt been allowed any for such a long time.
Honey, my advise is, stay well away otherwise you will get your heart broken. He basically told you what you wanted to hear last night in that that woman means nothing and was drunk etc and he was being a good man by taking her in. He is full of s*** and don't be taken in by it.
Move on because you will seriously regret it believe me. He is going down the slippery players path and will probably be single for a very long time but will fill a jar with broken hearts along the way!
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (25 March 2012):
 The fact that you saw him kissing an other girl and lies about it when you confront him about it should let you know that you two are on different planes- you want this to be a serious relationship, and he doesn't. He just got divorced, he is not interested in another serious relationship right now. He's got a things to work out. Don't be another rebound that he sweet-talks. I bet he's told every single girl the same thing- "I like you, but I want to take it really slow." In all honestly, that's guy code for "I don't want anything serious at all right now."
I'd say stop seeing him and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): He's not ready for a relationship, he's already been out with you and 4 others and his divorce isn't through yet.So he's just playing the field.
As for the girl you saw him kissing, his first instinct was to tell you he wasn't even at home - and not till you said you had seen him did he own up.
I would move on, he isn't going to give you anything but heartache. Maybe if you had met in 2 or 3 years time it may have been different, but I wouldn't trust him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 I would leave him alone. It's true that the other 4 girls is nothing serious. I would be upset because after he assumingly broke things up with the other 4 he still got in touch with them. He is trying to sound noble by "rescuing" this girl but he's wrong trying to lead her on and responding to that girl. He probably felt like a hero doing that. There are thousands of drunk girls every night, is he going to save all of them? It's not the lying that gets to me, it's his loose boundaries with people and his need to be a "savior" to everyone that turns me off.
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