A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm new to this and I'm not a person who would normally ask for help, BUT I really feel like I need a 2nd opinion on my situation.I am 24 years old. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 17. He is 10 years older than me at 33 years old. We have no children.He has never really treated me right. He puts me done, by telling me things like "You are so heavy, you need to lose weight" to "You're not going out with me dressed like that", just generally making me feel really low about myself.We live together and he comes up with excuses to why he cant afford to pay bills.. Telling me that if the bill is in my name, then I should pay it. Even though its for a property we both live in.He seems to have no interest in me and will walk in the house without saying hello. When I try to talk to him he tells me to "shut up". Before you tell me I'm an idiot for not breaking up with him... I HAVE TRIED. Several times.He comes up with readons that I should stay with him, acts like a complete angel for a week, giving me a bit fo faith that he'll change... then suprise, supriise, back to normal.I also.. Cannot afford to live on my own. Although I pay all the bills, he pays his half of the rent.I have no family, so have nowhere else to live. So, I feel like I'm caught in a catch 22 situation. I want to get out, but cant!I'm desperate to be on my own and eventually find someone who will treat me right. I'm half the person I used to be. I used to be so social and lively. Now I struggle to find the confidence to go and chat to people.Any advice on how I can break free from him would help me so much.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): don't have to be*
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): Go to a domestic abuse shelter Op and get some information from them about how you can get out of this relationship. He may not hit you or be very overtly abusive but these people are the ones who are experts in helping women to escape the situation you find yourself in.
All these sites have info on leaving a person. Remember he doesn't have to hit you to be abusive, emotional and mental abuse is just as profound. These sites have contact numbers for people you can speak to to get advice. You have to be abused to find this useful either. They are basically artificial support networks for women and men that don't have family or friends they can turn to.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/support/domestic_violence_usefulcontacts_index.shtml
http://refuge.org.uk/
http://www.ncdv.org.uk/
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/
This is also quite useful http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
WARNING: If you decide to browse these sites at home on a shared computer then go into the history of the browser you are using and delete the entries for those sites when you're done. You do not want him finding out that you're planning to leave because you don't want him to talk you out of it. You've tried that before and you always cave. So you have to do this behind his back. Prepare everything you need to go, be set up with somewhere to go, those organizations will even be able to contact your landlord/landlady and might be able to get you out of any lease agreement.
Contact them as soon as possible and find out what your options are. Just make sure he doesn't find out and when the time comes wait until he's at work or out of the house for a few hours. Pack all your stuff, ring a taxi and just go, leave a note if you like.
One thing I want to say though, as soon as you leave go on the internet and change all your passwords to everything. People can ruin lives with access to that stuff.
Finally enough "trying" just do it this time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 What you are suffering is a form of abuse, see if there are any women's health centres or help lines in your area, or a social worker, be sure to explain to them you have no family and no friends to support you.
Put a plan in action, start squirrilling away a little bit of money whenever you know he isnt going to notice, gather the most important things to you into once space, photos, momentoes, personal papers so that if you need to leave in a hurry you will be able to pick them up and take them with you.
I wish you well and God speed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): He knows where he's well off so it's going to be hard to get rid of him.Is he on the tenancy agreement?
Can you leave, find a flatshare with some other girls/women? It may not be ideal but it's a step in the right direction isn't it, alot of people advertise a room nowadays cos they need help with their rent or mortgage.
Its all I can think of - but wish you well, you at least know what you want,to get out of this situation. Thats a start.
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