A
female
age
51-59,
*ichy
writes:I met a man 2 months after my son passed away from cancer. We have been dating 1 year and two months. After 5 years alone I let my walls down to allow him into my life. I immediately fell in love and trusted him fully until I found out he went to a concert with his ex and continued relations with his ex while I was with him. During this time I helped him care for his dying mother. When she passed I found out he took his ex to the memorial and never invited me. He came back into my life and of course I took him back. Since this time I found out he had his other ex girlfriend at his apartment and now found a dialogue of conversation with her on the computer. He states that when he gets angry with me he does this to know his options are still open, yet he is afraid of being lonely. I am tired of everything and trust no more. What do I do?
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (13 May 2007):
 Hey sweetheart you are NEVER EVER alone and although your son has passed away his spirit is still close by with you every day of your life.
You say you wish your son was around to put his fist in this guy's face, well your son would want you safe so you just have to get away from this man one way or another.
I don't know what happens in your country but surely you have organisations that can help battered or abused women. You have lost your apartment because of this man and you need a fresh start without this man in your life.
Do you have friends or family who you could stay with or who would help you get strong again.
The main thing is to pack a bag and wait for your moment but don't wait until he has beaten you to a pulp and you are unable to leave or worse.
His violence seems as though it is getting worse and you sound like you are constantly blaming yourself for his behaviour. Just because he wasn't like this with his ex wife does not mean that you have made him turn into this monster that he is now. He has done this to himself with the alcohol. So he has lost his parents, there are a lot of us who have and that is no excuse to beat your partner to a pulp.
Your self confidence is on the floor and you no longer believe you have any strength. Wait until he is out and go and get some advice from somewhere or make a plan to leave but just don't tell him where you are going or when OK.
I wish I could help more but you have to get away from him.
Get your inner strength for your son and leave him before it is too late OK, please for your own sake.
There is a happier life waiting for you but whilst you stay it will never come your way. Make the break now.
Keep us informed as how you are getting on as we are always here to listen and try and help however small that may be.
Take care I mean it.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, michy +, writes (11 May 2007):
michy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really do appreciate your comments and for taking the time to read my dilemma, however there is so much more. I need your help and support. I forgot to mention that he claimed he worked and had an apartment when I met him. Later I found out he lived with his ex wife and had no job. They divorced 7 years ago and she has a boyfriend. She LEFT him and wanted a divorce, now she took him in out of guilt. He introduced me to her and she is just like me, very giving and wuld do anything for you. Instead I am very hurt by him because of his disloyal cheating lies. Oh ad he drinks and gets violent, had me evicted from my apartment. According to his ex, he never did this when they were together, he was just LAZY, no drinking,smoking or violence. He is now full of anger because his parents died lately and has no faily left, plus he probably regrets being a schmuck husband and also carries guilt. I never retaliate because its not worth it, he calls me very bad names and threatens me only when he drinks. Yes I know, he is a drunk. I just am in alot of pain because I trusted this man and gave him everything. My son if he was alive would have probably put his fist in his mouth. I wish he was here to protect me because I feel so alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2007): Honey you need to turn the other way and RUN! he sounds like a real jerk..seriously. Are you a gluten for punishment?? If not then RUNNN!!!!!!!!!!1
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): He seems to have a selfish and manipulative nature towards intimate relationships. Most likely a commitment phob too. Take the relationship to friendship level for awhile to see if he genuinely cares about you or if hes just acting out of his best interest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): you have been through an absolutely terrible time and you deserve regognition for the fact that you didnt fall apart after the deeply traumatic loss you went through.do not blame yourself for falling for this guy.who knows in life what will happen?you werent to know hed end up being such a loser??i think what hes done to you is pityful and very weak.he cant face up to any feelings of sadness and dives straight in with his ex or whoever is convenient at the time.hes using women like stepping stones to go from one uncomfortable place within himself to the next.he is a serial cheater.its simply too much to ask that you carry on giving this man anymore of your time.he knows what youve been through and has lost his own mother but still persists in hurting you and brushing your feelings aside.he sounds like real class. does he have any redeeming features?hes a sneak,liar,cheat and very very weak.i speak from experience my current partner did very similar stuff.every time we argued he would always run away to his ex(they have a child whos now a teenager).i went through hell.i believe nothing went on with them.he just used her for money,couch to sleep on and somewhere to hide from the responsibilities of being a man.after 3yrs of it i said no more and now he cant go into her house at all.i went through hell and it takes a lot of courage to put your foot down.it worries me deeply that he had you,his ex then another ex on the go.so id say his behaviour is pretty entrenched.good luck with whatever you decide but id say you are on to a loser big time.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (1 May 2007):
I am so sorry to say this but you deserve so much better than this man.
He came into your life when you were extremely vunerable and in need of an enormous amount of support and love. He has abused this trust you placed in him.
You have supported him completely with his dying mother and to then exclude you and take his ex is just disgusting. You were the one that was there and his ex was not so the question is who is the most important person in his life.
He constantly runs back to the ex and has continued relations with her and you have still stayed with him. I can only say you must love him a lot but turning a blind eye is not enough to retain your dignity and sanity.
This man is a user and will always remain the same.
While he can get his cake and eat it in two places he is onto a good thing.
There is a decent man out there for you who will love you completely and only you so don't waste the rest of your life with someone who is making you second best.
You should come first in a man's life and you deserve that.
I recently lost my father a couple of months ago and he was the most important man in my life, I still work with my ex every day but he remains good friend and nothing more but death also makes you realise about the fact that we are here for such a short space of time and I believe you may still have a lot of grief inside of you that has been buried as you met this man so soon after losing your son which I can only imagine was awful.
A close friend of mine lost her little girl of 2 and a half a few years ago and I saw it first hand.
Put yourself and your needs first as you sound like a wonderful women who has been manipulated by a cruel and unfeeling man.
Restart your life and you will feel refreshed and truly inspired. You can get out and meet people and do all sorts of things so never think you are alone in any of this and we are all here for you to chat to whenever you need any of us OK.
Take care and wish you lots of strength and willpower and kick this guy to the kerb as he doesn't deserve the wonderful you OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): You needed somone to help you get over the death of your son. He did help I hope, which is something to be thankful for. But he is not a good man and you have no choice but to give him up. He can not comit to oneperson, he needs to be needed by several.
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