A
female
age
51-59,
*utchysgirl
writes:i have be with my boyfriend for 2 years we are both older and have kids from other parnters we both work long hours on the farm sometime 12 hours a day. We use to have sex all the time but now it maybe once a month sometime I ask if he want to make love but instead he will stay up later than me and by the time he come to be I am asleep.I have ask him if its cause Im fat the reason why we dont have sex as much and he tell me that I am not fat but it cause we work so hard and he is tired.Is the lack of sex because we work so hard and get up so early or because I dont turn him on anymore. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): OP have you tried just initiating non-verbally? I mean you say you ask sometimes and then go to bed and wait for him. How about just fooling around on the couch a bit first and then leading up to the bedroom? Perhaps spicing it up will do the trick. I know I can be tired and not in the mood, when asked I might turn my girl down or tell her I will later and then just end up watching a movie or something. But if my girlfriend is with me watching that movie and starts gently feeling me up and stuff it doesn't take long to me get me going. I mean asking and then waiting is kind of routine and it can sound like a chore to a guy who's been out working for 12 hours. So try not asking but just doing.
As far as you being fat, he said you're not so trust him, it's not that.
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 Men are not usually too tired to have sex. there is a problem. but then men are widely different from each other but not normally in this way. no one can tell you whether he doesn't like you or has other problems you must ask him. try not to be confrontational, talk to him gently.
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A
female
reader, Waves  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 Maybe it is time you both had a thorough health check at the Doctor with blood and urine tests? Hormones can play havoc with health, though I suspect the two of you are just plain physically exhausted. Because 12 hours a day (probably 7 days a week) would exhaust anyone. Physical exhaustion and the efforts you would need to put in to work your property would indeed tire anyone out.
But additional tiredness maybe be an indication of a simmering problem. So get a thorough check up just to eliminate that as a cause, and for peace of mind.
But staying up way to late, as a means to avoid going to bed at the same time suggests that your guy especially needs a check up. He may be feeling some issues simmering, such as occasional erectile dysfuntion, and does not want to bother you. But to keep your property running requires a huge effort from both of you. So his good health and fitness is just as important as your good health and fitness.
It sounds a little artificial but perhaps discuss making a special effort for a particular time on a particular day, and treat it like a date. So that you both choose to cut short your chores and have a shower and get comfortable before the appointed time, be if morning, or evening, or when suitable on the day in question.
Yes it is certain that keeping a property going, plus children, plus just life in general, and with the added burden of extra weight is going to bog you down with tiredness. And blunt the edge on your enjoyment.
Thus examine the diet. It is easy to get into a rut of serving similar things if you live miles from where you can buy fresh fruit and vegetables, so I understand that it might be tough to revamp your diet. But even frozen vegetables allow many opportunities to bring fresh tasting vegetables to the diet.
Cut the butter, cream, ceamy sauces, cheese from the meal line up.
http://www.weightwatchers.co.nz/plan/hom/index.aspx and the shop online at
http://shop.weightwatchers.co.nz/epages/shop.sf
Make occasional time to spend just with each other. Deliberately set this time aside. even if you drive out with a picnic lunch for him and sit with him on a rug or in the car and enjoy relaxation time together, just the two of you, alone. Not sure of the age of the children, but if they are all at school then daytime assignations may be possible?
Just being nice to each other, an occasional neck and back massage? An occasional compliment all make life more pleasant. Sometimes it is easy to forget the niceties when life is one endless stream of hard work and endless toil. So it is important that you do be kind to each other in little ways, every opportunity you get. No one ever imagines that the work you do is easy.
Hope things improve soon.
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