A
female
age
30-35,
*now_Abell
writes:I really like this one guy, and I'll name him "N". He's the very first guy that I've ever fallen for after so many years, and he knew that I like him. So, we hooked up lots of times, had drinks together, we hung out and we became very, very close, but we're not in a relationship. He said he didn't want it, at least not now.On one night, we were working on an assignment together. My phone was on the table and it started vibrating, then "N" took it, and read the text message. It was from "S", his roomate, who was also my friend. (the text reads "Hey, are you around? Need help buying beer.") After knowing that text was from his roomate, "N" accused me of "cheating and sneaking around behind his back", which I found ridiculous. 'cause "S" and I are nothing but friends. But "N" didn't believe me at all, he said he's very disappointed that I've been talking to "S", and now he won't even talk to me, he won't even reply my texts and calls, and he's been ignoring me for days. When I asked him why he's being like this, the only answer he gave me was "what's mine is mine, I don't like sharing." What's going on? I'm very confused. What should I do?
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female
reader, Snow_Abell +, writes (6 December 2013):
Snow_Abell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you kind people for your advices! I appreciate them very much and they're very helpful. I know what to do now. I've realized that he's not the kind of guy I should be with. I'm not a toy. I was blind, and now I can see everything clearly. I can't thank you enough. (:
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 December 2013):
 Ah ok I'm glad it's a car issue.
The truth is you must stop being sexual with N.
I would probably stop considering him a friend too...
possession does not mean love.
his behavior does not mean he loves you... it's not what you want in a partner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): Yes, wiseowl is correct. I went put with a guy like this. I'd been with him a couple of months and for just one evening went out with my flatmate. Non-stop texts all night asking where I was and then he phoned me at 3am accusing me of being in bed with someone else. Around this time, after a night shift, I grabbed breakfast with a good male friend who is GAY. My ex went on and on about how I was disrespecting him. I mean on and on. I should have been making memories with him, not some other guy. I told him it wasn't a date, we'd just finished our shift andcwere catching up. No go. Around this time I broke up with his. Nada. He wouldn't let me go. He manipulated me into staying with him, even tried to get me signed up to a mortgage, and when I finally left to a new address he tracked me down, waited for me at work, followed me in my car, phoned and texted me nonstop. My life was a living hell and I not exaggerating. Finally I moved out of the county - yes, it was that bad! The day I was leaving, a friend of mine saw him in the pub andvtold him to leave me alone, she said I'd met someone else (to try and get him to stop pursuing me I guess, although she was totally making it up, as I was too emotionally drained to contemplate seeing someone else! However, I digress...) and then I got a torrent of abuse from him about my 'cheating' even though I had not been with him for months. These type of men view you as their possession, and they can be very dangerous and do real emotional, physical, mental, financial damage, as well as wreck your social life (now I'm in the process of making a whole load of new friends in my new town....) luckily my family stuck by me. My advice: run for the hills and don't look back. Oh and by the way. When I met thus guy I thought we had such an imtense connection I was convinced he was the 'one'. Uh huh! Tragic. We live and learn. I'm fine now but I learned a lot abput these traits. Now I can spot patterns of behaviour a mile off.So yeah, run for the hills girlX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): Well, he told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship, so that enough should have told you not to expect anything from him. But it is however weird that he has expectations of you, stupid ones at that. Unless he had prior thoughts about ditching you and needed a reason, this really just sounds like a very insecure guy who is probably aware that he struggles with maintaining relationships/friendships. You have to think about what that means for you. Although he is the only guy whom you've had feelings for, that doesn't mean he's the most decent guy on Earth and that there are no other options (though it's always good to get over one guy before moving on to another).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): "N" is for nuts, if he thinks he has a right to be reading your private messages; then scolding you as if he's your slave-owner. Even if he was your bf, he'd still be out of line for being so aggressive, intrusive, and accusatory. He's a jerk. You let on that you like him, you hooked up with him without an official commitment. He thinks you're "silly putty."Now you have a taste of worse things to come. He is definitely "Not" boyfriend material. He is controlling and jealous. Don't dismiss your better judgement based on a crush on a guy who won't even officially commit to you.That temper and aggression should raise a dozen red-flags!!!When a guy refers to you like you're a possession. That is exactly the way he will treat you. It's not a sign of love.Now that you've seen the ugly side of him; what are you going to do about it?Here's what you should not do:Melt like butter; and see it as some macho take-charge gesture to show you he's so fired-up hot for you. No! You are not so special to him, that you can tame him. He considers you his property, and he'll whip you into shape if he has to. Should you dare defy him. You will be completely cutoff from all your male friends.He will plan what you do, and don't do; and with whom.Here's what you should do:You should run screaming in the opposite direction. This is what stalkers and lady-beaters are made of!Lady aunts, please convince this young lady!!! I'm afraid she may dismiss his crazy behavior, and interpret it as caring for her; because she really likes him!!! Yikes!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 December 2013):
 N is a dumbass, he doesn't want to DATE you or be in a RELATIONSHIP, yet he thinks he can tell you whom you can be friends with? Really? And that is OK with you?
YOU are not his, he made that clear when he told you he doesn't WANT a relationship with you.
Tell him to go kick rocks. Let him sulk.
And stop playing his game. IF you want a BF/relationship then for crying out loud do NOT settle for "casual" anything with a guy. EITHER he wants to date you or he doesn't if he doesn't then fine - there is the door.
HE is USING the fact that he KNOWS you really like him. YOU on the other hand are easily replaceable in his eyes. If you don't do as he "tells you" that is.
Grow a back bone, my girl.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 December 2013):
 Heh, what an asshat. If he doesn't want a relationship, then you can do anything you want. You're not "his", and he needs to have his head examined if he thinks he gets the benefits of a relationship (i.e. exclusivity) without the actual commitment.
You need to cut through the hormones and the "falling-for" chemicals to see him for what he truly is - a self-absorbed narcissist who DOESN'T care for you. The truth is, YOU have every right to be royally pissed at HIM for daring to touch your cell phone to read your texts in the first place, then objectifying you as property.
Tell him through his roommate S that he can take his non-relationship jealousy crap and stick it where the sun don't shine. Then get pissed enough at him to break the emotional connection (which is not reciprocated) and move on with your life.
Take this under advisement - if you have feelings for someone to the extent that you're describing yourself as FALLING for someone, do NOT have sex with him and hang on in hopes that he'll want to be in a relationship with you. You were in FWB, meaning he could sleep with other girls and you could sleep with other guys without so much as a single mewling of protest from him.
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A
female
reader, Snow_Abell +, writes (5 December 2013):
Snow_Abell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of us are legal to buy drinks. I'm 20 years old, N and S are both at age 23. Their car recently broke down and since I live just few houses away from them, I don't mind them asking for help. and thank you for your responses. (:
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2013):
you should say "I'm not yours don't darken my door again."
He's wrong
also why does S need HELP buying beer.. i hope you are not of legal age buying beer for minors.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 December 2013):
"What's mine is mine, and I don't like sharing".
You're not a man's possession, or some object to be pinned. This guy is a major league creep. He sounds jealous, controlling, and potentially dangerous. What should you do? Never have anything to do with him again. This is the sort of man who will make your life a living hell the more you have to do with him.
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